Chapter 1: From Tinder to an 8-Hour First Date!

May 31, 2018

Author's Note: Welcome to the very first entry in The Soft Archives! We begin this epic journey with our ACTUAL Tinder profiles from 2018, followed by one Super Like, and the very first words we ever typed to each other...

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May 31, 2018

Damien: Hey there, Diana. Having a good Thursday?

Diana: I am! How about you?

Diana: INTJ, nice 👌 I'm an INFJ

Damien: Interesting... that sounds like a great pairing :)

Damien: I'm good. Just building in my shop. My dog just ran away though, so I'm gonna go try to find her, lol

Damien: Caught her. She led me to the dog park, so now I'm here 😑 What are you up to today?

Diana: Haha she knew what she was doing!! I'm just spending some time with an old friend I haven't seen in awhile. How was the park?

Damien: Yeah, she's a little butthead, lol. We had fun, though... she definitely needed to run. Don't talk to weird men on Tinder when you're with your friend! Go have fun!

Diana: Haha well she's got spunk. I had lots of fun with my friend! And now it's talk to people on tinder o'clock and I am punctual 😂

Damien: Hahaha well I'm honored to be one of them 😂 What did you do with your friend?

Damien: Damnit... did I lose you with a boring question? Are all the other Tinder guys more interesting?? Goddamnit.

Author's Note: Oof... Damien did the double text so early! It's only a minor red flag... unless he would have done it repeatedly!

Diana: No no I just got distracted by leftover birthday cake. I mean cake isn't a just a food it's an experience

Diana: Well first we went hiking and then we conducted a satanic ritual that guarantees eternal youth

Damien: Well Jesus, this just got a lot more interesting. As a sugar addict, I appreciate your reverence for cake. Do I need to wish you a happy birthday?

Diana: Sugar = life. That's probably how I will die tbh. But no it's no one's bday. Sometimes you just have to buy a cake, ya feel?

Damien: Oh sugar will definitely be the end of me. And I can't think of a better way to go. Bring me to your next ritual?

Diana: Idk I feel lile death by black hole would be epic haha Maybe. :)

Damien: I literally wrote about that in my last novel. I did the research, and it's not as epic as you'd think :/

Diana: Please tell me more

Damien: Well, you'd die pretty much instantly, but you wouldn't appear to die to an outside observer thanks to time dilation. If I was watching you from a spaceship, I would actually never see you die. It would simply look like you're floating more and more slowly into the abyss. But from your perspective, it would happen quickly. And after you die, you would be ripped apart on a quantum level, your particles stretching longer and longer until they become literally infinitely small, and so long that you would actually stretch around the entirety of the black hole until you could actually see yourself again. Actually....... that is pretty epic... Black-hole suicide pact?

Diana: Yeah that sounds pretty punk rock to me!! I'm sticking with what I said.

Damien: I'm familiar with the ritual. So what are you looking for on Tinder other than a partner for world domination?

Diana: Hm what else is there? Honestly I just don't have a lot of opportunities to meet people in my day to day so instead I rely on the internet lol

Damien: Ah, the curse of the introvert. I work in my shop half the day and write the other half, so I'm in the same boat.

Diana: A curse indeed. So that's what you're doing on here as well?

Damien: Honestly, I'm up for anything at this point in my life. I'm finally confident enough in myself to date cool people, so I'm going for it. Buuut it's probably not gonna happen at a party or bar, lol. So thanks, Tinder!

Diana: Well that's rad. Confidence is key, right? But yeah parties/bars are overrated anyway. Too much stimulation not enough connection

Damien: I'm better one on one. If I'm in a position of authority, I'm great with big groups... but not if I have to be social. Connection is key.

Diana: Haha I agree with every word of that

Damien: Would you want to grab coffee or dinner sometime?

Diana: Yes, I think that would be fun :)

Damien: Cool. I won't push it tonight. Get some sleep and think on it tomorrow. If you're still down, we'll set something up. Either way, thanks for the engaging chat, Diana.

Diana: Good night, sleep tight, don't let Satan's minions bite!

Author's Note: Sadly, Tinder deleted our accounts years ago, and this was the only part of the conversation we could piece together from screenshots. At some point between the evening of May 31 and the afternoon of June 2, we exchanged numbers and planned a date in an art museum, Diana's idea.

June 2, 2018

Damien: Hey! It's Damien, the tall writer guy who likes art and get's tipsy after two beers.

Diana: Haha you should save that to put on your tombstone

Damien: Pretty much sums it up!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Spent the morning outside. This is my afternoon. write write write write write......

Diana: Wow being outside seems to yield quite the results. I like the storyboard 👌

June 3, 2018

Damien: I need more music for my summer playlist. What's your current favorite song?

Diana: Idk if I can say it's my favorite but I have been listening to Little Room by White Stripes a lot

Damien: Love that whole album. Especially Hotel Yorba, lol

Diana: Haha that's a good one too. What do you have on your summer playlist so far?

Damien: Some favorites: Wow - Beck Go! - Santigold Lights Turned On and This is America - Childish Gambino Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson Pumped Up Kicks (cover) - Pomplamoose

Damien: Don't judge : P

Diana: I'm not gonna judge you on the playlist (i like half of it, don't know the other half) but I do have to judge you for using : P

Damien: :' D

Damien: You will never take away my old-person emoticons.

Diana: Emoticons! Don't worry I see that you can't be saved

Damien: How's your Sunday? Doin' anything exciting?

Diana: Pretty average. Just discovering my secret superhuman origin story and realizing that fate of the universe could lie in my hands, how about you?

Damien: Just creating an alternate timeline to the 2016 election, creating some completely fucked-up characters, weaving a message about identity seamlessly into a page-turning plot that will subliminally and substantially change the world for the better, and eating ice cream.

Diana: Wow ambitious. Is that a continuation of yesterday's work? Haha and what kind of ice cream?

Damien: Watch out for seemingly kind father figures or anyone who works with nuclear waste... they're likely to be your arch nemesis. (But I'm sure the sporadic flashbacks will explain all that.) A continuation of the last five months of work! Mackinac Island Fudge. With more fudge on top 😈

Diana: Guess I'll avoid my nuclear waste specialist stepfather. Sorry Paul! Sounds exciting! The alternate timeline is an intriguing idea. Huh. You're single-handedly keeping the fudge business afloat!

Damien: Don't be too hard on Paul. If this were 1998, he'd be a random psycho hellbent on world domination. But it's 2018... he's conflicted, has a fleshed-out backstory, and truly believes he's doing the right thing. The book is basically Freaky Friday on acid set in the week before the election. It wasn't supposed to be an alternate history story, but I'm pushing the brain-swap thing to its limit, so fucking up the election was a logical progression of that concept. Annnnnd I'm gonna stop these Adderall-induced texts before I scare you away from Tuesday. Only single-emoticon replies for the rest of the night 🌺

Diana: That was only twenty years ago. Paul could have been planning something even more psychotic this whole time. Neat-o I love the Freaky Friday trope. Who would you personally brain-swap with if you could? Haha no I already know you're am INTJ so I was prepared for this.

Damien: Hmm... probably nobody famous. (I'll make my own fame.) Soooo I'd have to say a 13-year-old boy. I'd be just coming out of the awkward years, but young enough to have a head start on the world. You?

Damien: Shit. I mean: : )

Diana: Hahaha there's a lot to unpack here, I'm not sure where to start.

Damien: Let's go to the art museum first. If we still like each other, you can try to unpack (and let me know what you find).

Diana: Okay I'll spare you until then. A 13 year old boy is definitely an interesting choice and your reasons even more so. I would brain-swap with someone similar to me but with lots of physical energy so I could get stuff done!

Damien: I was gonna say you're way too pretty to want to swap, but as long as you've got the same brain, the rest doesn't matter.

Diana: Haha thank you. But exactly, especially since beauty is impermanent, subjective, and malleable.

Damien: The brain has those same qualities, but it lasts a bit longer so it wins. Beauty is cool to establish an early bond through temporary infatuation. But the brain... that's long-term sexy.

Diana: I suppose, but i wouldn't compare them, bc your brain has everything to do with your consciousness while beauty has little to none. But yes it sure is handy dandy.

Damien: I think it's interesting that I'm attracted only to your appearance and personality since I know virtually zero facts about you. Normal humans exchange basic shit like, "Do you have siblings?" "Are you in school?" or "Was that satanist thing a joke?" But none of that matters if you're witty. And girl, you got wit for days.

Damien: Plus, it'll give us something to talk about irl.

Damien: (I hope it goes without saying that I'm genuinely excited to get to know the facts too.)

Diana: Haha art imitates life or whatever. But thank you I studied at the School of Wit for sixty two years. Facts are boring anyway. Knowing how many siblings someone has isn't gonna make you want to meet them!

Damien: Although we just established facts are trivial: I build rustic furniture in a glorified garage under the house I rent. I'm my own boss, so that's why I spent most of the day writing instead of working on these damn shelves... (Notice doggo in the corner.)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hello doggo! That sounds lovely, being your own boss and making cool things. Nice craisins.

Damien: Thanks! They've been sitting there for six months and I'm afraid to eat them. Have you ever tried any hallucinogens? I'm pretty vanilla in my vices and don't see hard drug use in my future, but I've been becoming moderately curious about mushrooms as a one-time experiment.

Diana: Haha what's scary about dried cranberries? No I haven't. Thought about it. If you're curious, what's stopping you?

Damien: Nothin'. Just wasn't curious until now! Well, I guess access, but I'm sure I could figure it out. Also I'd want to do it with somebody I trust. I trust my roommate/bff, but if I'm gonna gaze into someone's eyes to find the meaning of life, I'm not sure I want 'em to be his.

Diana: Hahaha but he's your best friend forever what's better than that?

Damien: Virtually any woman 😂 But seriously, I would trust him to watch over me during something like that, but he's not really the kind of person I'd want to experience it with. Not sure why...

Diana: Hillary Clinton. The Queen of England. Kelly Anne Conway. Your grandma. Jennifer from Jennifer's Body.

Diana: You'd do shrroms with them?

Diana: ugh *shrooms

Damien: Over B[redacted]? Probably. hahaha Wait... isn't Jennifer Megan Fox?

Diana: Wow poor B[redacted]. Yes she is 🔥

Damien: Okay, not Hillary or Kelly Ann. The Queen, either of my dead grandmas, or Jennifer... 100% would take 'shrroms with them.

Diana: Haha okay fair. But doing shrooms with Jennifer would almost certainly mean death at her hands.

Diana: Although I think Megan Fox as one's murderer would be preferable to most anyone else

Damien: Acceptable ways to die: sugar black holes mushrooms with Jennifer

Diana: Hell yeah. Such a convenient yet incomplete list.

Damien: I'm sure our list will grow.

Diana: Yes no doubt. I love Jennifer's Body though. Usually I find horror movies boring, but that movie was a different flavor. What's the last good movie you watched?

Damien: I love horror movies when they're done right... but they're so hard to find. There's a movie called Hereditary coming out next week that just might scratch that itch... As a film nerd who moved to LA to become a director, that's a big question! I really liked Annihilation, the sci-fi(ish) movie with Natalie Portman. Not perfect, but thoroughly engaging.

Diana: Just watched the trailer, looks creepy. Psychological thrillers >> slashers. How spicy. How'd you like it out there? Alright cool I wanted to see that, I love a good sci fi/fantasy with a female lead.

Damien: It was actually pretty awesome. I met a lot of cool people and learned a lot... got to be creative and work on some crazy shit like bad reality TV... overall a great experience. And I learned how to write. Definitely check out Annihilation! Arrival also fits that, and it's even better.

Diana: That's amazing. Life building and such! Okay they are added to my list of Things To Watch One Day When I Finally Branch Out From Netflix.

Damien: I think Arrival is on Netflix! I had a strangely visceral experience in the last third of that movie... definitely worth the watch. What do you like on Netflix?

Diana: No, it's not :( but it's on The List. I mainly watch tv comedies, and you?

Damien: I fall asleep every night to the usual: The Office, New Girl (I have a man crush oh Schmidt), Parks and Rec, Freaks and Geeks...

Diana: Yesss that's the good shit. Leslie Knope is my queen ❤️ I'm watching the Good Place right now, have you seen it?

Damien: And Ron Swanson is my King. I haven't seen it but I keep hearing it's forking amazing.

Diana: Yes, that mustache alone 👌 The whole cast is pretty amazing though. Hahaha yes it's the shirt. It's relatable, has such a creative premise, and dramatic plot twists. I've only seen the first season but I definitely recommend it.

Damien: Well damn, now I definitely need to check it out. Maybe I'll watch before I crash tonight. Sounds like we're on the same page with media consumption.

Diana: Yes, then we'll have another thing to talk about irl. Haha yeah well good job for having good taste!

Damien: And something to do on our second date ; ) #notashamedofmyemoticonuse

Diana: You don't even know if you'll like me yet! Oh nice, you're hashtagging haha, do you not have emojis or are you just stubbornly opposed?

Damien: That's very true. And yes I am. Don't hashtag shame me! 😡

Diana: I'm sorry but I had to because you didn't write #notashamedofmyhashtaguse

Damien: Damnit, you got me there. How's The Good Place? Is what's-her-name adorable?

Diana: It's snazzy and yes, Kristen Bell is a treasure. How's not watching the Good Place?

Damien: I'm actually in the brand-spankin-new hot tub with my roomie right now, so it's sort of amazing.

Diana: Ah yes nothing is more fun than boiling with your bro(s)

Damien: He's 30 and never been kissed. He's been talking to a guy on Tinder for the last few days... the guy likes him and said he wanted to come over and hang out in the hot tub, and B[redacted] said "I work tomorrow." 😑 I've been trying for years to get him a date. He's impossible.

Diana: Good of you to wingman for him. Is he maybe asexual?

Damien: I've honestly wondered that for years. He really does likes guys, but he's super self-conscious. I understand that to an extent, but this guy has seen unfiltered pics and still wants to hang out. Pullin' my hair out over here!

Diana: Oh that's no fun. You need to whip up a batch of liquid confidence for him ! Cast a spell, make a deal with a demon, something.

Damien: I would give my soul to Satan right now if it would mean B[redacted] would say yes to this guy.

Damien: Just want him to be happy.

Diana: Maybe he'll say yes to save you from selling your soul to Satan?

Damien: Self-esteem issues vs his best friend's soul... 🤔 Honestly, it's a toss up.

Diana: That's a real nail-biter. I believe in the power of friendship though! 👏

Diana: Woo!! Go B[redacted]! That's me cheering for him into the void for extra luck

Damien: He's a good guy. Everybody loves him. It'll happen someday! Aaaaaand I have a guy who can get me mushrooms. Time to activate full-blown INTJ mode and research the shit out of this so I don't fry my brain or jump off a roof. (And to make sure I'm actually interested...)

Diana: Haha been there, have fun with that!! Let me know if you uncover any government secrets along the way. I'm going to get some sleep. Good night :)

Damien: Also, this really isn't me... I didn't smoke weed until two years ago, and I had never been drunk until three years ago 😬 You just happened to meet me while I was writing about hallucinogens and considered experimenting, lol Sleep well, Diana!

June 4, 2018

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Maevey says she hopes you're having a good day 🌺

Diana: Well she is absolutely adorable and I hope she is having an amazing day :) That's an interesting name, why did you pick it?

Damien: She was named after the robot prostitute on Westworld 🤖🍑 Also, two emoticon smilies in two texts... who are you and what did you do with Diana??

Diana: Haha nice. I've never seen that show but I've heard it's good Well actually there are some emoticons that are superior to their emoji counterparts, including and limited to :), :(, and :/.

Damien: I would like to add : D, ; ), and <3 for your consideration.

Diana: Hmm. Nah man 😉/😘 are way better and <3 reminds me of Facebook emos. :D can stay but it's on thin ice

Damien: A thoughtful and fair consideration. As long as I can keep : D, I'm content.

Diana: Yes, I am thoughtful and fair in all considerations, except when considering orange-flavored candy. I have a deep loathing for that. But I'm glad a simple emoticon makes you content! What's something you absolutely hate?

Damien: *mental note to never offer Diana orange-flavored candy* I'm an obnoxious optimist and try not to hate too many things. However: -Indiana Jones 4 -The Office after season 3 -Choosing the lesser of two evils -Refried beans -And, ironically, when people define themselves by the things they hate

Diana: You say you're an optimist but you don't like the office season 4?? That's when Jim and Pam are finally happy together

Diana: You're right about the refried beans though. They taste like evil haha

Damien: If Jim and Pam were real people my heart would be full for them and I would dance at their Niagara wedding. But content characters do not equal entertainment. Keep Ross away from Rachel, Nick away from Jess, and Jim away from Pam. (Andy and April are the exception.) Twist on the question: What's something you hate that you love?

Diana: Yes I agree with you but I think Jim and Pam together are still dynamic and interesting. I think Ross is trash with or without Rachel though. I don't know if there is anything, at least nothing I would tell a stranger. How about you?

Damien: Hmm... I would agree that The Office does do it best... but the dynamic that kept me hooked was the will-they-or-won't-they. The show sorta dropped the ball introducing their kids... and their fights in the final season felt forced and awkward. The obnoxious optimist part of me wants to agree with you, but nothing in the later seasons reaches the height of love-struck Jim and engaged Pam eating sandwiches on the roof while Dwight shoot off fireworks. No guilty pleasures? Nothing you like that the world might judge you for? No vices that feel good but might kill you? I figured I had a bunch... but now I can't think of any... 😬

Diana: I totally agree about the later seasons for those same reasons, but I stand by season 4. Nah, I don't feel guilty about my pleasures. The world may judge me for things (like loving Nicki Minaj) but I don't let it affect me. And I'm in control of my vices. So not really. I mean I have things I don't like but still do, like biting my nails, but that's a different questions entirely. You can't think of any?

Damien: I guess as I just view 4 as the beginning of the end, so I lumped it in with the rest. I admit there is gradation, and 4 is far, far better than 6 and 7. But it does begin to lose some of its magic. I had the same revelation when I started thinking about it... that I totally stand by my love for Lady Gaga and Notting Hill. Actually... not to be redundant... but sugar most definitely fits 😬 Considering there's an ice cream bar in my hand as I type this, I may have a problem.

Diana: Yeah I understand that reasoning. Exactly! Own your interests! Haha we've already established sugar is an okay killer though. I wish I had an ice cream bar! Have you ever had mochi ice cream?

Damien: I know what it is but I've never had it! It's good?

Diana: Yes I'm pretty in love with it haha I mean it's mostly ice cream which is always good

Damien: I will definitely get it next time I go out for sushi. Thanks for enabling my addiction! Have you heard of The [redacted] by any chance?

Diana: No I have not but a quick Google search revealed that they are funky fresh

Damien: Are they? Cool. I do video work on the side and I'm on my way to shoot a live video podcast with them now. I hope they're good!

Diana: Have fun with that! They seem quirky.

Damien: Omg there's a cello ❤️

Diana: Yep. Are they funky fresh in real life?

Damien: Just about to start. So far, yep!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: They were Gucci! Or whatever the kids are saying nowadays. Honestly, it's so awesome to be so close to people doing what they love. So much passion... giving it their all, and I'm 6 inches from their face. Love it.

Diana: That sounds lovely. In those moments like that, it's almost like you can feel what they must feel, right? Probably a rush

Damien: I worked as a stage manager for a dance competition for two years and I got to stand in the wings and watch... and it was a remarkable experience. Even if the dancers were young, they were all so dedicated. I remember watching their stoic faces in the shadows right before they'd go on, totally focused and scared shitless... then the music would start, they would move to the stage, and I would watch their expression change completely right as they emerged from the curtain and the light hit their face. Then they'd finish, run joyfully off stage, and collapse into tears. That's art.

