The only thing harder than having group sex is finding good advice about group sex.
Movies depict threesomes as sexy misadventures meant to spice up a boring marriage, like a badge of honor for the quirky couple who “never does this sort of thing.” Blogs try to be instruction manuals for a younger, more sex-positive generation, but either rely on surface-level quotes from couples who only tried it once, or insightful observations from single people who’ve never tried it hand-in-hand with someone they love. Sex forums unravel the moment a threesome is mentioned, brimming with desperate couples in search of the perfect unicorn or dire warnings from bitter exes about how group sex ruined their relationship. Porn may be worst of all, stripping away the humanity of the men and women involved, turning the experience into a soulless exhibition with the tantalizing promise that two is automatically better than one.
None of these sources mention how group sex can be a unifying experience. None of them treat couples as if they might actually want to stay together!
Can Group Sex Really Bring Us Closer Together?
Group sex will not fix a stagnant relationship, but it can spice up a healthy one!
If you and your partner are feeling stuck or unfulfilled, you need to consider couple’s counseling. Do not try to fix your problems by inviting other people into your bed! However, if you both feel confident in your relationship, group sex can take you to the next level.
For couples in a healthy mindset, group sex can:
- help you find new ways to pleasure each other.
- give you specific goals to reach as a team.
- push you to experiment with your sexuality.
- make you feel like a power couple; like you can accomplish anything together.
- provide epic memories to tell your grandchildren.
- provide an outlet for a bi partner to explore their other side.
- let you re-experience the giddiness of a new relationship.
- allow you to see your partner’s beauty through someone else’s eyes.
- improve communication in all areas of your relationship.
- make the future of your sex lives seem alive with possibility.
Like a lot of couples looking for a threesome, we were motivated by curiosity. The last thing we expected was for our experiences to be a thrilling and intimate adventure that would ultimately bring us closer. We enjoy flexing our ability to trust and pleasure each other fully. We love sharing the sensuality of exploring new bodies without leaving the bounds of our relationship. As crazy at is sounds, it truly makes us feel stronger as a couple.
Should You and Your Partner Have a Threesome?
The last thing we want to do is encourage vulnerable couples into a situation that could hurt them. Before you read a single word past this introduction, it’s vital to take a step back and look at your relationship as objectively as possible.
You and your partner should only consider a threesome if:
- you are confident in your relationship.
- you already work as a team in other areas of life.
- you both have a healthy self-image.
- you genuinely want what’s best for one another.
- you’re not just doing it to please your partner.
- you’re interested in reciprocating pleasure to your partner and a third.
- you don’t struggle with control issues.
- you refrain from arguing in front of friends and family.
- you communicate easily about sex.
- you’re not prone to jealousy.
The advice in these pages will help you address many of these struggles such as communication and jealousy, but if you make it to the end of this book and are still unable to resolve these issues, do not move forward with group sex until you do!
Who is This Book For?
Wild Monogamy sets out to accomplish two goals. The first is to give everyone—straight, gay, singles, couples, and everyone in between—a step-by-step guide for having mind-blowing group sex. The second goal, like the title suggests, is to show straight and bisexual couples in a committed relationship how group sex can actually strengthen their bond; helping even the most vanilla couples break out of their shell, putting them in the right mindset to join in the fun.
Those in the first category might find themselves skimming over the more monogamy-centric chapters… but don’t worry, every page is overflowing with tips for anyone looking to explore group sex!
We chose to gear this book towards couples based on the premise that two people who love and respect each other will naturally extend that love and respect to others. The safety of the people you’ll be looking to meet is paramount, and while the focus of this book is on couples, the focus of the couple needs to be on the people they invite into their bed.
A successful threesome requires a release of control. If you and your partner have a controlling dynamic (whether it’s consensual play or a problem you’re working on), this book might not be for you. Our philosophy is that—without abandoning the confines of a loving relationship—group sex can set couples (and anyone they interact with!) free.
You may have already noticed we use the terms “group sex” and “threesome” more or less interchangeably. As you’ll read in later chapters, we believe threesomes, foursomes, and even orgies can provide exciting new dynamics for couples to explore. But since threesomes are a common starting point for inexperienced couples, we’ll often use them as the default scenario.
Similarly, we will use the words “third” and “sex friend” interchangeably. Neither term is meant to reduce the personhood of those you invite into your bed, only to make it clear who we’re talking about within these pages.
The Book’s Structure
Part 1 will help you and your partner reach a healthy mindset for a successful group sex experience.
Part 2 is a step-by-step guide detailing everything you’ll need to know, from finding a sex friend to letting them go.
Part 3 will focus on specific aspects of group sex. Some of these chapters won’t apply to you, so feel free to skim the sections you don’t need.
Our Stories
For Part 4 of the book, we decided to spice up the standard self-help formula with real stories from our personal encounters. These chapters are told from both of our perspectives to provide an honest glimpse into our minds from moment to moment. They showcase the good, the bad, and the profound, highlighting all the ways our adventures brought us closer together.
Although we go into explicit detail about all the fun, sexy bits, these stories aren’t really erotica in the traditional sense. There are lessons to be learned from the mistakes we made and the mistakes made by our temporary sex friends, and not every story has a happy ending! But the important part is… they’re all true. In fact, other than names and some physical descriptions, the events are told exactly as they happened to the best of our combined memory.
As a special bonus, our favorite sex friend Kate agreed to add her perspective to our final story. She even let us include her journal entries to help provide a complete picture of our sexual journey.
We’ll refer to the stories often throughout the book, but they aren’t required to understand the rest. They’re simply supplementary material for those who want to read about how these scenarios played out in real life.
The first story is our own, and we recommend reading it now. We want our readers to know who Diana and Damien really are… that we’re not sex-starved maniacs, but a flesh-and-blood couple who fell in love, found an exciting new way to show it, and have no intention of parting ways.
And that’s what we want for you.