Damien: Fyi, I've never sent texts this long to anyone I met on Tinder. For some reason I don't censor myself or dumb things down for you. Whether we talk after tomorrow or not, thanks for letting me be my awkward self 🌺

Diana: Great story :) Recognizing the beauty in human emotion, seeing the capacity for creativity and connection we have when we just feel, that is what reminds me that I'm real and alive.

Diana: The reason is I'm a Cool Girl™. Haha but I'm happy you are being yourself, it's more fun that way. Also I like how you use the flower emoji.

Damien: Connecting with other creatives is one of the few things that truly matters to me in life. I don't make a lot of money off my writing yet, but my books have opened doors to some truly meaningful experiences that I wouldn't trade for any amount of money. Creativity is paramount.

Damien: My "T" is generally how I operate... especially when it comes to arguments, politics, or structuring stories. But I'm always on the lookout for ways to develop and experience my "F"... movies, art, romance, new experiences, etc. In that way, I think I sort of walk the line between the two.

Author's Note: We should pause here to say that we talked about MBTI (aka "Sixteen Personalities") a lot when we were dating! We recognize it's not scientific, but it can be useful. As you can already see, it's one of the ways we bonded early on.

Diana: It's great that you have devoted your time and talent to make that happen for yourself. Yes, that sounds very TeFi of you.

Diana: People who use a balance are so much more compelling than people who rely on one half.

Damien: B[redacted] and I were literally talking about this on our way home tonight. I'm pretty close to center on I, T, and J, but my N is pretty dominant. Do you have any you feel less balanced on?

Diana: I'm the same, but with F instead of course. It makes sense, both of our types are known for being close to center.

Damien: Really? I didn't know that! Maybe we're good at self-analysis and changing our behavior as needed? I know I've made it a goal to be more extroverted and spontaneous, and it definitely worked... hmm...

Diana: I agree with you, I think that having introverted intuition as our leading function lends itself to heightened introspection paired with idealism that helps us to constantly progress towards our concept of being a perfect, well-balanced person.

Damien: And, eventually, to take over the world. Hey, what time were you thinking tomorrow?

Diana: Naturally. Hm, how about 3?

Damien: Perfect.

Diana: Lovely, I'll see you then.

Damien: I'm looking forward to it 🌺

Diana: Me too. Good night!! 🌜⭐

June 5, 2018

Damien: “I like how I have shot glasses everywhere and you have ice cream bowls.” - B[redacted] just now

Damien: Still on for 3?

Diana: Hahah different strokes for different folks or whatever. Yes, see you there.

Diana: There's an accident on the highway, I'll be at least 20 minutes late, sorry!

Damien: No worries! Just drive safely 🌺

Damien: Just stepped inside. I'll be the tall guy meandering around the lobby.

Author's Note: Our first date lasted EIGHT HOURS. We walked around the art museum, ate Thai for lunch, and talked and talked and talked. Between the two of us, we only took one picture the entire date:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: Remember those bi-sexual emojis in Diana's Tinder profile? During the date, she explained to Damien that she was actually asexual. Remember when she said she was conducting Satanic rituals in the woods? Turns out she was actually a Mormon! We said very simple goodbyes beside Diana's busted-up Honda, then Damien waited until he was home to thank her for the date:

Damien: I want to say—without overanalyzing anything or making presumptions about a future date—that was genuinely the nicest first date I've ever been on. So thank you for that.

Diana: That makes me happy. I had a lovely time, so thank you :)

June 6, 2018

Damien: Would you want to visit [redacted] sometime next week? Beach, downtown, [redacted], movie... if you can make it here, I'll buy. I have no idea what the next step is or what you're looking for... I just know I enjoy spending time with you. If it was a one-time thing, just let me know and won't pester you for a second date 🌺

Diana: That sounds really fun, I would like to do that. I enjoy spending time with you too.

Author's Note: Our relationship began simultaneously fast and slow. Fast, because the intellectual connection was obvious from the start. Slow, because it would be four increasingly-long dates until our first kiss...

Chapter 2: The Songs that Started it All

Jun 6, 2018

June 6, 2018

Author's Note: With our first date behind us, we quickly moved into the "sharing our favorite media" stage. And as we were beginning to realize about each other, we both had a lot to say! Damien kicked it off with a Vine that got brought up during the first date...

Diana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRvNLRFRyxg

Diana shared a link: - YouTube (youtu.be)

Damien: Three hundred hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute... and somehow you brought up my all-time-favorite.

Diana: Haha I'm laughing so much it's funny every time. Is it really 300 hours of video per minute? That's wack.

Damien: It's insane. Time isn't real.

Diana: Haha exactly! I'm listening to the Bastille song that you mentioned right now!

Damien: It makes me dance. When I'm alone. Also, I absolutely know Thunderstruck.

Diana: Hahah Big Brother is always watching. I thought so! Did you watch the video?

Damien: No! For which song again? Thunderstruck?

Diana: https://youtu.be/uT3SBzmDxGk

Diana shared a link: 2CELLOS - Thunderstruck [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (youtu.be)

Damien: Holy shit I legit have chills already. How? And how can I be them??? Still watching.

Damien: That is everything I want in music. Talk about visceral... this might be the ultimate. I'm showing this to B[redacted] next time he's drinking and watching YouTube. Absolutely insane.

Diana: Right? I love everything about that video. The costumes, the setting, that song, the intensity in their facial expressions, when he starts playing in the floor 😂

Diana: https://youtu.be/HQYC2EfzZZw

Diana shared a link: Glass Animals - Pools (Official Video) (youtu.be)

Damien: Omg I've seen the Pools video! It's brilliant.

Damien: Have you seen this one? https://youtu.be/IvUU8joBb1Q

Damien shared a link: Wintergatan - Marble Machine (music instrument using 2000 marbles) (youtu.be)

Diana: Okay great! The Marble Machine is incredible, like how does someone come up with someone so intricate and functional?? And the song just sounds like magic

Damien: That level of creativity blows me away. Don't watch this whole video... just the beginning. This is the sexiest cello I've ever heard. https://youtu.be/ZduDvIBu3EU

Damien shared a link: Damien Rice - Volcano - Official Video (youtu.be)

Author's Note: After we'd been dating a little over a year, Diana started watching for Damien Rice to start touring again so she could buy tickets for HER Damien. Turns out the first place he was playing for his first tour in a decade was in Australia... so we went to Australia! (Also, don't tell anybody but this is Damien's namesake!)

Diana: I had to rewatch the beginning a few times because yes you're right

Damien: Right?? It's gorgeous and makes me want to learn the cello. (Also ignore the part where he sings "She's still too young" over and over and over.)

Diana: The sound of the cello is just so soothing. And haha I would have ignored it if you didn't point it out!

Damien: LOVED Agnes and New York. And Sigur Ros is perfect for my writing playlist.

Diana: I'm glad you like them! What are the songs by Nahko and Medicine for the People that you liked?

Damien: We Are On Time is one of my all-time-favorites. Sorta explains what love means to me. Manifesto has a lovely ending that has become my mantra on life : ) If you happen to like the style, they have about 10 others I would highly recommend. Most bands have one or two songs that stand out... but I honestly dig just about everything they do. Most of their songs have more energy than my suggestions... those two are a bit slower.

Author's Note: "They sang don't waste your hate / Rather gather and create / Be of service, be a sensible person / Use your words and don't be nervous / You can do this, you've got purpose / Find your medicine and use it" - Manifesto

Damien: Uhg. Listening to Manifesto now, and I really do only like it for the ending, lol. Sorta boring. Check out Warrior People for something more exciting, lol

Diana: I really liked We Are On Time, especially the part where they go hey! Gets me pumped! The Manifesto ending is good I love when songs go out with a chorus. The band isn't something I would have stumbled upon on my own, but I like their groove.

Damien: I open my truck windows, crank the volume all the way, and go crazy when they sing "hey!" 😂 If you ever need energy or inspiration, play any of their albums.

Diana: Haha okay noted! What is some more music, besides theirs, that gets you pumped?

Damien: https://youtu.be/NoMqvniiEkk?si=Fz-QDLSnuaCKYUR6 This is one of my favorite videos by one of my favorite directors. I LOVE the weird-ass song too... luckily it's on Spotify... but it's even better with the video. (Also, it's a perfume ad, but you can't tell 'til the end, lol)

Damien shared a link: - YouTube (youtu.be)

Diana: Okay wow that was so much better than I expected when it started!! There's so much to enjoy about it! I'm in love with her and the dress and the whole concept and the song is such a Bop™.

Diana: What's the MIA song you know?

Damien: The girl is in The Leftovers (the second show to leave me in a fit of sobs) and she's gorgeous. I thought you might like it : ) The song is called Mutant Brain. I only know the famous one, I think. The "all I wanna do is *finger guns* bang bang bang bang!" song.

Diana: Awesome! Thanks for showing me :) Ah yes hahah paper planes. MIA was like a critical part of growing up for me. I'm gonna send you some of my favorites of hers to peruse at your leisure.

Damien: How 'bout this: Make me a playlist of fifteen songs you love including the best of M.I.A. I'll listen to them over the next few days until we hang out again. I'll make one for you too.

Diana: That sounds like a deal

Damien: Anything... fast, slow, new, old... as long as you love it.

Diana: So many possibilities!

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2YjIagpcV2CPyZnYzKD02d?si=pN1o13RUSJq7ZmyfhOGQEQ It might be a bit slow... but I think even the slow songs build into something visceral (last time I'll use that word, cross my heart). And a few we already talked about.

Damien shared a link: For Diana (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Trusty and True and There's No Leaving Now... listen under covers with headphones 🌺

Damien: (And try not to cry.)

Diana: Haha that must be your favorite word. Gold star for coming in first 🌟 And thank you for this, and the tips, I will be doing just that right about now :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: painting let me know what you think!

Diana: Wow nice! Black like my soul!

Diana: And here is a playlist for you. I recommend listening in order! Have fun painting https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jX5vRHShRX7gUKjYJ4Ozx?si=PqN6T1CJTaKfFsShQgJXKA

Diana shared a link: for damien 1 (open.spotify.com)

Damien: 🖤 no order for mine... and they're all over the place lol im going to listen in bed tonight 🌺

Damien: i almost included oh ms believer ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Damien: i went with taxi cab instead okay be back soon, paint on my phone 😂

Damien: Halfway through and LOVING it. I'll let you know full thoughts later tonight when I finish.

Diana: I finally listened to the whole playlist and was very entertained. Every song was interesting and meaningful! You have some to dance to and some to stare into the void to. I like them all, thank you for sharing. I have more thoughts and also questions but I'll say those when I see you :)

Damien: Thanks for taking the time to make a list and listen to mine. I'm so glad you liked them : ) I'm listening to the second half in bed now 🌺

Damien: You ended with Outro ❤️ Perfect way to end the day. Sleep well, Diana.

June 7, 2018

Damien: Found this from a [redacted] artist a couple weeks ago. Bought it because it had to have been inspired by Labyrinth.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: OKAY 1) I haven't had service all day but I finally found a place! 2) I love that!!! It's the garbage lady! That scene used to scare me so much 😂

Damien: It's soooo sad... saying goodbye to her childhood. Have you seen Inside Out? With her imaginary friend?

Diana: Yeah but not really! It will always be with her when she needs it. Just not the stuff. And yes I have seen it, why?

Diana: Oh now I remember why yes that was sad I cried

Damien: "Take her to the moon for me!" I lost it... both times I saw it 😭

Damien: I think that idea whole idea hits me on a personal level... the loss of imagination. Might be my biggest fear.

Diana: I love Amy Poehler in that. You know what I think? If you are afraid of losing it, then you will try hard to keep it and then you will!

Diana: I can't even imagine losing my ability to imagine haha

Diana: How do you think that would happen to you?

Damien sent a video.

Damien: Maevey and I were watching her earlier : ) Hmm... I think a "real job" would hinder it. I could get it back, but I'm terrified that things are going to go back to how they were in A[redacted] with 100-hour weeks that drained me creatively. If I can keep writing, I'll be good!

Diana: Ohh she's watching TV too! That's so cute Do you feel like that would happen with your furniture business?

Damien: Nooo... I can control my hours so it'll always be good. I guess I'd be worried about people not buying this type of furniture anymore... or getting in a relationship with somebody who expects me to make more money. Idk. So far, it's been a great few years, so I shouldn't be too worried! How are you doing tonight? Life treating you okay?

Diana: It's a quarter past midnight but we're just getting going 🎵

Damien: Hahahaha is that a yes?? Does it make you want to dance too?

Diana: A yes to what? Did you ask a question before?

Diana: I want to dance to everything

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Didja get that text?

Diana: Oh I did not get it! 1) I like my contact photo haha 2) Your phone is dying! 3) Why worry about hypothetical future? Could probably be using that thinking power to live in the moment more! :) 4) I'm on a campout thing and I wish Life gave me better service haha

Diana: I'm in the middle of Nowhereville, USA so if I don't reply it's bc the spirits of cell phone service do not like me

Damien: 1. Yeah, you're smoldering 😍 2. It's plugged in : P 3. I rarely worry about it anymore. It's just my biggest fear... so I don't actually fear too many things! 4. Aww that sounds amazing! Quit talking to weird Tinder dates and go have fun!

Diana: Everyone is asleep now. Besides I have fun talking to you :) What else do you fear?

Damien: You're the sweetest. That really is the big thing... just a fear of a creativity-free life. Or not finding someone I can truly connect with... If I have those two things, I honestly feel like I can take on any other fears. What about you? Anything you fear big or small we haven't talked about?

Diana: Unbeknownst to you until now, I am actually a very powerful psychic and I predict you will have those two things someday. You never have to fear again bc the future has spoken. If you don't believe me you can shake one of those eight ball things and it will tell you the same thing 😂

Diana: I'm afraid of geese. They're mean

Damien: Unbeknownst to me?? I watched you change street lights with your mind! If you say I'm gonna find love and creativity, I believe you! Ohhhh they ARE mean. Especially when you get too close to their babies. Swans too. So pretty... but they're dicks.

Damien: (Btw, I wasn't a fan of the Beyoncé song at first, but I admit it's growing on me...)

Diana: Oh goodie it's always better when people believe me! Just last week I saw geese try to attack these two boys! I had to untangle the kids bikes since, in moment of intense fear, they had thrown themselves into each other and became an entwined mess 😂

Diana: Haha that's okay I didn't expect it to be your jam. But it is my jam 4 life!! Queen of Rap slaying with Queen Bey!

Damien: Hahaha that's a lot of exclamation points for 1 AM 😂 And holy shit I would have loved to see that goose attack. And yeahhhh... I like it way better than I did. Makes building shelves go faster 😂

Diana: I feel very exclamation point right now. It's not 1 am it's !!! o'clock It was hilarious bc they were completely oblivious until the geese honked and immediately one kid let out the most piercing scream hahaha Oh is that what you're doing right now at 1 am wait I mean !!! o'clock?

Damien: Nooooo I'm actually vacuuming at !!! o'clock because I'm weird! Also, any day Sunday-Wednesday works for me if you still want to visit [redacted]!

Diana: Yeah that is weird!! Okay Tuesday is the day I can do!

Damien: Woohoo! Hey, I hope it's obvious that sex isn't my endgame. We didn't talk much about asexuality, but whatever your definition, I'll respect it : ) I just like hanging out and I don't want you to think I have any other motives 🌺

Damien: That was out of the blue, lol. Just wanted to get it out of the way.

Diana: Wow cool respect is hot!!! Haha but really I appreciate you saying this. Where does "out of the blue" even come from? Where does it go from the blue ? Onto the green to play hackeysack?

Author's Note: This is very indicative of how Diana would respond to heavier topics for the first few months of our relationship. It's one of those things you can watch slowly shift as our conversations unfold.

Damien: All ideas are born with a bluish hue. When they hatch unexpectedly, they fall from the blue and into our brains, which is where we get the phrase.

Damien: It's a neuroscience thing.

Damien: Done cleaning and heading to bed. I hope you have a great night and morning with friends! When you read this, know that you are a truly awesome human in every way. 🖤🌺

Diana: Huh alright funky fresh! I'll have to look more into that later

June 8, 2018

Damien: I included "Hallucinogenics" on my your playlist as a current favorite, but I'm really loving this whole album. Might be good for camping. Hope you're having fun! https://open.spotify.com/album/0CibAyYN112OULmO1Rhpsv?si=7U5JzX1BRUSeXWqGD2P9bA

Damien shared a link: The Hearse (open.spotify.com)

Diana: I really liked that song so I'm sure I'll like the album, I'll have to listen to it later 👍

Diana: This is what I'm doing!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Just a suggestion; not something you need to comment on or anything : ) Omg that looks beautiful!!

Damien: This is what I'm doing.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Wow is that the face you make when building shelves? 😂 Very snazzy.

Damien: That's my face when I'm sick of building shelves : P Still at the lake?

Diana: Ahh I see. Yes I am. I went kayaking and got stung by a wasp so big day

Damien: Ohhh kayaking is so relaxing! And ohhh shit... are you allergic? Where did it get you??

Diana: I learned that today! It hit me right in the heart with its betrayal of the human/wasp friendship I thought we had. How's your night going?

Damien: You poor thing! But you were very misinformed about the friendship... they hate us and we hate them. I've been out with B[redacted]... sorrrrta thinkin' about you and all your INFJness 🌺 And super sleepy because I have no schedule (I need to get one of those).

Diana: I was hoping I could end the cycle of hatred and enter a new age, hand in wing, but alas :( Oh sounds fun! 😁 Any thoughts worth sharing? No don't get a schedule just live chaotically until your body naturally falls apart. It's punk rock 🤘

Damien: Half asleep. Only thought worth sharing: I've never had this dynamic with a woman before. I've hung out with many people smarter than me, but never someone that was on the same wavelength... someone I don't have to slow down for... someone who I'd actually go to for new understanding. Not sure if that makes sense, I'm fading here, but it's pleasant. Goodnight, Diana!

Diana: That makes sense, I feel that way too. Sweet dreams! 😘

Author's Note: It probably doesn't seem like Diana is returning Damien's energy here, but at the time, in her own avoidant way, this meant a lot!

June 9, 2018

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Come help me paint, poly, and flip this upright. I will pay you in Craisins and $5 pizza.

Diana: Wow how can I refuse an offer like that? Sounds like craisins are the new Trident Layers haha

Damien: Stopped working and went to some weird old-timey thing instead. There are legit blacksmiths here.

Damien sent a photo.

Author's Note: Full disclosure: Damien was dating four other ladies during the first couple weeks of our relationship. That's not inherently wrong, and he ended the others as soon as he and Diana got closer, but he probably shouldn't have sent her a pic from when he was hanging out with someone else! 😬

Diana: Oh that's snazzy. What are they doing all that for?

Damien: I have no idea. It's called [redacted] or something. We saw the sign and decided to have an adventure. Still at the lake?

Diana: Yes haha an intriguing name warrants such an adventure. Did the legit blacksmiths smith anything cool? Nope came home a few hours ago and now I'm at work. It's nice and mosquito-free

Damien: Horseshoes : / But it was fun watching! Tell me how work was when you're off! I walking into Ocean's 8 and I'm not sure why...

Diana: Neat-o. I want to see that movie very much!! I hope they do it justice

Damien: It was pretty good! A little underwhelming, but nothing really bad about it. Definitely check it out! How's your night been?

Diana: I love the entire cast and the concept so I definitely will. You've seen the original trilogy? Productive! If the Olympics had medals for vacuuming, I would get at least silver.

Damien: Pretty sure I skipped school to see 11... 12 was super artsy and Soderbergh being Soderbergh... and I actually got to visit the casino set for 13. It was all rigged to simulate an earthquake. Kinda cool! And I expect more than a silver from you. You're gold vacuuming material.

Diana: Oh you rotten truant. I watched 11 on my own time, like a good student. Cool thanks. Any chance you judge for the vacuuming Olympics? I could use a judge in my pocket. The competition is really stiff this time around.

Damien: Unfortunately, I only judge ironing, dust bunny races, and bed making (which includes folding those awkward stretchy sheets that go over the mattress). I'm close with the vacuuming judge, but he just sucks.

Diana: Hahaha somebody had to make a sucking joke. But man, those dust bunny races are real nail biters. Takes a lot of skill. If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, what would you want it to be?

Damien: Unrealistically? The cello. Realistically? To be able to pitch myself and my books to anyone and everyone on command. What about you?

Diana: Hm yes that would be very useful, not just as an author, but as a potential world dominator. I would definitely say the talent of being outgoing!

Damien: You can definitely learn that with practice. If I didn't know your personality type, I would have thought you were outgoing. But I know the appearance of being outgoing is different from actuality... But you can definitely get there.

Diana: Well of course I can but to get there just by waking up tomorrow would be way more convenient. You could learn both of your choices with practice too. Mostly.

Diana: It's okay though because if I was wildly outgoing I would be too powerful. The universe is all about balance

Damien: Yeahhhhh... but I've always been soooo bad at it! And damn, so true... imagine if we were as brilliant as we are, AND "E"s...

Diana: We would be too good. And then the universe would force us to learn humility, which is a much harder lesson. Besides I wouldn't want to be an ENFJ though they annoy the hell out of me haha

Damien: We would be fantastic. I don't know any of those! Only ENFPs 😡 ENTJs are pretty okay... the two I know, anyway. I'm heading to bed... thanks for another evening of stimulating conversation : ) (I'm super looking forward to Tuesday if you can still make it work!)

Diana: Oh I'm glad you brought it up, I got my days mixed around, is Wednesday alright instead?

Diana: But good night, sweet dreams!

Damien: Wednesday 👍👍🌺

Author's Note: Diana took detailed notes while listening to the playlist Damien made for her. It wouldn't be until the second date that she'd show him what she wrote, but we decided to include them here:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: In 1 year, 11 months, and 27 days, one of these songs would become our wedding song...

Chapter 3: Bantering Our Way to a Second Date

Jun 10, 2018

June 10, 2018

Author's Note: The buildup to our second date blossoms as we talk TV, hint at our pasts, and build the sugar-charged rapport that still defines us today! And Damien kicks it off with a reference to The Good Place:

Damien: "And Jason is a person who is near me."

Damien: WHY ISN'T SEASON TWO ON NETFLIX 😱

Diana: Hahaha Jason is an icon. I think Netflix/NBC wants to make us personally suffer from the lack of season two and it's working

Damien: Hmmm... time to download it! 😈

Diana: Oh no the FBI is going to put you right in jail. How do you usually spend your Sundays?

Damien: I always feel lackadaisical on Sundays, even before I consciously realize that it's Sunday. Maybe it's my punishment for not going to church? Actually... I felt that way even when I did go to church... so 🤷‍♀️ Today I finished The Good Place, checked prices for fencing at Home Depot so I can make my tiny backyard cute and safe for Maevey, and finished my shelves for delivery tomorrow. Did you teach Sunday School today? I love that you do that, btw... it honestly gives me hope that I could handle a similar situation if I put my mind to it.

Diana: Haha Sundays are supposed to be lazy days so it makes sense. That's pretty productive for feeling lackadaisical! Maevey is lucky she has the type of dog owner who chases her to the dog park and builds her safe fences. Yes, I did :) We learned about selling your soul to Satan for fortune and fame. Haha but you totally could, do you want to teach people things one day?

Damien: I love my doggo... she's a little broken, but it makes me happy that I can help little by little. Ooo how do I make that deal?? 😂 jk jk And I don't really know that I want to teach... but I'd like to have more confidence in small group settings. I imagine you teaching kids and I have even more respect for you. Seriously cool. What are you up to tonight?

Damien: (Also... this is what I dooo)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: That's such a sweet thing that I don't have anything to add. About the deal though, go to any Walmart at 3:27 am and chant "Satan" in isle 5 until he appears and then you can offer your soul for whatever your heart desires. Or you could probably just tweet at him. Just have a strong voice, make eye contact, and smile a lot. Fake it til you make it yo. The shelves look lovely, it's great to see how you have worked to make it useful and beautiful :) Right now I'm eating ice cream and trying to figure out what to watch on Netflix.

Diana: I decided on Arrested Development

Damien: Watching Handmaid's Tale with my OCD roommate and he gets mad when I text 😬 But 🌺🌺🌺 and I can't remember which season you said you're on! If it's 4, just do your best to plow through and make sure to watch the new version! If it's 5, the first two are slow but then it gets great again : )

Diana: Uh oh! Sorry to him! I'm on season 5, episode two. Maeby just said she needs to get going with her own goop and I really relate to that on a spiritual and intellectual level

Diana: How is the Handmaid's Tale? I've heard it's amazing but the concept just creeps me out

Damien: Ohhh that's such a good quote! She has all the best scenes this season. Can't wait to hear what you think of her performance. We were three eps behind on Handmaid's but we're finally caught up. The visual storytelling is the best I've ever seen in movies or TV. Every frame is full... and GORGEOUS. But yeah... it can be difficult to watch. It's dark, but it has a lot of hope too. Another show I'd love to hear your opinion on.

Diana: Omg Kyle Mooney is in this show

Damien: Nobody is quite sure what his character is about... hoping it all makes sense in the second half of the season.

Diana: It's really bugging me that Lindsey isn't really there haha Well that's a big reason to watch it! I might. It has won all those awards for a reason. But I get a little emotionally invested in things so sometimes I avoid dark things even if they're brilliant.

Diana: They probably just wanted him for his weird personality haha

Damien: Uhg... I HATE all the green screen, especially of Lindsey. It's so poorly done and she's such an important character! Yeah... you might want to stay away from Handmaid's Tale, then. I'd really like to watch Arrival with you someday. I wonder if you'll have a similar reaction to mine. Not many people did.

Diana: Portia why did you do this to your loyal fans?? Haha yeah although I definitely think that dark TV/other media is important because it can help us develop empathy for the horrors other people go through as well as gain an appreciation for our lives being better than what's happening to the characters we see onscreen. Well then maybe one day we will because now I am very curious.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Agreed. I wrote a chapter about it in my little book about writing. Very well said. And Portia 💔

Diana: I love agreeing on things. Looks like an interesting chapter haha

Damien: Night owl or morning person?

Diana: I definitely prefer the night, I feel way more free without the bustle of the day. But I love a good sunrise and waking up early makes for so much more time in the day. Sleep is such a time waster, if I didn't have to do it, I wouldn't! How about you?

Damien: Definitely night. I can do morning if I'm in a routine, but I get so much more done at night. I used to write from 11pm to 7 am... but that was a long time ago... Ha! Ever since I was little I said sleep is a waste of life. I have so many things to do, and I hate that my body randomly collapses for 6-7 hours every 24-hour cycle. Uhg.

Diana: Haha yeah that doesn't sound like normal human patterns. But very productive. It is very frustrating, and we don't know a whole lot about why we need it so badly. Did you know the longest a person has gone without sleep is 11 days? Although you experience potentially serious side effects, of course. You want to hallucinate? Just stay up for a few days.

Damien: Stories of sleep deprivation have always fascinated me. It's insane what the brain is capable of (or incapable of). I think there was an X-Files episode about a man who never slept... if I remember correctly, it sounded terrible, lol I got my drugs... but I think I'm too much of a prude to actually take them. They're in my lock box with my passports. I honestly don't know what I was thinking 🤦

Damien: What's more of a turn-off: using drugs, or being too much of a chicken to use drugs? 😂

Diana: I used to go days without sleep just to see if I could. Once someone is awake long enough, the brain starts microsleeping without the person being consciously aware of it. Obviously I think it's fascinating too haha Hahaha well you made it this far, that's very adventurous. You don't have to do them right now, you can wait for the moment when you aren't chicken anymore 😂

Damien: I would love to hear more about your adventures in sleep deprivation! I didn't know about microsleeping... do you realize it after you wake up? What's your record?

Damien: A song just for you 🌺

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/track/7tt4gKVRQd2Dy52puao5uz?si=a91ced5fb4d34fb4

Damien shared a link: 5,000 Candles In The Wind (Bye Bye Lil' Sebastian) (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Haha I think my record is four days. No, they wake up and think no time has passed. They are usually unaware unless someone points out that they were sleeping. Awesome. I believe in you. 🍄 Hahaha aw rad. What a cool band name too!

Damien: Four days?! That's amazing and ridiculous all rolled together. Haha, I'm watching the Lil Sebastian episode in bed. That song always gets stuck in my head, lol

Diana: Haha it's definitely an experience. What's the longest you've gone without sleep? Oh that's the one where Ron burns his mustache! It gets stuck in my head too. How are the Mouse Rat songs so catchy?!

Diana: Do you have a favorite episode of Parks and Rec?

Damien: I've never made a real effort to stay awake... but I worked one 36-hour day in LA and another in Arkansas... but that's probably the longest : / Yessss and Tammy comes back for a sec too. And I KNOW! I want a Mouse Rat CD so badly! Hmm... I always liked the episode where Ron helps the little girl write her paper about how the government sucks 😂 I also sorta think April and Andy's wedding is adorable. What's your favorite?

Diana: Oh yeah you mentioned something about that I think. That's crazy long. Why did they make that a real thing? Could've made them some $$ haha Haha yes and he gives her the land mine! 😂 I love when he bonds with other characters. April & Andy = true love, so another good pick. The ones that come to mind for me are Flu Season, when Leslie refuses to relax and then delivers an amazing speech #goals And I also love the one when the all get drunk on Snakejuice, I watch just that clip when I need to smile sometimes

Diana: *didn't

Damien: Fell asleep. Ron dancing on snakejuice is the all-time best. Can't... keep... eyes... open... 😴❤️

Diana: Go to sleep and have lovely dreams of Ron breaking it down on the dance floor! Good night!! :)

June 11, 2018

Damien: Hey. Have a good day. 🌻

Diana: Ooh a new flower emoji! Thanks, you too :)

Damien: I know yellow is a second-tier color, but I figured you'd like it anyway.

Diana: I love it. Yellow is a perfect color for flowers

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I thought B[redacted] was home... but he's not... so I need to somehow get this giant shelving unit into that truck all by myself in the next thirty minutes. Come help real quick?

Diana: Oh wow I totally would but my instant teleportation powers are on the fritz today!

Damien: Damnit, Diana. I'll have to use my super-human strength hidden beneath this nerdy facade.

Diana: Oh where's a Paris Hilton saying her catchphrase gif when you need one?

Damien: So... I screwed up and forgot to get this guy's address, so now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do and scanning the interwebs for funny things... and I found an article especially for you: "Tina Fey Says Liz Lemon And Leslie Knope Should Do A Spinoff Together"

Diana: OMG THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM LIFE

Damien: 😃🌻💛

Diana: Did you figure out what to do?

Damien: Yep! I'm gonna quit the furniture business and focus solely on writing books.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Sorry, [redacted]... gotta find a different carpenter to build your massive-freaking cookie jar shelf, 'cause this guy's chasin' his dreams.

Diana: Hahaha 🎵catch your dream🎵!!

Diana: But poor [redacted] can't catch his dream of having a beautiful shelf built by you

Damien: Finally heading out. (Delivering furniture is the most stressed I've ever been or ever will be. Wish me luck.)

Diana: I'm wishing you so much luck, here it is in an emoji form: ⭐️💫🍀🌟🌈🌠⚡️!!

Damien: Your emojis worked. He loved it! Time to bring Maevey to the dog park and relax.

Diana: Yeah my emojis are super effective, I usually charge people but I gave you these ones for free because I like you. Have fun partying it up at the dog park! Is Maevey a social dog?

Damien: Awww thanks for the freebies : ) She is! She's better with dogs than people. Sometimes she likes to bully smaller dogs... but I try to make sure that doesn't happen too often.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Muddy dog. Okay, I'm done talking about myself. How's your evening??

Diana: Haha looks like she had fun! I hope you're not totally done. My evening is great! I spent the day with four little boys who were really into Garfield. I watched so much Garfield today. I close my eyes and see Garfield. It's nice to be home now in a Garfield-free zone

Damien: Awww babysitting? Which Garfield? The live-action? Bill Murray travesty? Gonna watch more Arrested and eat more ice cream?

Diana: I loved that movie when I was a kid 😂 no it's this awful tv show on Netflix. And I already ate all my ice cream and finished the show :( Tonight I'm feeling Charmed.

Damien: Haha I've never seen it, but stayed away thanks to bad reviews. Did you like Maeby's mannerisms? Her mannerisms KILLED ME. I've never seen Charmed!

Diana: Yeah it's pretty bad. Yesss I love everything about it, her wardrobe, her hair, the interactions with George Michael 😂 She is so brilliant and crazy. Definitely still my favorite. The GOB storyline about Tony Wonder was great too, what did you think about that? It's a 90s CW show about witches. I've been watching it since I was born haha

Damien: I'm so glad you liked her. Her performance made the whole season for me. I loved Tony and GOB last season and this season. I was a little disappointed by the green screen in their last scene, otherwise it was great! Hahaha I know what Charmed is! Just never seen it. What was your favorite movie or show as a kid? Other than Jim Henson movies?

Diana: I feel so bad for GOB he never finds love or fulfillment. Haha alright cool! I'm just used to having to explain it to others. I love(d) Gilmore Girls! It was the show my mom and I would watch together whenever I stayed home sick.

Damien: Poor GOB :( He just needs a good man in his life. Oh Lorelai and Luke 😭 Just get together and stay together! I need to disclose something you don't know about me... and it might be a deal-breaker : / I'm eating a ring pop right now.

Diana: Oh wow a ring pop. That's pretty wild. Super crazy. Idk if I can handle Haha what flavor is it?

Damien: Mixed berry! How's Charmed?

Diana: A very nice choice. Mixed berry is great bc what's in it? Strawberry? Boysenberry? Poision berries? Love the thrill of a mystery 😂 Super rad. They're vanquishing all the demons with the power of sisterhood. I think I'm done though, it's a good time to go for a stroll!! What are you up to, besides enjoying your candy jewelry?

Damien: Idk what it is! But it's so good. Idk what's going on... B[redacted] keeps handing me things to drink and I keep wincing and drinking it. Maybe ignore me for the next hour or two? Where are you strolling?

Diana: Haha alright have fun with that!! Party time for you! I'm headed into the night to commune with The Void™. We're good friends

Damien: If "party" means "get tipsy and watch Vine compilations," then yes... it's party time. Tell her I said hi! We used to hang out a lot, but not so much anymore... though we do still talk when I need to write weird stuff.

Diana: That is the exact definition of party time. Wooo! Aw I hate when friends drift apart. The Void™ probably misses you

Damien: Honestly, she can be a bit draining... and my life is better when we only hang out occasionally. But I still have a special place in my heart for her endless inspiration.

Diana: I suppose that is true. She is too hot to handle sometimes. Everything in moderation

Damien: What time were you thinkin' for Wednesday? I'll be around anytime after 2!

Diana: Temporal plans are for squares. I'll meet you when the sky is 202.3° on the color wheel

Damien: I went to art school and degrees is not a measure of color.

Diana: It is now I just made it up

Diana: How about 3 pm?

Damien: Give me an RGB # and I'll figure it out. Or temporal figures in EST works too. Yep, 3 works.

Diana: Okay great. Now we're squares

Damien: We will be triangles again soon. Promise.

Diana: Oh phew thank goodness

Damien: You and I... we'll never be squares. Tell me something I don't know about you.

Diana: Oh what a relief. 😁 My middle name is Jane, from the character in Pride and Prejudice. Tell me something about you!

Damien: Diana Jane is a lovely name.

Damien: Along those lines... but sadder... my parents had two sons before me, both died as infants from the same rare heart defect. The first was named Jonathon [redacted], the second was named [redacted] Damien. And I'm Damien Jonathon : )

Diana: Thank you. I'm pretty proud of my name, it's mine and mine alone haha That is sad, but sweet that you have the opportunity to bear their names as your own :) I like it

Damien: I always loved the name Jane. I named one of my favorite characters Janie : ) I like it too. And you are insanely sweet. How was the Void?

Diana: Oh nice that's spicy 🔥 Thanks haha it's bc I eat more candy than real food Refreshing. I love drifting away from time and space. How was wincing and drinking and vines?

Damien: I love the drift too. ...sorta doing that now... driving to the teeny tiny [redacted] beach with doggo and listening to your playlist.

Diana: Haha I'm listening to your playlist right now. The beach is the perfect place to drift away to

Damien: Especially when the stars are visible 🌻 My favorite.

Diana: Now I want to go night swimming! 🏊⭐️ The stars are very beautiful when you're in the middle of the mountains. Makes me miss Utah. Can you see lots of stars where you are?

Damien: [redacted] is PERFECT for skinny— I mean night swimming. I can definitely see stars, but it's nothing like the mountains on a cloudless night. I wish it was clear enough to see the Milky Way here. That is honestly my favorite thing ever. I bet you could see it in Utah! Time permitting, we could lay at the [redacted] beach and hope it's a clear evening : )

Diana: Hahah yep call it what it is. Yes, you can in some parts. In the valleys the pollution can get bad though. But breaking out of smog season and going higher, it's breathtaking. More stars than I've ever seen in my life 😍 That sounds lovely to me

Damien: We used to live right on [redacted]. My parents built a small house on the lot beside their house, and that's where I live now. I can see a sliver of the lake from my balcony... and the neighbor lets us keep kayaks on the beach so we don't have to carry them down. Then the teeny tiny [redacted] public beach is about 1/10th of a mile down the road. It's a nice little area. I would do anything to visit mountains this summer and see the Milky Way.

Diana: That sounds great. I always wanted to live near the beach. Do you want to keep that as home forever? I'm pretty sure I already gave you some hot tips about getting what you want from Satan! But it is wonderful, the first time I saw it I cried

Damien: I'm honestly not sure where I want to live in the future. I would move anywhere if I had a decent reason, but it's been nice staying in one spot for awhile. You're such an F 🙄 (Buuuuut that's also why I have a crush on you.) I just realized I have YouTube videos you might like... but I'll show you when it's not so late! Remind me : )

Diana: Well those are good things. You've got lots of life to live still, who knows the future. Hell yeah I love being an F! 😂 Okay I'll put that down in the For Later file.

Damien: Okay... it's my bedtime. Time to watch the April and Andy show until I can't keep my eyes open.

Diana: That's the best way to end the day! Good night, que tengas dulces sueños. 🌜😊

Damien: Gracias, linda. Y tu. 🌻

June 12, 2018

Damien: Eight more short scenes until I'm done with Part Two of this book 😬 Also... gonna try to watch s04e01 of Sherlock with Mom tonight. I hope it features Ms. Adler so you can finally get that rant off your chest!

Diana: Yay!! 👏 You're really booking along Oh you're on season four? That's the last one! Next time you see me you will get a rant

Damien: We'll probably only watch one tonight. You can only rant if Irene is in this ep! Otherwise no spoilers : P

Diana: Yes but now I know what you've seen, and I know what I can rant about! Haha have fun watching the Six Thatchers

Diana: Are you a Twizzlers or a Red Vines person?

Damien: Red Vines 😬 I know, I know... blame it on movie sets in LA. When we wrap, the craft service people would always give me the leftover tub of Red Vines. Now they're nostalgic. You? No hate if you're a Twizzlers gal... promise.

Diana: Well that's a sweet memory! Leslie Knope would approve. 👌 I am a Twizzlers girl though. I used to eat them like crazy when I was younger. Breakfast, lunch and dinner? Twizzlers.

Damien: *adds Twizzlers to list of stuff Diana likes*

Author's Note: A year or so later, we found out we had both been keeping running lists of what the other person liked. Diana still has her list of Damien's likes in a journal!

Damien: I'm glad we share a fondness for sugar. Though mine greatly overshadows yours.

Damien: Wanna meet here tomorrow? You can meet my pup outside for a sec, then we can head to [redacted]. It looks like storms in the morning, but should be sunny for the rest of the day : ) There's the beach, [redacted], ice cream, candy, dinner, star gazing, [redacted]... if we get rained out we could watch Arrival at my place (with the sincerest promise that I'm not trying to get in your pants) or see if there's anything good at the theater. We'll be Ps for the day if that's cool... just play it by ear like last time?

Diana: Alright, sounds like a fun plan to me! 👍

Damien: Found these! Might be fun?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Cool floating fire!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I also have a hammock I need to use! Make me go on adventures, please.

Diana: Hahah are you just going through your house looking for anything interesting?

Damien: Noooo I'm cleaning and finding interesting things : P

Diana: Okay find anything else cool? A ghost? The meaning of life?

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Does this jar of pickled eggs count? 🤢

Diana: I was gonna say that was Not Cool but then I saw it was [redacted] so I changed my mind it's cool

Damien: Definitely Not Cool™

Diana: Top 3 favorite candy?

Damien: That's so hard! Hmm... 1. Pure white rock candy 2. Swedish Fish 3. Sour Patch Kids 3. Reece's of any kind 3. Those new Skittles that are spicy (literally spicy, not Spicy™) 3. Circus Peanuts because I'm a disgusting pig 3. Sugar cubes You?

Diana: Wow I love this list, there's so much to laugh about here 😂

Diana: I'm glad I met you because now I know there's someone who loves candy more than me

Damien: You just like the salt block you carry in your purse.

Diana: Man a salt block would be so much more convenient

Author's Note: We actually have giant rocks of salt in our cupboard now...

Damien: You're like a deer : ) 🦌🌻

Diana: Haha (read this is the voice of the avocado boy from vine) thaaanks. And you're like...an animal that eats sugar cubes? Horse?

Damien: Send me a picture I haven't seen before. You or your cat or something amazing.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: These are my dogs. P[redacted] (like in the kids book) and M[redacted] is the little one

Damien: Omg....... they are so frickin' sweet....... Did you say you had to leave them behind? I can't quite remember...

Diana: They're perfect. Yes, they live with a family friend now :( One day I'll get them back

Damien: That's super happy though :) I'm sure they're being taken care of and will be happy to see you : )

Diana: Yes, they're loved. I miss them like I'd miss a piece of my own soul though. How long have you had Maevey?

Damien: ❤️❤️ That makes me happy that they're loved... sad that you're hurting... I've had her for a year and a few months. No exes will steal her away from me.

Diana: Thank you :) You're in an ellipses mood tonight I see Oh good what you two have is true dog/dog owner love

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: She says hi

Damien: (With that one upside down whisker.)

Diana: Tell her she's charming and a real stunner for me

Damien: I did : ) Hey... I'm heading to bed to be lulled asleep by the antics of Lesily Knope. Remind me of those two things tomorrow, okay?? If it wasn't apparent, I think you're pretty cool and I'm excited to hang out again 🌻

Diana: Will do. Thank you, I feel the same :) Here's a flower emoji for you 🌸 Good night & sweet dreams.

Damien: You were right.... your emojis have super powers 🦋 Goodnight, Diana Jane.

June 13, 2018

Diana: Hey there : ) Still on for 3?

Damien: 👍🌻

Diana: Hey I have to do an emergency dogwalking so I won't be there til 3:30, sorry!

Damien: Don't apologize! I'll see you soon : )

Author's Note: Our second date started in Damien's driveway where Diana brought him a bag of Spicy Skittles, his #3 favorite candy.

Author's Note: We went to the beach, but ended up people-watching on a bench in the shade because the heat was affecting Diana's POTS symptoms. When it cooled off, we walked around Damien's hometown talking about how Sherlock mishandled Irene Adler, how "gray" should always be spelled "grey," and how Diana likes monochrome outfits and Damien doesn't.

Author's Note: All in all the date lasted nine hours... one hour longer than our first. The morning after...

June 14, 2018

Damien: I'm glad we met 💚

Diana: Me too. I think you're lovely

Chapter 4: Movies, Music, and Mannequins

Jun 14, 2018

Author's Note: More banter, more lists, and talk about Damien possibly being a demisexual. Oh! And a dead mannequin :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: The gift that keeps on giving.

Diana: Haha you still haven't finished them? Which flavor is your favorite?

Damien: Blazin' Mango. Forgot about them on the bathroom counter until I finally gave Maeve a bath. Did you sleep?

Diana: Neat-o! Yes, for a couple hours. I feel very refreshed! How did you sleep?

Diana: This is what I'm doing now.(Nannying)

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I slept until 10:30 and feel fine so far! I love kids. Especially when I can give 'em back.

Diana: Oh yeah they're a fun show. Today the 6yr old cried bc his brother had chicken nuggets on his plate. This kid could NOT seem to understand that he also had chicken nuggets on his plate?? Imagine the biggest problem being the number of chicken nuggets in your possession. A simpler life 😂

Damien: Wait... where are my chicken nuggets??

Diana: You can't eat chicken nuggets as an adult. They're like fairies, you can only see them when you're a kid

Damien: God I miss childhood. Can we be born again as star-children with only vague memories of our former lives, rule over a universe of our own creation, and eat chicken nuggets? Pretty please?

Diana: You know what anything is possible if you just believe

Diana: Please explain to me what star-children are

Damien: From 2001: A Space Odyssey

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: That looks creeeepy What are some of your favorite sci-fi movies?

Damien: Children of Men, 2001, Blade Runner 2049, Inception, Gravity, Wall*E, and Sunshine : ) Any favorites? Or do we need to have a marathon?

Diana: I've seen two of those! Yes haha my sci-fi movie experience is too incomplete to have any favorites

Damien: Wall*E and Inception?

Diana: You're exactly right

Damien: What's your favorite genre?

Diana: I don't think I actually have a favorite movie genre, I don't watch as many movies as I would like to. Although I've seen a million too many Hallmark romcoms bc of my mom haha What's your favorite?

Damien: driving and belting elephant love medley from moulin rouge with b[redacted]. ill text in a few! 🌻

Diana: 😊👍

Damien: At B[redacted]'s family's garage sale for some reason? Then The Incredibles ☺️ One is too many Hallmark movies 😂 I should make a list of movies you need to see... I love all genres as long as they're good, lol

Diana: Wow garage sales are Spicy™ Yeah bc if you've seen one you've seen them all Actually a list would be cool and useful haha

Damien: Be careful what you wish for... I can list movies for days! I'm a thousand times more articulate about movies than music, lol

Diana: Cool cool cool cool I love lists haha but that only makes sense since you pursued movie-making

Damien: I'm hanging with the gays tonight, and they think I might be demisexual? Aside from the fact that labels are getting a little out of hand, does that sound right from what you know about me?

Diana: I mean it could apply, since it seems like you feel the need to form some sort of bond with someone before getting Funky Fresh™ as the cool kids say, but on the other hand, from what you've said it seems like you experience physical attraction to strangers which would exclude you from that label. Something to think about though

Damien: Hmm... I can definitely find strangers physically attractive, but I never imagine getting Funky Fresh with them... and if I were to try, I'm not sure it would do much for me. Trust is too big of an issue for me, I think... part of the reason I reject people for the first few dates. TMI time: the few times I was with someone before feeling comfortable with them, I didn't really "work." And attraction wasn't enough to make it work... Idk... just thinkin' out loud 😬🌻

Damien: Movie ❤️

Damien: The Incredibles was amazing. Hope you're having a good night!

Diana: 1) I have thoughts on the previous conversation we were having but I'm gonna put them on pause right now 2) omg I'm sure the incredibles was awesome I can't wait to see it I'm glad you liked it 3) OKAY this is the most important thing right now: look at what I just found laying around

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Omg where did you find that?!?

Damien: Just got home! 1. No rush, we'll talk about it later! 2. Seriously... such a clever and fun movie! 3. Explain!

Diana: I was just out for an evening stroll and stumbled upon them! The weirdest thing about it is (you can't see from the pictures but) there are stab marks throughout the whole body of the male mannequin. Like someone took out some intense aggression in this mannequin and then just threw it out here. Why??? It's creepy I love it

Damien: Holy shit that's amazing. Didja steal it?? Probably a serial killer's practice doll.

Diana: Yikes. Haha I really really wanted to it but they're pretty heavy & I have nowhere to put them. But it would be hilarious to just hide them in random places and see how people react

Damien: That would be brilliant. Put it in the shower with the curtain closed.

Diana: Ultimate possibilities!! 😂

Damien: Maevey says hi, btw!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hi Maevey!! 😁 Haha she looks a little spooked

Damien: It's a truly terrible picture 😂

Diana: Still beautiful

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Ready for my thoughts on #1? Here they are. I think sexual attraction is finding someone physically appealing and feeling the desire to engage sexually with them because of it. There is primary sexual attraction, where this sexual desire is sparked purely bc of one's physical appearance, and there is secondary sexual attraction, which involves an emotional connection. Demisexuals only experience secondary attraction. Which seems to make sense for you, but we have talked about how you think beauty gives rise to infatuation (which isn't a concept that really applies demisexuality). Although it could be argued that you feel this way purely because you appreciate beauty in all forms. Like maybe you are drawn to beautiful women in the same way you are drawn in by a beautiful painting? What do you think?

Damien: I said beauty is linked to infatuation... but neither of those things is necessarily linked to sex... so I would use the comparison to the painting... Still sorta thinking about it... I honestly don't need a word for it, lol... just trying to articulate my feelings about it : )

Damien: And you are a huge help with that.

Diana: I find the concept of attraction very fascinating so I think it's fun to discuss this stuff. I like learning how other people feel about it, even if they don't subscribe to a label

Damien: I love it too. I love talking about anything difficult, abstract, or controversial... if that wasn't obvious. I'll keep trying to explain it!

Diana: Oh that's so crazy bc you seem so traditional and close-minded

Damien: A[redacted] invited his side guy tonight. He legit keeps staring at me and hitting on me. Why does this always happen with men??

Diana: I don't know 😂 I could hypothesize. Or just ask them! Maybe they're picking up on some heteroflexibility you haven't discovered yet. Hahah maybe one day you'll wake up like me and decide you're also into men

Damien: 😂😂😂 I've been tryin'!

Diana: Hahaha well until then you can relish the attention as a boost to your self esteem

Damien: Hey. I'm heading to Arkansas on the 20th. I'd love to see you once more before I leave! It's okay if you can't. It'll probably be 5-7 days!

Diana: Cool that's fun! I'm free Monday or Tuesday :)

Damien: Let's do Monday? You are always invited here, but I hate that you have to drive. We can always do something on your end or in the middle too.

Diana: Monday it is. How about we meet at (63° 25' 59.99" N, 10° 53' 59.99" E)

Damien: Norway is too far away 😔

Diana: Oh well damn it to Hell

Damien: And we give directions in color degrees anyway.

Diana: No color is a measurement of time 😂

Damien: No time is a measurement of music

Diana: Nothing is real there is no meaning in life

Damien: Consciousness is the only thing we know to be real.

Diana: I don't trust her either

Damien: She might be lying in what she shows you... but the fact that you know what it's like to be you is damn good evidence...

Diana: Haha you're so fun to talk to

Diana: Consciousness is great but you know what I really need? Unconsciousness. It's bedtime for me haha

Damien: Ha, go to sleep. You need rest!!

Damien: Sweet dreams, Diana 💛

Diana: Good night!! 🌜😊 Try not to dream about E.T.

Damien: MEAN

Diana: 😘

June 15, 2018

Damien: I hope your day is orange-free, filled with creepy mannequins, and as sweet as circus peanuts. May your head and heart be on the same page so you don't faint. And know there's a weirdo dog-nerd in [redacted] who's thinking about you lots 🌻

Diana: *robot voice* too,,, nice !! cannot... cOMpUTE

Diana: You are sweeter than circus peanuts. I hope you are having the kind of day where you can't stop smiling, as you have done that for me :)

Damien: I am, actually. I was already taking a writing break—dancin' and head bangin' to Twenty One Pilots—then I got your text, smiled even bigger, and danced even harder. (Also, I'm the 🤖 You're the 🖤)

Diana: Rad!! Sounds like a real spectacle worth seeing! What songs in particular? (Oops my bad. Sorry for appropriating your robot culture)

Damien: I will share my analytical robot heart with you if show me how to feel. The song was Car Radio... reveling in that super-hype breakdown! Hold on... gonna send you somethin'...

Damien: These are the songs that define Damien [redacted]. They paint me as a very white, overly-sentimental male... most of which is probably true. I stand by each of them as a musical representation of my feeling toward life, but not on their quality, lol I limited the list to ten. You know at least seven of them. No rush to listen or analyze ; ) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6FQS2oNcQUs5VJEHGGY66B?si=L0j3UccyTWKZSxG68R515g

Damien shared a link: Songs That Define Damien (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Sounds like a deal. Hell yeah it's a jam!! Wooow very cool, very spicy. Thank you for sharing :) I love things like that

Damien: I know. And I love that you like things like that. Just finished another scene... and I might just knock out another! Then only six scenes left in Part Two 😬

Diana: Yay look at you go!! The Amazing Writing Man! It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's the beginnings of a book! ✍💪📖

Damien: The beginnings?! Better be the middles or I'm screwed 😫

Diana: Haha the joke just flowed better that way!

Damien: Any amazing plans for your Friday night? Lifting curses? Challenging tornadoes? Beating your record of 60 dates in 60 days?

Author's Note: Yes, Diana really did go out with sixty people in sixty days when she was a freshman in Utah. 1. Dating is pushed HARD on Mormons in college. 2. She had very little money for food. 3. In Damien's words, she was absolutely stunning, so obviously guys wanted to buy her dinner!

Diana: Wow I'm *literally* so cool

Diana: Not tonight though. Just watching Queer Eye with my family. Counting how many times they say YAS (so far 7). How about you, besides creating whole new worlds with just the power of the English language?

Damien: Yaaaas, queen! You celebrate pride month with the Queer Eyes! Not whole new worlds... just alternate realities of this one : ) I'm being The Most Boring Person In The World™. Packing for my trip... hangin' with Maeve... staring at my notecards... wishing we were in a blanket fort on my bed holding hands and sharing earbuds like it's 2006... doing laundry... The usual.

Diana: Hell yeah! Yay for the gays! 🌈 Haha semantics. Oh that's cute, but time isn't real, especially not 2006. Haha it sounds like you're being productive though. Laundry isn't boring, it's an intense battle between machine and man('s clothes). Tell Maevey hello from me :)

Damien: But the folding part is sooooo boring 😫 And Maevey says hi and she's tired of watching Parks and Rec.

Diana: It's relaxing! Poor Maevey. Which episode are you watching?

Damien: The one where Leslie gets in the fight with the bowling guy who doesn't like her!

Diana: Oh season four!! I love Ben in that one! 😂👊💢

Damien: Meee too. That part's coming up!

Diana: What do you think is his personality type?

Damien: I? S? T J The I isn't too extreme... he can definitely be outgoing when he needs to be, but I bet he recharges alone or with Leslie. He was definitely an S back when he was the youngest mayor... and I think he still is. Definitely a T and J! What do you think?

Damien: You could type it all out, or you could send me the extensive list you made years ago.

Diana: Haha it's so funny I can hear you saying the letters.

Diana: What do you mean extensive list? haha

Damien: I just figured you had a map of every character, their types, and notes already written out : ) Am I right?? ISTJ?

Diana: Hahaha oh man for a second I was like "I didn't tell him about that??". Yeah I do I think it could be argued, but he seems more N to me, you can see that more in his relationships with others. Most people think INTJ, so I was wondering if you related to him.

Damien: I KNEW it. Yeah, it really is close to the middle... but I really don't see him forming master plans... at least not successful master plans. I wish I could say I identify with the adorable, lovable Ben...... but I think I'm a bit closer to House or Walter White... Or maybe a nice mix of the classic INTJs and Ben 🤔

Diana: I see what you're saying. Idk if success is a factor that affects whether you're an S or N though. You seem more lovable and adorable to me. Haha those other guys are mean. But idk I'm not an expert and also he isn't a real person

Damien: 1. INTJs are ALWAYS successful ; ) 2. You make me strive to be lovable and adorable. 3. If there's an MBTI expert in the world, it's you 🌻

Damien: I'm not sure I love the Ann/Tom relationship.

Diana: 1. Alright if you say so :) Success is subjective anyway 2. That's sweet, you must be doing a great job of making that seem natural. 3. You are really making me see the 🌻 in a completely different light 4. (Even though you didn't number this one) It's wack in a funny but also uncomfortable way. Why does Ann have so many nonsensical relationships?? 😂 Tom + Lucy Forever

Damien: 1. Success isn't subjective if you define a goal and achieve it. 2. Honestly, I'm not actually striving very hard. I think I'm just more relaxed. 3. Haha do you hate sunflowers?? I can find a new one! 🌹 4. I remember it being less funny. Watching it now, I sorta love Tom's over-the-top attempts, lol. And yes, he and Lucy are perfect : D 5. We have so many conversations going at the same time we have to number them. This is new for me. We can stop at any time.

Diana: 1. Spoken like a true INTJ. 2. Good! Or not. Maybe I gotta keep you on your toes more, keep it interesting. 3. No I love sunflowers!! They're actually my phone background. I just never use that emoji 4. Yes and it's so funny when they clash. Like over her not knowing Ginuwine or the thread counts 😂 5. This is how Cool People text. Get used to it!

Damien: 4. I KID YOU NOT I WATCHED THEM TALK ABOUT THREAD COUNTS AS I READ #4 Are you stalking me? Are you outside my window???

Damien: Okay, no more caps.

Damien: 2. I'm describing it badly, ha. I'm never mean or anything, but I'm not usually as open (or vulnerable?) as I have been around you. Also, give us another date or two before you make things even more interesting. I'm barely keeping up 😂

Diana: 4. Yes. Can't you see me waving at you? 2. Well, I'm glad you're being open. It's easier to read you that way. More information to later destroy you as a step in my quest to crush all of humanity. I mean more information to get to know you :) Haha you're keeping up just fine!

Damien sent a video.

Damien: Enjoy this video of Maevey worried about Champion. Hot tub time! By myself because B[redacted] works late.

Diana: Aww that's so cute! She has such personality. Have fun and don't drown!

Damien: Didn't drown!

Damien: I had to search to find this part I loved from The Good Place. Forgot to send it to you! Young Chidi is trying to pick teams on the playground : )

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha I love that part!!! Reminds me a little of something you were talking about. But "I'm vexed, Uzo, vexed" is hilarious and I'm gonna start saying it

Damien: I've been dying to, but I haven't been around anyone who would understand, lol

Diana: Do it anyway! Who cares if they get the joke or not! It's still funny

Damien: I'm working on a movie list for you. It won't be super long, but it will be perfect.

Diana: Well isn't that automatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh! I'm so excited! 😁

Damien: I don't think you understand... these movies are going to change your life. These are not my all-time favorites, these are movies curated especially for you.

Diana: 😱😱

Diana: Alright then I am even more excited and ready for my life to be changed!

Damien: I am so excited right now...

Damien: I just had a revelation. I looked it up online to confirm it... and the internet agrees. In Arrival, Amy Adams is an INFJ. I wasn't sure why I've been pushing so hard for you to see this movie... it just sorta felt right. Now I know what my instincts knew all along. Sleep well, Diana. Thanks for indulging in my weird tangents and rants 🌻

Diana: I just finished reading (Damien's third novel)

Author's Note: We haven't said it explicitly yet, but Damien has written five novels and one small book about writing. At this point in our relationship, he was working on his sixth.

Author's Note: We went to the library on our first date, and he was so excited to find that they had one of his books. Of course Diana had to check it out! She just didn't tell him until she finished it.

Damien: ?!

Damien: What??

Damien: What did you think 😬

Diana: I have lots of thoughts but it was a good book. Left me with lots of questions and emotions

Damien: I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts sometime... seriously... Your opinion means so much. And since nothing offends me, you can be 100% honest. I just hope it didn't make you like me less or anything...

Damien: Okay. I'm nervous.

Diana: Next time you see me, you will hear some Thoughts™. The more I know about you, the more I like you :) haha for example the way you used parentheses in the book was very interesting to me

Damien: Okay... whew... I can't believe you read the whole thing...

Diana: Haha you didn't think I would finish it?

Damien: I just had no idea.

Damien: 🌷🌹🌼🌺🌸🌻

Diana: Oh cool so many pretty flowers! 😁

Damien: You made my night.

Diana: I'm excited to talk with you about it :)

Damien: Imagine you spent two years pouring your soul into a piece of art, then a girl you like just read it. Multiply your excitement by a thousand ; )

Damien: And you have my excitement* if that wasn't clear 😂

Diana: Hahaha well awesome we are both very excited 😁 How's your analytical robot heart?

Damien: Full

Damien: How's your giant emotional heart?

Diana: She's on a smoke break

Damien: 🖤

Diana: Hahaha there she is. Sadly I don't have the black heart in my emoji arsenal

Damien: Good, 'cause you don't have one in your body either!

Diana: You're right I actually keep my black heart locked away in a secret chest under my bed to keep it safe

Damien: I like how what you say and how you act are two different things ; )

Diana: I'm falling asleep... Nighty night, sweet dreams! 😘🌜

Damien: Goodnight, Diana 🌺

Author's Note: Before we end this chapter, let's take another look at Diana's compulsive note taking about Damien written between chapters 1 and 5:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Chapter 5: Diana's Notes on Physical Touch

Jun 16, 2018

Author's Note: The intimacy grows deeper as we move steadily toward the third date that would change everything...

Damien: I'm going to Pride in GR and I don't have any rainbow clothes 😔

Diana: Oh no!!! They will kick you out! Better get some rainbow paint 🌈

Damien: Maybe I'll borrow B[redacted]'s wig 🤔

Diana: Haha does he have a rainbow wig??

Damien: He does... looking for it now...

Diana: Well that's very snazzy

Damien: I'm a terrible human. Are you free Tuesday instead of Monday by any chance? 😬 Monday is my Mom's birthday. I'm a terrible son, lol

Damien: (Please say yes.)

Diana: Haha actually that works better for me!! And last week Tuesday was my brother's birthday, which is why I had to switch to Wednesday so no judgement from me 😂

Damien: Okay awesome! Whew.

Damien: Now I need a present 😑😫🤔

Diana: Happy early birthday to your Mom! 🎉

Damien: : D I'll tell her you said that ; )

Damien: And happy late birthday to your bro!

Diana: This baby shower that I'm at will Never End. I've been sitting in this chair and smiling for seventy two years. Time stretches before my eyes, millions of years, but it's nothing compared to the length of this gathering

Damien: In any other situation I would tell you that time is in the eye of the beholder. I'd tell you to use your fairy INFJ goddess powers to make time your bitch and bend it to your will... But parties of that nature are pure evil... our powers are no good there. My heart goes out to you in your hour (millennia?) of need 💛

Diana: Thank you for your yellow heart, I'm pretty sure it helped free me from the shower's evil clutches. I owe you. Now I'm headed to the beach!

Damien: Glad I could help! I learned emoji-charm magic from the best. Have we reached the point where we're telling each other what we're ACTUALLY doing? 😱 Hope you have a blast!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 🌻

Diana: Hey thanks that clears it up!! That's really beautiful and makes me like it more :) Did you listen to the Noah & the Whale song?

Damien: I love that last line so much. And shit! No! Which one was it again?

Diana: Yes me too! It's called Give A Little Love

Damien: I am surrounded by rainbows.

Damien: Just got home and exhausted. How was your day?

Diana: What was the coolest thing to happen to you today? Great! I tripped and fell into a vortex that transported me to an alternate dimension where sights were sounds and smells were tangible. It was pretty wack. Then I found my way back to this one and enjoyed the company of my friends :)

Damien: Yours sounds way cooler. I just went to pride And I just crawled into bed and I'm dead. Remind me to tell you about R[redacted], the guy B[redacted]'s been texting... I don't know if anything cool really happened to me! I'm so boring right now... my eyes keep shutting... Also I'm excited for Tuesday... And I'm so glad you made back from the vortex 🏳️‍🌈

Diana: Yeah the more vortexes a story has, the cooler it is. Haha it sounds like somebody (you) needs to go to sleep!!! I'm excited for Tuesday also :) Get some rest and have lovely dreams. 🌟

Damien: 😴🌺😴

June 17, 2018

Author's Note: Father's Day, a complicated day for both of us:

Damien: Have you ever seen any "artsy" type movies? Movies that were more contemplative... more about the visuals... maybe a little slower...

Diana: I don't know. I saw the Marie Antoinette movie and I hated it haha

Damien: Haha hmm... because I have a few movie suggestions that are a little artsier that absolutely fit with your personality type and concepts I know you enjoy, but they may not mesh with your attention span or tolerance for weird shit, ha How's your Sunday been going?

Diana: Well put them on them on the list! I like trying new things! My Sunday has been rad! I went to the lake again with my family. No vortexes this time. I love coming home with the beach still on my skin ☀️ How was your Sunday?

Damien: Okay! I'll just go with my gut feelings about what I know about you. That's the best feeling ever. I HATE naps, but naps are best after a day in the sun and on the lake. It was a little sad, but mostly good! Just hung around... walked in the woods a bit... texted a couple Arkansas friends about next week and I'm getting excited : )

Diana: I totally agree about naps. Totally overrated, excluding those Beach Naps™. Good, it's always fun to visit places that were once home and people you love! 😁 I'm sorry about the sad thing, I imagine that's hard to avoid. Do you have any special tradition that you do or used to do for today?

Damien: We never really had holiday traditions other than for Christmas. I think my family always had so much going on that it was hard to have any consistency. Most just quality time. I miss that a lot, not just with Dad, but with my family who I saw a thousand times more before he died. 🦋 at the question... thank you for asking.

Diana: Yeah that makes sense. Some families don't need traditions! :) Looking back on those family times must feel different, more special, than it felt then. What does the butterfly emoji mean to you?

Damien: It means that fluttering feeling in the chest at something sweet and unexpected. I want you to know I thought about you a lot today. I'm bad with words when I don't know everything about a situation, so I won't try. Just know you were in my thoughts and I think you're a wonderful human 🌻

Diana: Oh well in that case, 🦋.

Damien: Any new favorite songs I should add to my playlist and/or analyze while I drift asleep?

Diana: So many. Here's the one I'm listening to now.

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/1p2TWJxUlHE5JR0sE6E1d7?si=OnCDkijTTFCwuv0Ge0gIcQ

Diana shared a link: Best to You (open.spotify.com)

June 18, 2018

Damien: Totally fell asleep before clicking that! But I listened this morning and it's great : ) May your day be filled with kickass vortexes, life-altering music, and everything else that makes you smile 🌻

Diana: Haha I figured and yes, I know it's great! Thank you, now I will have a good day. :) Happy birthday to your mom!

Damien: I've been packing, watching the Ron Swanson Show, and teaching Maevey new tricks!

Damien: (Don't laugh at how nerdy I look in my little-kid shirt and with my awkward INTJ movements.)

Damien sent a video.

Diana: Aww that's absolutely adorable!! Maevey is very talented. Gold star for her 🌟

Damien: Give a Little Love ❤️👍🌺

Diana: Hell yeah that song is a bop. I'm watching Parks and Rec "Article Two" and I forgot how funny this one is. Leslie and the old timey bet thing is alright ig but I love the Chris/Ron/April leadership training storyline 😂 and the Leslie's holidays gift war between Ann & Ben!

Damien: Ohhhh that's so good! When she has the whole calendar of all the "holidays"? Like when they ate waffles for the first time and stuff?? I need to find new shows 😑

Damien: The benefits of hanging with Mom. Sorry... spamming you my whole day, lol

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Wow that's a lot of fudge. What's your favorite flavor? Don't be sorry, I like seeing what's happening with you :)

Damien: Vanilla... but only because it feels more like pure sugar 😂 Like clear rock candy and plain cheesecake. I'm truly psychotic... please know that I recognize my problem. Did I ask you your favorite food and totally forget? Or did I never ask to begin with? If you were about to sing "My Way" in the Philippines and you could pick a final meal to eat before you die, what would it be?

Diana: Hahaha that's a really weird reason to like vanilla. But it's okay, it makes you more interesting. I don't think we talked about it, although I think I mentioned that I love pomegranates. Anything pomegranate is my favorite. For my last meal before being murderered for singing My Way, I would pick my mom's homemade oatmeal bread with some goat cheese and pomegranate seeds :) What would pick?

Damien: We did talk about pomegranates! But I'm glad to know the rest : ) A unique response too... I'd probably say a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's 😂

Diana: Hahaha wow you're easy to please. Nice, simple tastes like vanilla and cheap pizza! 👌

Damien: Thoughts on tomorrow? I would love to watch Arrival at some point... but just hanging out with you is more important. B[redacted] is in[redacted] for the next three days, so the house is empty. I don't mind meeting somewhere either if it's too annoying to come all the way to [redacted]. I'm free anytime after noon : )

Diana: Okay let's do that, I don't mind the drive :) How about 4?

Damien: Four works : )

Diana: Awesome, I'll see you then. Unless I fall into another vortex on the way, then who knows.

Damien: Please don't fall into a vortex.

Diana: I will do my very best 👌

June 19, 2018

Damien: I’m more excited about this list than I should be. Most of these movies are experiences more than simple stories. You‘re one of the brightest people I’ve ever met, and I wanted to recommend films that would keep your brain churrning long after you finished watching them. I considered your personality type, your spiritual inclination, your interest in the human brain, your penchant for analyzation, and your appreciation for art. If you’ve seen any of the top six, let me know and I’ll bump one up from the runner ups. Arrival: INFJ protagonist; a film about the philosphy and psychology of communication; aliens visit earth and struggle to speak with humanity; a relatively simple premise, but with a puzzle that shook me to my core. Amelie: One of the first films I thought of for you; on a hunch, I looked up personality types and found that this protagonist is also an INFJ; a gorgeous and quirky foreign film about a woman searching for a specific man in France; I’ve been calling it “overrated” for years, so I’d love to give it another chance. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: It’s likely you’ve already seen this; everyone loves this movie, and I love it too; I think you’ll love the neuroscience aspect (though it’s clearly sci-fi); you may also be interested to see a creative and heart-wrenching portrayal of the INTJ/ENFP passion/death spiral. The Fountain: This is an “art” film, but the intense soundtrack and stunning visuals should be enough to keep you engaged until the end; this movie hints that time, as you say, doesn’t exist; a man searches for eternal youth over thousands of years; it's not a perfect film, but it's possibly a perfect experience if you let it wash over you; if you don’t enjoy this one, skip Tree of Life. 500 Days of Summer: A straight-forward comedy to break up the artsier films; a brutal, fun, and fair look at the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope; enough feel-good, stand-up-and-dance moments to balence the melancholy. Tree of Life: The most stunningly-beautiful film I’ve ever seen; a true art film and totally open to interpretation; we could spend another 13-hour day dissecting every gorgeous layer of this masterpiece; definitely on the slow side; a meditation on life, death, family, and the universe. Runner Ups: Donnie Darko Wings of Desire Her Moonrise Kingdom American Beauty Annihilation

Author's Note: Diana: "This was literally the best thing anyone I'd ever been with had done for me. I had never felt so seen before. I still consider Arrival, Amélie, Eternal Sunshine, Donnie Darko, and Annihilation some of my favorite movies. And now we've seen 410 together. Yes, we keep track!"

Diana: This is absolutely wonderful and I love it! I keep reading the list over again, I'm very eager to watch/experience these movies now. I really appreciate that you made this :)

Diana: here's what the sky looked like this morning !

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I'm glad you like the tiny list! I'm way more articulate with movies than music, ha. I've been trying to find a tactful way to say I have a few of them on DVD/Blu-ray without making you feel obligated to actually watch any of them or to have something you need to return, lol. If you do want any, let me know! The sky is absolutely lovely. The only way I see the sunrise anymore is if I stay up late enough 😬

Diana: Haha it's the perfect length, feels manageable. I'm serious about actually watching them, so I might want them, thanks! :) Haha yeah I feel that. Today I just accidentally woke up early so I was like mind well take advantage of my consciousness and go for a sunrise jog! I think sunrises are actually better than sunsets.

Damien: There's a different feeling to the morning air... there's so much stillness and this undercurrent of *potential* in every sunrise. They also make me feel alone, but in a good way, where sunsets make me feel more connected to others. Sunrises smell sweeter than sunsets too, I think.

Diana: I totally agree 🌄 Maybe it just seems more special because I see more sunsets than sunrises though haha. I wonder what morning people think

Damien: I try not to associate with morning people 😂

Diana: Hahaha but there's so much to learn from them! Like how 7 am feels.

Damien: For some reason I equate "morning person" with "extrovert" and get the same vibe 😂 Sudden epiphany: when I say I never need to "recharge" after hanging out with others, I think I actually mean I don't have to recharge after hanging out with other introverts! 🤔 But I definitely need to recharge after hanging out with extroverts! 🤯

Diana: I'm stuck here for another hour. So I'm gonna be late again, like 5? :(

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You're adorable. And I don't care at all. You just need to stay an hour later ; ) But seriously, do what you need to do and head over whenever 🌻

Damien: Omg I totally have that apple pie... will you have some if I make it?

Diana: #applepie4dinner

Damien: #thatswhyweredating

Damien: The Js had a meeting and kicked you back to a P.

Damien: I fought for you, but it's official 🌻

Diana: NO

Diana: I'm like almost there !

Damien: There's another meeting next week. Organize your notes, be on time, and we'll see what we can do.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: I brought frosting

Damien: ...you get to be whatever letter you want to be.

Author's Note: Diana finally arrived. We talked about Damien's book, shared our favorite YouTube videos, and ate apple pie. Damien gave her the DVDs from the list he made her, then we watched Arrival, our very first movie together.

Author's Note: This is an excerpt from Diana's journal, written the next morning, describing her feelings from our brief physical contact:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We stayed together until 6 AM, even though Damien had to drive thirteen hours to see friends the next day. After Diana drove away...

Damien: You are gorgeous, Diana. You're the most insightful person I have ever met. You are good, not in some abstract way, but in ways I can pinpoint and explain. Also, I like who I am when I'm with you. Don't respond. Just get home safely, sleep, and know that I'm thankful you're in my life at this particular moment. I won't take it for granted. ❤️

Chapter 6: Damien's Trip, Part 1

Jun 20, 2018

June 20, 2018

Author's Note: After our third date ended at 6 AM, Damien took a four-hour nap, then started the long drive to see his friends. Chapters 6 and 7 are snapshots of our conversations during his trip.

Damien: Hope you're sleeping! I just woke up 😂 Droppin' Maeve at Mom's then headin' south!

Author's Note: Damien remembers this day so well. If you read the end of the previous chapter, you'll know he sent her a good-morning text after our date, then this one at 10:15 AM. Driving to Arkansas, he was worried the date didn't go as good as he thought... but then, at 8:58 PM...

Diana: Hey, you're just wonderful, in so many ways. I'm happy to have met you. 💛 Hope your drive is going well. But you better watch out, weather says there's an influx of vortexes today. I also hope your entire trip is incredibly fun and lovely!!

Diana: I'm watching 500 Days of Summer right now. Very spicy so far.

Damien: You're the sweetest 🌻 Stopped for gas! ETA says 11:51 your time. The vortexes are beautiful this time of year! Pleeeease text about 500 Days : ) I can read what you send and I'll respond when I stop! It's a fun movie. Very inventive. I haven't hand a sing-a-long with an animated bluebird with you yet, but only because I fall immediately asleep every time you leave. We'll have a normal date someday and I'll go dancing in the street ; )

Diana: Hahaha alright well when you do, please film it so I can see 😁

Diana: So I just finished the movie and I love it!! I love how it could appeal to so many different audiences: the basic romcom fans, those boys embittered with love bc of bad experiences with women, feminists looking for a subversive take on romcoms, etc. It could be read in so many different ways. Is the main character sympathetic? Is he crazy? Is Summer selfish and heartless? Is she unfairly idolized by Tom to the detriment of both their happiness? It's all open to interpretation!

Damien: woohoo!!! 2 for 2! : D

Diana: Yeah you're doing gr8! 👌

Diana: And of course I like all the little quirky scenes they do. Talking about the Smith's in the elevator. The dancing in the street to Hall & Oates. The expectations vs reality. The black & white scenes they do where the characters talk about their view on love. All this creative storytelling to make it iconic without, arguably, taking itself too seriously.

Damien: if you liked those parts, we'll watch annie hall together someday! it's one of my favs and is very similar with it's quirky tone and clever asides : ) remind me in an hour when im not driving: base emotions

Diana: Don't text and drive!! This conversation can wait for when it's safer :)

Damien: : P

Damien: Made it! Still awake?

Diana: Yay!! 😁 Yep, I'm eating the rest of the frosting.

Diana: What were you gonna say about base emotions?

Damien: Hahaha that frosting was delicious!! I should have taken more. Okay... you asked me what I thought my base emotion was (I think that's what you called it?). This wasn't a concept I had ever considered before, but I've been thinking about it a lot since you mentioned it. I said mine was probably melancholy, and you said yours was probably sadness. I realized while driving that mine has absolutely changed over the years, drastically and at least three definitive times. In high school my base emotion was bitterness. During my first two relationships it was fear/depression (situational, not clinical). Then for three years it was happiness; every day I woke up grateful to be alive. Now I have a little more perspective on life; I know I can feel joy, but I also know things can be temporary... and this leads to that happy/sad feeling as my go-to emotion. ANYWAY, all that to say I think the situation you're in can absolutely change that base feeling. I don't know your thoughts or if it's true for everyone, but I don't think yours will always be sadness.

Damien: I also recognize that we didn't talk about it in detail, so I could be way off base from what you meant. And I'm not making any presumptions that you want to/should change how you feel 💛 Just a few sleepy thoughts I wanted to share.

June 21, 2018

Diana: Well thank you for sharing. I like knowing your thoughts! What you're saying makes a lot of sense, and I do think that it can change as life changes. Although I don't know if I would say that someone's dominant emotion is necessarily the one they feel the most (although usually it is), I think it is what we feel when we realize we don't have control. It is just my own barely formed theory, and I know humans aren't so simple that they can be boiled down to one mode of emotional operation and some people have a wider range of feeling than others. But from my limited perspective, the theory makes sense for my life and what I observe in those close to me. All that being said, I really appreciate this sentiment of hope (maybe not even hope, maybe just openness?) that you're talking about. Thank you :)

Damien: That's a good way to define it... and the way I sectioned off my life holds true with that definition. I think mornings are a good indication of that default emotion for me... the way I feel just before I get out of bed. I'll have to think about that more to be sure... Also, I was researching POTS when you texted. I know there's nothing I can do to fix it, but I want you to know I've got your back.

Diana: Hm mornings, that's interesting. Wow really? Not a lot of people actually look into it. Way You're Wonderful #72 haha

Author's Note: Diana says that Damien was the first person she dated who researched POTS. And all these years later, he's still looking into every new symptom.

Diana: How is Arkansas?

Damien: I like this girl who has it... figured I'd be a hero and find a miracle cure. Since that doesn't seem to exist quite yet, I learned I can stock up on powdered Gatorade, walk with her, and encourage her to buy compression socks 😂 Arkansas is boring. Just chillin' alone at T[redacted]/M[redacted] place. But they get off work at 12:30, then laaaaake : D

Damien: Any fun plans for today?

Diana: Hahaha lucky her. I didn't even know powdered Gatorade was a thing! That's super fun! How different is an Arkansas lake from [redacted]? Yes, sacrifice the souls of the innocent to the Dark One to get in his good graces ☠️ Haha just kidding, I'm already in his good graces. I'm just working for most of the day!

Damien: Arkansas lakes are pretty much the same as [redacted] lakes except way warmer... and some of them have brain-eating bacteria... and the one we go to has these little fish that really like men's nipples, which tickles. FYI, your relationship with the Dark One is the reason B[redacted] knows you as "That Satanist Girl." I'm sure I'll correct him someday 😂 Do a good job at work! I'll send pics of the lake!

Diana: Hahaha that's wild! 🐟 Brain-eating bacteria? Now that's a party. That's funny. Why correct him, it's a cooler identifer than my name 😂 I always do a good job. That's why they pay that ca$h monayy. Have a great time at the lake! Fist bump a fish for me or something.

Damien: Nipple-bump*

Diana: 😂 I think that falls under "something"

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Come swim

Diana: Wow that looks beautiful!! You have such a nice smile :) Okay let me just teleport to you. Expect me in 2.732 seconds

Damien: 🌻🌺🌼

Damien: Having a Funky Fresh night?

Diana: Yep yep. Went to a bonfire with old family friends. I found out I'm going to have an arranged marriage that's been in the works all my life so this can't go anywhere 😂 Now I'm getting a shake!! How was the beach? :)

Damien: Aww cute! Can I have the guy's address real quick? ☺️🔪 Just a lake, no beach, haha. It was fun, mostly because I'm with old friends : ) INTJ female and INTP male, so our kind of people. What kind of shake??

Diana: Hahaha you're funny. Yes, those types are awesome! It's always lovely to see old friends and get back into it so easily. Umm it's Butterfinger from Steak n Shake. Delicious

Diana: What's your favorite kind of shake?

Damien: I missed them lots! I try to go down 2-3 times per year, so it's never too long. I like allllll the shakes. Red Velvet always appeals to me even though I know it's literally just red chocolate. Butterfinger was a good choice!

Damien: Doing anything fun for the Fourth? I know it's a long shot, but if you somehow don't have plans yet we should go to the [redacted] show : )

Diana: That's awesome! Keeping your friendships consistent! 👌 Oh man you missed an opportunity. Haha that's rad I love red velvet anything. I actually don't have plans, at least none that I'm aware of. That sounds fun :)

Damien: If you get a Spicier opportunity, take it! But if nothing comes up and you want to spend the day people-watching, going to an art fair, and watching millions of dollars worth of explosions light up the sky... let's do it.

Diana: I don't know, that all sounds really Spicy™ to me. We don't usually really celebrate 4th of July in my family anyway

Damien: Well then, let's make it a date. There's nobody I'd rather spend the day with anyway. Goodnight, Diana. Hope your dreams are the sweetest and you wake up smiling 🌻

Diana: Good night, Damien. Same to you. 🌜🌟

June 22, 2018

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I thought you might enjoy this totally ENFP question and quintessentially INTJ response... maybe the most INTJ thing I've ever read 😂 Also, it reminded me that I loved your dress the other night... somehow both elegant and playful. You looked lovely 🌺

Diana: Hahaha you're right, that's so great. I love it 😂 Oh thank you very much, that's sweet to say 😘 How goes your Friday?

Damien: So far it's been fantastic. I was in a stellar mood this morning. I drove through [redacted] (where I lived for three years)... windows down, music blaring... went the wrong way and drove through winding mountain(ish) roads. Saw a couple tiny cemeteries and thought of you 🌻 Wrote a teensy bit at the Panera where I wrote the bulk of [redacted]. Got a haircut so I no longer look like an upside down mop. Hangin' with doggos today? Any amazing Friday night plans?

Diana: I'm happy you're having such a fun time!! 😁 Was it weird to go back to a place that used to be home but isn't anymore? Or is it just like, "oh hey cool this place still exists"? Sounds like a busy day for you. Oh but how will I recognize you if you don't look like an upside down mop?? 😂 No doggos today. Spent the evening so far fighting this gigantic beanbag into my apartment. Look at it!! It's so enormous and amazing and super fun!!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Not weird : ) I think I visit often enough that it's pretty normal... though the Panera is totally renovated, lol. HOW IS THAT REAL?! Your mom is cool with that?? 😂 I love it so much. I had no idea they came that size. Where did you get it? How do I get one? Can we cuddle on it?! Seriously, this is my new favorite picture of anyone ever.

Diana: RIGHT?! It was actually her idea! It takes up literally half the living room. We got it through one of my mom's clients selling their house and everything in it. I don't know, pray really hard for one to fall out of the sky? And that's what it's for! Haha this is the best day of my life. And it's red!! I'm in love with it

Damien: Hahaha I LOVE it. Seriously, I want so badly to chill on that! I'm so glad you're having a good day too!

Damien: Is today still the best day ever?

Diana: That moment has passed. How's your day on a scale of 1-10?

Damien: Still an okay day even if it's not the best? What's your number as of right now? My day was a 9... and knowing I get to spend the Fourth with you gave it a nice boost 🌻

Diana: Still alright, at least a 6 :) I'm so glad you had a 9 day! You're lovely, I hope you keep having number 9 or even 10 days.

Damien: How can I bump your night up to at least a 7?

Diana: You already did just by asking :)

Damien: I know we're still just dating and getting to know each other, but if you do ever need anything, please let me know. Or if you just need to talk or vent... I'll always pick up my phone if I see your name : ) But I'm glad I could help a tiny bit. You deserve 10 days.

Diana: I don't have needs. I'm too self-actualized. If Maslow met me he'd lose his shit

Diana: But really, you're so kind, thank you for saying that. And the same to you, especially about the 10 days.

Damien: You are rocking the top of that pyramid! And I would never doubt your strength. I know you've got things covered ; ) (But if sometime you don't... 💛)

Damien: Selling [redacted] at the farmer's market at 6am... so I think it's bedtime. I hope you sleep well. We're gonna make tomorrow a solid 8 💛

Diana: Oh man [redacted] selling is a tough business, you gotta rest up. I hope you have sweet dreams and an even sweeter day tomorrow. 🌠

Damien: (I realized last night that I've been spelling "good night" as one word for years. Time to stop embarrassing myself. #selfimprovement) Good night, Diana Jane.

June 23, 2018

Damien: So. I was walking around the farmer's market and came across the LDS tent. Normally I politely ignore people pushing religions, but this time I said, "I'm actually dating a mormon!" And now I have one of these:

Damien sent a photo.

Author's Note: The beginning of the end of Diana's beliefs...

Damien: I know this looks like I'm trying way too hard 😂 But I swear it just sorta fell on my lap

Diana: Heyyy that's super cool!! I can't believe they have a tent at the farmer's market 😂 Haha did you actually want one of those or did they just hand it to you??

Damien: I wanted one AND they just handed it to me! : )

Diana: Well that's so spicy and also convenient. How handy. :) I'm about to see the Incredibles!

Damien: Ohhhh have SO much fun! I hope you like it as much as I did!

Diana: That was amazing! I might just be coming off of the movie theatre high, but maybe even better than the first.

Damien: I'm SO glad you liked it too! I would say it's just as good, except for the villain. Buddy is just such a perfect bad guy in the first movie... and this villain didn't really compare. Otherwise I absolutely loved it. Laughed harder than I have in a long time : )

Diana: Haha yeah I agree he's so funny. She kinda looked like Tina Fey's character Megamind. I loved Edna and Jack Jack together! 😂

Damien: Omgggg so perfect. I was dying. And the raccoon! And I loved the portals too! Brad Bird is so freakin' clever.

Diana: Yes seriously! How did he think up all these weird powers! Like the acid reflux guy!! Or the crushing guy. "You want me to uncrush it??" 😂

Damien: You know Brad Bird is the voice of Edna too, right?!

Damien: Makes me love him even more.

Diana: Yeah it's so funny! No one else could do her justice

Diana: Haha I also saw Ocean's 8. I liked it! Not astounding but still hot!

Damien: Damn! You're seeing everything! I like that. Gives us more to talk about.

Diana: Yes, I've seen everything. Every movie ever made. Even the obscure ones that only show in 2 makeshift theatres in the Philippines. All of them.

Diana: Look at this diss rap written by an 8 year old. Move over Tupac

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 😂 Is that someone you know?? He should sell the lyrics to that Beyonce lady you like!

Diana: One of the kids I nanny. Hahaha you spelled her name right!!! That's real #selfimprovement 👏

Damien: That. Is. Brilliant. Tell that 8-year-old he's every kind of awesome.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Absolutely lovely. Does this mean you're having a good night?

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: I am a daisy murderer. How's your night?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha I love it!!! I'm glad 😁

Damien: Hey! Still awake? I just got home and I am exhausted... BUT all hyped on caffeine. So basically drunk without any alcohol. Please tell me at least one nice thing about your day before this high dies and I crash : )

Diana: You're cute. Today I got to talk with the loml W[redacted] for a while! Also I ate like 9.67 nutty bars too so that's super nice. What made your night a 9.5?

Damien: Talking with everybody but now time for bed. Gonna crash so hard again tonight, lol. I didn't know that's how you spelled W[redacted]! And I'm so glad you got to talk to him : ) It's so important to keep up with friends when they're far away. Nutty bars sound delicious. I ate a tiny cupcake today, so I already failed no sugar 😔 But I did a bunch of jumping jacks and push-ups and planks too, lol My day was a 9.5 because I got to hang out with the entire [redacted] family. They're the ones who basically took care of me two summers ago when things were bad. Truly, truly good people... and so much fun. There were about fifty things I wanted to tell you... but in-person would be better for a few of them... If you're not sleeping yet, tell me what you're up to at 12:22 EST : )

Diana: Yeah his full name is W[redacted]. I gave him the nickname! Only a tiny cupcake and exercise?! You're doing great! High five ✋💢 That's amazing. It makes me happy to hear about people like that. I'm glad you got to spend time with them! Well I'm excited to hear about those things when I see you next :) I'm listening to music, here's the song I'm listening to right now at 12:28 am:

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/7fBRThswHqbzvIwL65hcPx?si=O7jKsiWYTh6_5FNGuDWTjw

Diana shared a link: Signal (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Now I am listening too 🌻

Damien: 🌶🔥🌶

Diana: Yes Sylan Esso is indeed spicy hot :)

Damien: What's your favorite smell?

Diana: Oh I have no idea. Grapefruit? Something floral? Fresh bread? This question is too hard. Do you have one?

Damien: Ohhh grapefruit and bread are very good choices... I don't usually like floral. Idk... usually peach-like scents, lol... vanilla, because I'm basic af...

Diana: You are the incredible Vanilla Boy! Able to favor the most basic scent/flavor over all other more interesting ones! It's okay though, vanilla is Classic™.

Damien: 😑 That cannot be my nickname, hahaha And it's weird, I don't like vanilla shakes! And I love chocolate things... but for some reason vanilla in the last few years... idk what's wrong with me! I swear I'm not vanilla as a human 😈 Teaching Sunday School tomorrow? *he asked, eyes slowly drifting shut but not wanting the conversation to end*

Diana: Haha it's too late, I'm gonna call you that now. It's alright, you can enjoy vanilla I won't judge you (too much). Not tomorrow. We're going to church with the family friends we saw on Thursday. Have to set up arrangements for the upcoming union. How will you spend your Sunday?

Damien: Meeting your family friend ☺️🔪 Okay, I don't like that the knife emoji is in my frequently-used list. Time to kill that joke 😂 I'm having brunch with people I need to tell you about in person. [redacted] from my old job and his brand-spanking-new family. Then board games all day. Hoping for another 9 day : )

Diana: Hahaha I wish there was a non-psycho use for the knife emoji in everyday conversation bc I like it. 🔪🔪 That sounds super fun. It can't get much better than brunch & board games. The alliteration alone! Haha I'm sure you will have a 9 day :) maybe even beat today and go 9.6 if you win!

Damien: Heyyy our first date was a 9.6! I highly doubt tomorrow will be as good as that.

Diana: Oh :) Well you never know. Winning Monopoly or something is pretty satisfying haha

Damien: Not even close. Sleep well. Have amazing dreams and a lovely day with your family friends. You'll be on my mind 🌻

Diana: Sweet dreams, Vanilla Boy 🌜 😘⭐

June 24, 2018

Diana: "What?! My teeth are itchy!" -my brother

Damien: What was the context? 😂 Just a random line he yelled? hahaha

Diana: He just broke the silence and started describing to me in detail how he can feel his wisdom teeth growing in. He's an ESTP I love him.

Damien: Just got back to their house! Your brother is hilarious. There are so many things I want to talk to you about... and this is honestly new for me, lol.

Diana: Awesome, I'm excited to hear about them! What's new for you?

Damien: The fact that you care is pretty new, that you listen and don't make me feel dumb for ranting. I have a couple friends I can talk openly with, but it's not the same. I said this before... but I actually want to hear your reactions and opinion on things. That's new for me in dating/relationships : )

Diana: Cool I love being New™ and Fresh™. But I'm glad, I think what you have to say is interesting and I want you to feel cared about.

Damien: I do feel that way. It's a nice feeling 💛 Think you'll be free sometime between Thursday and the Fourth? No worries if you're busy : ) We could hang out closer to you sometime too. I hate that you have to keep driving so far!

Diana: I'm free Saturday, does that work for you?

Damien: Yep. Definitely.

Diana: Funky fresh

Damien: Have you been hangin' out on your ginormous beanbag?

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Holy shit! Is that the beanbag??? It's huge! And you are so frickin' cute.

Diana: Yeah I know it's crazy big. My whole family can fit on it comfortably. You know that one vine where Bo Burnham is like "is there anything better than pussy"? Yes, a really big beanbag.

Damien: I am seriously impressed... I had no idea those existed outside my dreams.

Diana: They don't. This one is all just an illusion to make you jealous.

Damien: The illusion is making me incredibly jealous. I want to replace my bed with a beanbag. Tell me somethin' I don't know before I crash.

Diana: You may or may not know that George Washington loved codes, was known as a great spymaster, and was part of the Culper Spy Ring during the Revolutionary War that communicated with their own made up code.

Damien: Everybody knows that. Try again ; )

Diana: Um they found Amelia Earheart's remains. Also the identity of Jack the Ripper was discovered and a book was written about it.

Damien: You're bad at this 😑

Diana: Did you know that sweet dreams are made of this? And who am I to disagree?

Damien: I knew that you traveled the world... but how many seas?

Diana: Did you know Mary Shelley lost her virginity on top of her mother's grave?

Damien: Did you know she's the subject of a new movie?

Damien: Starring Ellllle

Diana: Yes a movie I would like to see!

Damien: I'm excited about it! And since you're terrible at this game... tell me more of your thoughts on non-sexual physical contact. It's the one area where I feel awkward with you, when everything intellectual is basically perfect. Do you like to hold hands? Cuddle? Again, you could tell me you hate all of it and it wouldn't affect how much I enjoy spending time with you : ) Orrrr we can save the topic for later if it's late and you're tired! lol

Damien: I'm not sure how much of the asexuality plays into physical touch. I just never, ever want to make you uncomfortable. As lame as it is to talk this stuff to death, I'm not going to risk it your comfort. I hope that makes sense...

Diana: I don't hate it, I think it plays an important part in communication. Honestly I'm not sure how much the asexuality plays into touch, beyond knowing that I don't have the natural instinct to physically reach out to people. I would say other experiences affect my feelings more. If I feel trapped or constricted when someone is touching me, then I feel panicky. But for things I can easily escape, like holding hands, that's fine & enjoyable. You really don't have to worry or feel awkward, you have comfortable vibes and I like you as a person. And if I ever became uncomfortable I would just tell you.

Diana: Thanks for asking. Like I've said before, respect is hot!!

Damien: Thank you so fucking much for being easy to talk to. This is exactly what I needed to know, and I'll feel so much better going forward. The number one thing I needed to hear is that you'll tell me if you're uncomfortable. I will never be upset or weird if you call something off at any time for any reason. You don't have to explain yourself. I don't foresee being in a position where that would happen, but it's absolutely vital to me to know you'll say something. I'll be cognizant of never making you feel restricted. Thank you for saying that too. You're the best. Seriously.

Damien: The only thing that would ever bother me is something I can't imagine you doing... but I feel uncomfortable when someone pulls on me hard to kiss them. I don't know that it's panic... but it's like the fringe of panic (if that makes sense). It's a silly line too... but there's a difference between drawing someone gently into a kiss and jerking on them to force it. But again, I don't ever see that as a problem, lol Anywayyyyy

Diana: I love the word cognizant. Haha if all I have to do to to be the best is answer a question, the bar's pretty low. But I'll take it! It does seem weird that you're thanking me when you're the one who's being thoughtful :) That does make sense and it's not silly. It's about control vs communicating. I think we're good about communicating so far! But thank you for telling me anyway. Also I probably would not have started this conversation so I'm glad you did.

Damien: I don't think you realize how low the bar truly is, ha. I'm thanking you because this would be weird with anyone else. It's natural with you! If you ever have anything else to add, or any other questions, pleeeease say something! I would love to talk about it more. Strangely, talking about it has a similar effect to actually doing the things we're talking about.

Diana: Well I'm glad it's natural. Every day I'm surprised at how easily conversation flows with you.

Damien: I feel the same way. Maybe it's time we stop feeling surprised and just accept we're on the same intellectual wavelength. Hours and hours of conversation and I'm still brimming with more topics that'll have to wait for in-person. Sleep, hon. And when I say, "sleep," I really mean I'm tired, lol Thanks for another lovely evening. I hope tomorrow is another day in the mid 7s... or maybe even an 8 ; )

Diana: Good night, sweet dreams, and remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible. 🌜

Damien: Oh Andy... sleep well 😂💛🌻

Author's Note: Continue on to Chapter 7 for the rest of Damien's trip!

Chapter 7: Damien's Trip, Part 2

Jun 25, 2018

June 25, 2018

Author's Note: This is the second part of Damien's trip to see his friends in Arkansas. It turned out to be good practice for our future long-distance relationship!

Damien: This us your daily reminder that you are an excellent human being; brilliant, clever, cute, and totally unique among female Tinder users aged 20-35 within a 30-mile radius of [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted], Chile. May your day be an 8 or higher. If it’s not, let me know and I’ll beat it up 💛

Diana: I have multiple responses to this message. Please pick a number 1-5.

Damien: 1, 3, and 4, please.

Diana: 1) Yeah that all sounds cool, but Jennifer on Tinder is even more brilliant, clever, cute and totally unique than me but she's 36 so you missed out. 3) You are so sweet, I always struggle with how to respond. You have a great blend of humor and thoughtfulness, you make me smile :) I hope your day is 9+. 4) Wow thank you! 😁 Haha I should make that my Tinder bio, it will really help sell myself to the Chileans, they're a tough market. If my day isn't an 8 I will beat it up myself bc I am a strong, independent woman who don't need no man. But I appreciate the kindness 😘

Damien: 1. Jen sounds amazing. Do you have her number? 3. You don’t ever need to respond. It’s not a struggle to say nice things to you. (It’s hard not to say more!) And when you do respond, you make me smile : ) 4. You realize that I already know you’re a strong, independent woman, right? I wouldn’t be going on a fourth date with you if you weren’t. But I’m a strong, independant man and there have been times you texted me and made a shitty day better. I’m gonna try my best to do the same for you.

Diana: 1. Yes, but you have to call her! 719-266-2837 3/4. Well, awesome. I'm glad I have a positive impact. Kinda feels like you're beating me in the Being Nice department :) and then I have to remind myself that it's not a competition.

Author's Note: Everyone please actually call this number.

Damien: I'm afraid to ask where you got that number 😂 If it WAS a competition, you'd be winning.

Diana: Don't ask, just call. Cool. I love winning. 😁🏅

Damien: Jen is amazing 😂👍

Damien: Tryin' not to get bit by snakes 😬

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Pretty!! Maybe you should actually try and get bit by a snake. It's more punk rock 🤘

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Omg there are baby bunnies all over this trail!! They're so small!!This is the best day of my life

Damien: You really wanna date a guy who gets bit by snakes to impress you? 😂 Ohhh that is SO PRETTY. Those 💐! Have you reached at least an 8??

Diana: Hell yeah, I really do. Those moments of the day, with the sky and the bunnies and the flowers, are an 8.

Damien: That makes me SO happy. I love to hear that you're having an 8 day. Maybe we should go on a hike Saturday? Aaaaand Maeve got out at home 😑 Ran right down the middle if that main [redacted] road... stopped all the cars and semi trucks... dumb dog and poor mom. She alive tho 😂

Diana: Can you read my mind? All I ever want to do is go hiking, so if you're down then let's do that!! Omg I was so scared until I read the last sentence. Phew! She had an adventure!

Damien: Hiking it is, then. If you have good places I'll go your way! Even better, we can go someplace neither of us have been and explore. I have a hammock I still need to use too. Also, no snake bite... but my legs are torn to shreds from wearing shorts in the reeds. It would have been closer to Punk Rock if I didn't immediately rub lotion on them.

Diana: Let's go somewhere new :) I'll do some research and find some place cool. Hahaha it's still punk rock. Not Punk Rock of course. Did you have a super fun time?

Damien: I love that. Perfect. Let me know what you find or if there are options! I'm super pumped. How's your night after your hike?

Diana: Ooh these are v cool. I especially like the first one. It was a time. On one hand, I took a drive and blasted some tunes I used to listen to. 16 year old me went hard!! On the other hand, I tried to get an apple pie from McDonald's. They gave me cherry instead :( I'm ready to throw hands. Not with the workers, that would be mean, but with The System

Damien: Ohhh sounds like an awesome drive! If we have time Saturday, we'll make it our mission to find a McDonalds with actual apple pie (I use the word "actual" loosely). We'll buy ten of them and dip them in a jar of frosting until we're sick. Fuck The System. We should bring a picnic. Or would that be TOO adorable?

Diana: Yess that sounds like the spiciest thing since sliced bread. Both the rebellion and the picnic :)

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Maybe I'll bring blankets in case we want to stargaze from the back of the truck? (My instinct was to say that I'm not trying to sleep with you... but I think you're well enough aquatinted my personality to know I'd never spring that on you. My attempt at initiating sex would be prefaced months in advance with a research paper on asexuality, a twelve-page questionnaire for you to fill out, and a request for both written and verbal confirmation.) Hahaha for some reason that solo cup makes it 😂

Diana: Sounds hot!!! Nothing gets me in the mood like a 12 page questionnaire! But that research paper is worth 60% of your grade so it better be Poppin'™. I know, right! I love everything about this comic I think about it all the time.

Damien: Someone finally finds my trepidation of making the first move hot 😈

Diana: Here's a question. Remember when we were on top of the hill and I was talking about the magnetism? Do you feel that with people, the desire to be physically closer?

Damien: Random people? Not especially. People I'm emotionally connected to? Absolutely. By the middle of our second date I wanted to be physically closer to you. But yeah... if I see somebody on the street who I find attractive, I don't really ever think I want to hold their hand or anything.

Diana: Interesting!! Thanks for taking the unofficial orientation test. Welcome to demisexuality please enjoy your visit

Damien: I'm happy to be here! I feel like I have a million more questions, but it's after 2 your time... geez, time really isn't real.

Diana: No It Is Not. We can talk more about it on Saturday :)

Damien: I'm gonna hold your hand. I'm excited ; ) It's definitely past my bedtime... this trip is equal parts amazing and draining...

Diana: I actually don't have hands, I've just been a hologram this whole time. Good luck :) Haha it takes energy to have lovely experiences! Maybe it's time for the sweet release of unconsciousness.

Damien: Liar. I felt your leg : P Yeahhh... probably.....

Diana: Haha you just imagined that!

Damien: Every day since it happened!

Diana: Hahaha what an imagination. As fun as it is to talk to you (very), I really need to, as non-holograms say, sleep. Sweet dreams and Happy Tuesday!! 💛

Damien: Already halfway there. Good night, Diana.

June 26, 2018

Diana: Guess what I'm doing!

Damien: Hiking! Swimming! Babysitting dogs! Falling into a blackhole and getting stretched into oblivion! Driving to Arkansas because you just can't wait until Saturday!

A photo was sent.

Author's Note: (She was reading Damien's second book!)

Damien: Omggggg you're crazy... the beginning is BAD and boring! It was my first book after the original (Damien's fifth book), so you'll be able to see a clear learning curve as you continue. I promise it gets better!

Damien: Is pink highlighter good or bad 😬

Diana: Wow you're such a good guesser. I'm actually doing all those things at once!! Haha the beginning is always the most boring of a book. I'm only 20 pages in and it's not bad. I only have one highlighter right now so it's both.

Damien: I spent A LOT of time making sure this new book grabs people from page one and never lets go. I'm sick of telling people, "I promise it gets better." [redacted] is the worst offender though... but hopefully it's worth it once you hit chapter three. Thanks for making my afternoon ☺️ If there's anything either transcendental or egregious, tell me as you read!

Diana: Sometimes the first part being "boring" serves a purpose. When the beginning is mundane, it makes what comes later seems more interesting and special. And it can make people feel like, "oh my life is boring just like this character's, but their life gets more exciting so mine can too". Haha will do.

Damien: There are no combinations of emojis that express how I feel when you implement your powers of insight on my work. This is as close as I could get: 🦋🌺😍🤯🧠🙏❤️🐲🔥🍆🎨🚀

Diana: Hahaha I love it!! You are an emoji artist

Diana: Have you heard of Every Noise At Once?

Damien: I haven't! Do tell.

Diana: Alright I'm about to change your life!! It's best on a computer but it will still work in your phone

Diana: http://everynoise.com/engenremap.html

Diana shared a link: Every Noise at Once (everynoise.com)

Damien: Well you just entertained us for thirty minutes, so thank you. My favorites are Japanoise and Deep Dutch Hip Hop (my people!).

Diana: Haha good! This site has entertained me for years. Every few months I'll pick a new genre and just immerse myself in it. Alright chill. Japanoise is uniquely terrifying!!

Damien: And that's awesome. Any favorites I should check out??

Diana: The first one that comes to mind is dream pop.

Damien: Listening now.

Damien: M83 is on the Dream Pop list. Love it.

Diana: Wow I haven't visitid this website in awhile. They have updated it. Like all the pages at the bottom that compile all this other information relating to music? That's new. I would serioualy die for this website it's so underrated

Diana: Also good genres: garage rock and noise pop

Damien: I'm glad we like similar things. I never have to pretend to be interested in stuff you show me.

Diana: Well I've been pretending this whole time

Diana: Just kidding, I love everything you've shared with me. I'm really enjoying that you keep showing me new things to like

Damien: If we keep this up we'll find new things to like together too. That's sorta why I wanted to hike someplace neither of us have been... to explore somethin' new.

Damien: 🦎

Damien: That's an I Like You Lizard, in case you were wondering.

Diana: His name is Larry and I love him

Diana: I really was wondering though. Glad you told me 😂

Damien: The married people went to bed. Are you at a house dog-sitting? Did you decide on any activities?

Diana: Not anymore, I'm at my house. I've decided to hold a seance to talk to my great great aunt Matilda. I don't have any real questions for her I just want to know what it was like in 1908

Diana: Fun fact about me: I cannot be trusted with cheese balls

Damien: fading fast. please tell me more. i want to wake up to a cheeseball story and any other things you think of. and matilda. 🦎🌺💛

Diana: The lights go out. Stillness. Then, a spark in the middle of the room. It begins to grow, expanding and glowing. A face is revealed. Matilda. I knew she would come. Family never lets you down. I look deep into her eyes and I see nonchalant recognition. She knows me too. "Aunt Matilda! Thanks for dropping in, I have so many questions!" I say, breaking the heavy silence. She doesn't respond. Just keeps staring, not at me...at my hands. Or rather, what my hands are wrapped around. "Cheese Puffs?!?! You're eating cheese puffs?!" Her voice is hoarse and grating, like she hasn't spoken in years. 113 years to be exact. I blink in surprise, not just at the jarring sound, but also at her choice of words. If my voice was restored after 113 years of quiet in the spirit world, I know I wouldn't let the first words to part my lips be "cheese puffs" (even though it is a fun thing to say). "Um, yes? Did they have these back in 1908?" "Who gives a fuck about 1908, Diana? This is 2018 and if you wouldn't mind terribly, I would like to try a gotdamn cheese puff." The murmured correction of my name is muffled by the sound of a ghostly hand thrusting deep into the jar of cheese puffs in my lap. I watch my great great aunt stuff a handful into her mouth. The crunch seems to echo endlessly, bouncing off the walls of my bedroom. Matilda chews and as she chews, she begins to shake. I begin to shake. The room begins to shake. Everything is shaking. I look into her eyes but all that I see are cheese puffs. "THANK YOU HUMAN CHILD. YOUR OFFERING OF CHEESE PUFFS IS ALL I NEEDED TO MAKE MY FINAL TRANSFORMATION. TONIGHT I FULFILL MY DESTINY AND BECOME A TRUE SERVANT OF SATAN. A DEMON OF CHEESE PUFFS," a voice booms. It's like Matilda's, but this voice is smoother, full of power. A deep cold seeps into my bones as a orange glow oozes across the room. Then all of a sudden, in a burst of cheese dust, I'm thrust backwards into the bed, hitting my head on the wall. I feel woozy, but the voice I hear is clear. "BECAUSE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO THE GLORY OF THE CHEESE PUFF, I SHALL SPARE YOUR LIFE. BUT THE REST OF THE WORLD...THEY WILL FEEL MY CHEESY WRATH!!" My head throbs as the room continues to shake. My vision blurs. My eyelids are too heavy...not even the chaos of the puffs could stop them from closing. I sink into unconsciousness. Sleep. A bird chirps. I feel sunlight in my face. I open my eyes to see a soft pink sky. The room is still. It was all a dream!! But something is all over me... I sit up and rub my eyes. When I open them, I see. Everything is covered with cheese puffs

June 27, 2018

Damien: I'm still in bed (err, futon) and I'm struggling with what to say to that. I'm trying reeeeally hard not to be weird right now, or too serious. I know it was just a silly story... But DAMN, Diana, you can fucking write. I'm sure you've been told you're a good writer a million times... but I need you to understand that you are talented. I know this because friends send me their writing all the time. And it's never good. Never. And by "not good" I don't mean the structure is a little off or the character arcs need work... I mean it's unreadable. I used to trade reads on Wattpad to bump up my stories, and I don't think I ever read anything as clear and clean as your goddamn cheesepuff story. You don't use too many adjectives or adverbs... you don't try to write overly-complex sentences... your descriptions are clever and simple... I think the only red line I would have made would've been "all of a sudden" 😂 I'm going to find examples of shit other people send me so you know why I'm being totally weird about a cheesepuff story. Okay, I'm done. But also... the amount I like you just doubled, so unless you want me to propose on Saturday, don't send me any writing you actually tried on 🌻

Diana: Wow I can't believe you liked my story and have so much to say about it 😂 Last night I typed it up and then fell asleep immediately after pressing send so I kinda forgot about it. But you thought it was worthy of praise? Wild. Still not fully processed, but that means a great deal coming from you!! :) I'm gonna be smiling all day now!

Damien: It's not the story that I loved... the story was something you whipped up while half asleep. It's how clearly you write. That's half the battle. It takes a crazy level of self-awareness to be able to write cleanly like that. And if you've got that, you can write anything.

Author's Note: Reading this in 2026, it almost sounds like love bombing. But after Damien worked as a reader in Los Angeles and read so many stories on Wattpad—all by people who were hoping to write for a living—he was genuinely surprised by a silly cheesepuff story by someone who never claimed to be a writer!

Diana: Cool thanks I'm self-aware as hell yo

Damien: Any doggos today? Or just kiddos?

Diana: Yep. I've got [redacted] still and I just came back from a meeting for another doggo (M[redacted]). She & I will be paryting for a week in July! Wooo!! They have a pool so I'm extra excited 🌊

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: A pool??? Will you spend the night? So jealous! And awwww he's such a badass pup!

Diana: Most clients want me to stay the night! It's nice to get away but it can be really unsettling to be in someone else's home alone all night, especially when they have ghosts 👻 Random question: did you watch Scooby Doo as a kid? My family LOVED that show

Damien: That is SO cool. Insane job perks! Do you get to have visitors? 😃 Of course I watched Scooby Doo! I didn't even realize it was still on! Was it a show your parents liked?

Diana: Haha for real. Yes, but sometimes no. Depends on what people are comfortable with! Sometimes I think "hey I could totally throw a rager here and they wouldn't even know". Some adaption of it has been in TV since like literally 1970 or something. But yeah they really hahaha idk why. Nvm I know why bc it's ICONIC. What's a show your family watched a lot growing up?

Damien: You seem like the real rager type! It is iconic! But those Hanah Barbra (spelling?) shows died in the early 2000s. I love that you know old shit like that 😂 I knew you were cool when you said you liked Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal.

Diana: I totally am. Love to party. Girl gone wild, that's me. Yeah Hanna-Barbera got absorbed into Warner Bros. but some of their shows are still kickin'!

Damien: I would love to see you party 😂 That reminds me... I need to practice dancing when I get home. Tonight is the closest to a 10 I've been since our third date. I love these people.

Diana: Let's party sometime. Get lit. 😂 I'm so happy about that! Enjoy every moment, we'll talk later. I hope you have the raddest time!!

Damien: We definitely need to party. We walk around too much 😂 I'm enjoying it all : ) And texting you every so often doesn't take away from that 💛

Diana: Whatever you say but I'm a firm believer that you can't do "too much" walking around. Oh damn I was trying to get rid of you! 😘

Damien: 😂🖕

Damien: I'm away from friends now... How's your night going?

Diana: It's alright. Just shed my human skin and assumed my lizard form I MEAN changed into comfy pjs.

Damien: Mmmm your true form 😈

Diana: Umm I didn't say it was my True Form™...

Damien: So you're not a lizard either? Girrrrl you weird. What do pjs entail for you?

Damien: (The vanilla version of "What are you wearing.")

Diana: 14 men's scarves draped artfully around my body

Damien: Pics or it didn't happen.

Diana: It's a little dark!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 😂😂😂 I knew you were sitting there trying to think of something clever ; )

Diana: I thought of like 8 clever things in the span of 13 seconds but this one was the most do-able

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Vq8WWnER1NnpjuvcVyInp?si=beMfgJlDSLuIFSdTst5Qkg

Damien shared a link: Not Perfect - Live (open.spotify.com)

Diana: cool ! humorous ! nice ! funky piano

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: His comedy is brilliant... but that's one of his nice songs. 😂 You are such a nerd.

Diana: I like his name. Tim Minchin. Rolls right off the fingers onto the keyboard Thank you.

Damien: Did (Damien's first novel) bore you to death?

Diana: Yes. I'm texting you from six feet under

Diana: Why did you choose to call it [redacted] ?

Diana: The kids I nanny are really impressed that I know the guy who wrote the book I'm reading. They were also pretty Shook™ when they saw me start highlighting things. It's never too early learn to learn about annotating, kids!

Damien: All my words start out meaningless... I think [redacted] was another road in [redacted] 😂 I love the sound of it so much, though. And awesome! Teach them! Tell them that all those motifs their teachers will teach them actually were intentional and every name in every book was carefully chosen by the author and has important meaning!

Diana: Haha that's what I thought. I like it Once I said the word "annotation" they were bored, so I told them they can scribble whatever they want anywhere and nothing has any meaning ever

Damien: You nihilist, you.

Diana: That's me

Diana: Do you know the band Hellogoodbye?

Damien: It sounds super familiar, but I think that phrase is in a song and I don't actually know that band. Should I check them out?

Diana: One of the bands of my childhood. I'll send you my favorite album by them. It's not gonna blow your mind or anything but it's one of my go-tos for car music.

Diana: Here’s an album for you… Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! And More! by Hellogoodbye https://open.spotify.com/album/4xS0NB3U8IOAobyyJy09Yk?si=wF0_RF_rRr6Kic7p0xgMvQ

Diana shared a link: Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! And More! (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Ohh nice. I will listen when I'm out of the shower and in bed!

Damien: Jamming to All of Your Love!

Diana: You can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heartbeat 🎵

Damien: Two Weeks in Hawaii is a (stealing your word) bop.

Diana: That's actually my favorite one. I never get tired of it

Damien: Really? Already added to my Summer list 🌻

Diana: Lovely :)

Damien: Perfect for my 12-hour car ride tomorrow : )

Diana: Yikes. Good luck with that!! When are you leaving ?

Damien: Whenever I wake up. Probably around 9 your time at the latest. Remember last time you kept me up until 6:30 and I left at 10:30? 😂

June 28, 2018

Diana: Happy Thursday (the most boring day of the week). Hope your drive is going well!! 😊🚗🏁👍💫

Damien: 💛🦎🎶

Damien: Look what lane I'm in. I'm being good.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Impressive self control. Proud of you :) 👏

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: And no candy at the gas station I'm at ☺️ Conversation topic reminder: going all-in with relationships without expectations in an effort to minimize pain. (Related meme attached.) Anything out of the ordinary happening with you on this boring Thursday? Don't worry, I won't respond while driving 🙄🌻

Diana: Omg the bubble wrap guy!! 😂😂 Also that's a #look We have so much to talk about haha how will we get through it all! Nope. The kids all convinced me to take them back to the gas station. That was the adventure for the day haha

Damien: We talk lots. We'll get through it! But then there'll be more... so idk. Did they get awesome candy?? ETA 10:30 tonight 😑 But I'm having lots of book ideas and conversation ideas and I came up with a brilliant metaphor that exquisitely describes why we get along.

Diana: They all got blue raspberry sour punch straws. They're crazy about those things. Also in isle 3 we discovered a portal to an alternate dimension and one of the kids tripped into it so now I only have to deal with 3 instead of 4 Less than 5 hours to go!! Wooo!! Do you ever record voice notes? Haha oh really? I'm excited to hear it.

Damien: (I’m in stand-still traffic outside of [redacted], so here’s my analogy!) I like you because we’re both supercomputers. When I’m with you, you become a natural extension of my brain, but with a slightly different opperating system (mine is a T, yours is an F). I feel like I can dump all of my wildest thoughts in you for additional processing power, and your output expands my perspective exponentially. For example, I can input a song, and a day or two later I’ll get back a deeper, more beautiful understanding than if I were to process it alone. It doesn’t matter who has more facts at their disposal (me) or whose processing speed is faster (you), what matters is that we’re running on compatable hardware and we communicate fluidly. I'm friends with a couple laptops and a Game Boy or two. And you know those greeting cards with the tiny computer that plays the "Happy Birthday" song over and over? I dated a few of those. But I think you're the first other supercomputer I've met. It's cool : )

Damien: I had this epiphany after realizing I’ve been jotting down half-formed ideas to talk to you about, lol My hope is that this is mutually beneficial and I'm not just taking advantage of your awesome brain/personality. I hope, in some way, I'm giving back as much as I take!

Damien: Finally home 😩 Hope your evening has been excellent!

Diana: Yay you made it!!! 😁 Welcome back to [redacted] It's so interesting that you made this analogy (I describe myself and interactions with people in general in these kind of terms a lot)!! The part about your Gameboy friends and birthday song cards is so funny 😂 I really like and agree with what you said about T vs. F. And you are giving back! I think you are absolutely fascinating. I had a good evening! Fun fact about me: I just bought my first ever bikini 👙I've been on this earth two full decades and I've never worn one until today!! How was your drive? Did you see the sunset?

Damien: 1. To respond from before: I want blue raspberry sour straws 😩 And it sounds like you need three more portals! hahaha. No voice notes... I've tried several times but my brain gets all mixed up and self-conscious when I talk out loud 😂 2. And I'm glad it makes sense! I was a little worried I sounded crazy because it miiiigt have been fueled by amphetamines : D 3. That is a VERY fun fact! 😍🌻 4. My drive wasn't too bad actually. Got a ton of thinking done, lol. A few big ideas for the book, so that's always cool. And the sunset was glorious from the bottom of Michigan!

Diana: 1. Are you still trying to do no sugar? 2. You always sound crazy. I just don't tell you 3. It's all fun and games until you get confused about all the fucking strings 4. Sounds productive. The colors were so vibrant tonight! 5. Did you know it's supposed to exactly 302.5° on Saturday

Damien: 1. Very little sugar : ) 2. Probably a good idea! 3. Oh sooo sad! 😂 5. Oh shit... didja find anyplace fun to go? Someplace with a lake to cool off in maybe? hahaha

Diana: 1. Yikes I mean good for you!! 5. I was gonna make a joke about how hell has a lake of fire and brimstone but I've already used up suggesting hell as a fun activity so instead I will tell you I found many fun places to go but haven't narrowed it down yet

Damien: Send options!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Where about do you live again? I don't think we talked about it since the museum 😂 I assumed you were north for some reason... is [redacted] super far for you?

Diana: Umm that's classified. Level 12 clearance only

Damien: 🙄 City, you dork. That's level 4 and I'm almost 8.

Diana: I said what I meant

Damien: 😑 Fine. Drive farther : P

Diana: Hahaha I live in [redacted]. It's 40 mins to [redacted]

Damien: That's not terrible. I just don't want you to have to drive so far every time! Anything fun in the middle or closer to you? I mean... if you really don't mind the drive, that's totally cool. I just feel bad we're not sharing the distance.

Diana: I don't mind driving. That's like an hour and half of alone time I love being alone

Damien: Haha, okay. I'm gonna officially stop asking. But if you ever do want to split the difference, just tell me! I'll plan on buying/making dinner every time you drive to ease my conscience : )

Damien: Can we stray from the trails and get lost and have to make smoke signals and shit?

Diana: I never get lost because I always follow my heart

Damien: I've followed my heart so many times and nothing good has ever come of it. We'll follow yours instead.

Diana: Good plan.

Damien: Diana, my dog was so happy at my mom's house, and now she's home and hiding under my bed and won't come see me... I don't think she likes it here 😔

Diana: Oh no!! She just loves your mom so much, that's all. She wasn't ready to say goodbye :(

Damien: Maybe... I don't want her to be sad here... maybe I can buy her new treats and toys soon...

Diana: Is she like that often?

Damien: Not usually... she never really hides under the bed unless there's fireworks... but she's definitely happier when we visit...

Damien: Laying under the bed with her...

Diana: Well then she's just adjusting! You already know she's an anxious dog, maybe she's just not great with transitions. Here are some good vibes for her: 🐶💘🐕💫🐾💙

Diana: Poor Maevey :( I'm sure it means a lot to her to have you under the bed too

Damien: Literally started licking my face when you sent those. You do have superpowers 💛 Maybe something else scared her that I didn't notice. I'm buying her toys anyway... and I'll build that fence soon too.

Diana: That wasn't my super powers, that was the power of your love for her

Damien: Bring dirty clothes next time you come. You can help me build a fence 🔨

Damien: And thank you for being so damn sweet.

Diana: Okay but I have to warn you, I'm the best fence-builder this side of the Mississippi. Don't be intimidated.

Damien: I don't know which side of the Mississippi we're on.

Damien: Maevey is still under the bed... maybe she'll be cuddling me when I wake up in the morning. I'm gonna crash and burn. Make me build that fence asap, okay? And let's find a place with water for Saturday. I don't mind driving either. Also, picnic??

Diana: Hope you have some blankets and pillows down there. Be comfy Alright, okay, and yes. I can't believe it's already like 1 am?? Good night, sweet dreams, and peace to Maevey. 🌜🌟

Damien: Psh... she sleepin' alone! I'm a good dog dad, but not THAT good ; ) Sleep well, Diana Jane. (Why do I like your name so much??) 🦎

Damien: (Maevey just jumped on the bed, collapsed into me, and nuzzled. Not five seconds later she started hiccuping and now I want her back under the bed 😂 Good night, again 🌻)

Author's Note: Next up: Date #4. Will we finally touch?

Chapter 8: "Best July 1 Ever"

Jun 29, 2018

Author's Note: Diana was having a particularly cagey day before our fourth date. Thankfully it was no indication of how well our date would actually go!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 🐕

Diana: Wow looks snazzy! Maevey must be very excited. How is your Friday? :)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh yeah. I can tell by the expression on her face that she's very excited.

Damien: : P At Home Depot. She happy!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: She is a supermodel!!!!!!

Damien: Omg she just said the same thing about you! Done in HD. My Friday has been the most productive day in months. I realized I need to start making money asap since my trip drained me, so I'm repairing a table that's been in my shop forever and putting a few other pieces on craigslist... and now buildin' a fence. Maevey just helped me get the hinges and latch : ) How's your day so far?

Damien: (And no sugar today except apple juice and one incredibly stale craisin.)

Diana: Um you're a dirty rotten liar. You can't understand what she says Hey that's awesome! 👏 Good job, especially to Maevey! It's the power of Home Depot: more saving, more doing. Wow you're doing really great with this whole no sugar thing. But why did you eat just one craisin?? Haha

Diana: [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]. My squad tonight.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Actually I can! Turns out we both know a little Spanish. It took awhile to finagle our way through the translation, but I know what "Diana es muy hermosa" means 🙄 Because the craisin was gross! AND OMG please send more! Gatos y perro! Mi amours! I want to pet that doggo and take him home with me please 🐕❤️

Damien: Also, there are five names and there are only three in the pics!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Omg they're all so different. Is that one's back foot hurt?

Diana: No, she's just walking. On their way to lick my face

Damien: So so sweet.

Diana: Diana no lo compra. Who eats craisins one at a time? Weaklings

Damien: IT WAS A TEST CRASIN BECAUSE THE BAG HAS BEEN OUT HERE FOR TWELVE YEARS.

Damien: I made a thing! Almost.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Yelling gets you nowhere! Looks Spicy Hot 👌

Damien: Was not expecting to do this today. I am beat.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Can we go night swimming soon?

Diana: Impressive! Amazing! Productive! Cool! Hot! You are a fence wizard! Um night swimming is for HEATHENS so I'm in

Damien: 🌙 🏊‍♀️ 😈

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: "why are there so many songs about rainbows?"

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I met the real Kermit in LA. That ain't him.

Diana: Maybe the REAL Kermit was the friends we made along the way...

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hello beach!! 👋🏖 How's it hanging ?

Damien: B[redacted] pussied out 🙄

Diana: Out of what?

Damien: Swimming with me!

Diana: Sad. Why?? It's fun!

Damien: Too cold. But he took a pic of me pointing at a star ⭐️ 😂

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Wow how nice!! Star pointing is really in these days

Damien: If I'm doing it, it's in.

Damien: Graphic tees with an unbuttoned button-up with rolled-up sleeves. So hot right now.

Diana: That doesn't even deserve a response 😂

Damien: You just wait. Next thing you know Dave Matthews is gonna be rockin' the look.

Diana: I'm gonna be sick

Damien: Send me a picture of what I should wear when we go out. What did your other (male) dates wear when you dated sixty people?

Damien: Because I am as clueless as I look.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I could do that!

Diana: Great. Wear that tomorrow or we're done

Diana: A taco costume will also work

Damien: Ready.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: OMG PERFECT

Damien: Next time you want to give me an ultimatum, you remember the pic of me in the tiny banana suit 💛

Diana: Will do 😂 That's the only ultimatum that matters anyway

Diana: Speaking of, how about we go to [redacted]?

Damien: Yes! [redacted]is perfect : ) I'm pretty much free anytime... what works best for you?

Diana: Great :) [redacted], 2 pm. Bring a doll of someone you hate and we'll do some witchcraft. Sounds like the type of place for that

Damien: Love it. I'll bring the hammock and beach blanket and leave it in the truck just in case. 2:45 is perfect!

Diana: Alright sounds good! Woo party time !

Damien: What about a picnic? What should I bring?

Diana: The souls of the innocent

Damien: I don't know any

Diana: Craigslist

Damien: I've been there. No innocents.

Diana: Oh shit. What about mostly innocent

Damien: Maevey? 😔

Diana: NO

Damien: Whew...

Diana: I'm gonna bring some fruit

Damien: Lovely : )

Diana: Wait a second

Damien: Wut

Diana: Don't ever say wut ever again

Diana: Ever

Damien: Y

Diana: Don't say that either

Damien: Kk

Diana: STOP I HATE IT

Damien: U luv it

Diana: I feel very personally attacked

Diana: This is the worst day of my life

Damien: Srry ☺️

Damien: This is what it's like talking to 90% of girls on Tinder.

Diana: I hated that. Even more than I hate day glo orange

Damien: Oh! And 2:45 was a joke. I'm still planning on 2.

Diana: Good thing you told me or I would've showed up at 4:45 pm

Damien: 😂 You're on thin ice with the Js.

Diana: The J's can suck a dick they're not the boss of me

Damien: INFP it is.

Diana: But also I'm gonna try really hard to be on time bc I care very much about their opinion

Damien: You'll be fine. You have a longer drive too.

Diana: Driving is for losers. I'm gonna borrow Wonderwoman's invisible jet

Damien: Haven't seen it. I only watch male superheroes.

Diana: You CAN'T see it! It's INVISIBLE

Damien: Emoji of her jet

Damien: Still with animals?

Diana: All night

Damien: Ohhh nice! That's so cool.

Diana: Yeah. But also it's really weird to be in someone else's home. I'm here just visiting in someone's life? It feels like I shouldn't be here I never get used to it haha. But animals are cool

Damien: It's a glimpse into another life. Take advantage of it, Learn what you can from the experience. And live it up!

Diana: No thanks I hate learning and living

Damien: You should add "fluent in sarcasm" to your Tinder profile.

Diana: No that gives people a headstart in knowing about me. Too easy

Damien: Every girl says that 😂

Diana: Oh well then I have to do it. I want to be like every girl I love girls

Diana: IT SPINS

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Girls 🙄🙄🙄 What is it???

Diana: Don't roll your eyes I'm a girl you fucking punk It. Spins.

Damien: G I R L S 🙄

Damien: You're the last one. If this fails I'm trying boys.

Diana: You should try boys right now. Get a head start

Damien: If there was any part of me that was attracted to them, I would. But I just like girls too much... Uhggggggg

Diana: You poor thing 😒

Damien: 🦎

Diana: Hey Larry. What's crackalackin'?

Damien: He's excited.

Diana: About what?

Damien: Tomorrow

Diana: Tomorrow doesn't exist, there is only today

Diana: But I'm excited too, Larry.

Damien: 💛 Remind me to tell you about A[redacted] and B[redacted]'s boy tomorrow.

Diana: Okie dokie artichokie

Diana: I regret saying that

Damien: No regrets!

Damien: 💛 I'm so sleepy...

Diana: Have you tried sleep?

Damien: I fight it!

Diana: Oh cool I love fights. I'm always dtf (down to fight)

Damien: 😂

Damien: What's the park name again? 😬

Diana: [redacted]

Damien: Cool. Cool cool cool.

Diana: *Andre 3000 voice* ice cold !!

Damien: I fell asleep on the couch. I think that means it's bedtime... 😴

Diana: Yes, it's go to bed o'clock! Sweet dreams!! See you tomorrow :)

June 30, 2018

Diana: Check out my outfit I HATE it

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: I'm a human traffic cone

Damien: I love it. Wear it hiking.

Damien: Why are you a traffic cone? 😂

Diana: Fulfilling a childhood dream

Diana: That's [redacted]

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Did he win the race?

Diana: 3rd

Damien: I'm so bad at fooding. What should I bring??

Damien: I'm bringing the rest of those Skittles so I'm not tempted to eat them... the orange ones are already in the trash... but I'm not sure that's enough for a picnic.

Diana: Idk, sandwiches, vegetables, chips, pickled eyeballs, salted tarantula legs. Something not-messy that you want to eat and doesn't require utensils.

Damien: What kind of sandwiches do you like?? I'll get them from the sandwich shop!

Diana: I like the boring sandwiches

Damien: Give me an example of your favorite boring sandwich.

Diana: 🦃🍞

Damien: Mayo? Tomato? Lettuce? Bacon? You are so cagey with food 😑

Diana: I'm sorry! Just get the simplest one. I would eat a bread sandwich and be happy about it

Damien: Hahaha okay I'm gonna make sandwiches. Yours is going to be turkey and bread and nothing else 💛

Diana: Hahaha perfect 👌

Damien: Toasted or un-toasted?

Damien: I'm playing it safe and keeping it un-toasted. Also it's going inside an adorable duck lunch bag I stole from B[redacted].

Diana: Automatic Supersonic Hypnotic Funky Fresh

Damien: Damnit I forgot the drinks!

Damien: Got new ones.

Damien: Just pulled up. I'm in the last parking lot by the only building.

Author's Note: We met at a hiking trail. Damien brought turkey sandwiches and Gatorade for Diana's POTS. When her back was turned while climbing a tree, he snapped a picture:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: To describe the rest of the date, we found this excerpt from a list of our intimate moments Damien would write for Diana before she left for school. Weird? Not for us! And now we're really glad we have it so we can include it here <3

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: During the date:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: After Diana left:

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: 🦎🦎🦎

Diana: 💛💤💫⛪

Damien: 2.5 hours. Woohoo! Please try to sleep a bit after church 💛

Diana: Hope your Sunday is going well even though you only got less than 3 hours of sleep (I'm sorry)!! Happy first day of July.

Damien: Did you really just apologize for that? 😑 Best July 1 ever.

Chapter 9: Before the Fireworks

Jul 1, 2018

Author's Note: It's safe to say we reached the point where we couldn't get enough of each other. After our first kiss the early morning of July 1, we immediately started looking forward to The Fourth of July...

Damien: Didja get some sleep? Any big plans tonight??

Diana: Yes and yes! My big plans are to Chill Out™. How about you? :)

Damien: I worked on the table for a bit, accidentally took a nap, now laying with Maeve, watching Parks, and thinking about you. Maeve says hi :🐕

Diana: Nice! Haha a nap is good 💤 Which episode are you on? Tell Maevey she is a superstar!! 🌟

Damien: Naps are from the devil! Just started the last weird season. Do you like it? I don't hate it, but I think it's awkward and too sentimental. And the Ron/Leslie fight feels out of place too.

Diana: Yeah, it just feels clunky. It does not make sense that Leslie and Ron would have such a falling out but I love when they get stuck in the office together & make up.

Damien: I do like the make-up scene! Wicked storm coming your way. I'm on the porch watching it.

Diana: Awesome! 🌩 I love it! It's funny, Google told me that at the same time you did 😂 Is Maevey afraid of storms?

Damien: It's gone from here now. She's not too scared. Not like with fireworks! Damn, I keep dozing, lol. Hanging out on the beanbag?

Diana: Oh good. Is there a pretty sunset? You know it. Our power is out! The candles you gave me are coming in handy :)

Damien: Not yet : / Ohhh from the storm? Is it that bad?? And woohoo! Do you like the smells? 😬 I like them both, but especially the red.

Diana: It's definitely inconvenient haha I was planning to take a trip back to the past and I need electricity to power my time machine Yes, I like them! 🕯

Damien: If you could revisit one day, what would it be?

Diana: One day of my life or any day?

Damien: One day of your life : )

Damien: (Also, sorta pretty!)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: STUNNING!!! STRAIGHT UP GOLD!!

Diana: Okay hm. I would choose the day I got baptized. I was 8. I wore a very princess-y white dress that totally got ripped when I started fighting some punks! But my whole family and a lot of friends were there, the only time that ever happened. What would you choose?

Damien: That sounds absolutely wonderful. Do you have any pictures from that day? Hmm... I'll think about it...

Diana: Only in my memory.

Damien: I think I'm about to crash hard. I wanted to tell you that last night was nice, but particularly the way you kissed me. It probably sounds silly, but you were so sweet and so gentle, and that's sorta what I need right now. I appreciate it more than you know. Thanks for being patient with me. I'm excited to spend the Fourth with you 🎇 Goodnight, Diana ❤️

Diana: You make me feel things that are new to me. I'm looking forward to seeing you again. Sweet dreams, Damien 🌠🌛

July 2, 2018

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 1. I just found my JackJack pin from Disney World about 8 years ago. 2. If you figure out how to explain what you mean, I'd love to know. And you make me feel ways I didn't know I could anymore 🌻 3. Good morning : )

Damien: 4. And finally got that deposit for a table and bench, so I'm not poor anymore!

Diana: 1. Omg that's amazing and adorable. Also hi Maevey! 2. Maybe I'll explain when I see you :) 3. Haha it's very funny that the greeting is the third thing. And good afternoon to you! 4. Awesome!! Cash rules everything around me. [Damien] get the money, dollar dollar bills y'all 💸

Damien: 2. Remind (for searching later!) 4. Yessss, AND I think I just found a friend who wants this old table for bonus money. I'm gonna buy you allllll the turkey sandwiches. I'm working on the gate right now. I need to use basic engineering skills, of which I have zero. Wish me luck. If it opens, closes, and latches, I'll send you a pic.

Diana: Wow yay!!! About your good fortune and turkey sandwiches! :) Hahaha who needs skills when you have will power. Plus I believe in you!! Good luck. 💫

Damien: Describe your day so far using 2 nouns, 2 verbs, 1 adjective, and nothing else. It doesn't have to be a sentence.

Diana: Driving siblings, writing encouraging emails. And you?

Damien: Building shit. Thinking happy thoughts.

Diana: Tell me a happy thought!

Damien: But they're all about you and they're jumbled and mixed together and give off a general feeling of euphoria. If I find a way to pinpoint a specific thought, I'll let you know.

Diana: Oh :) Euphoria is a fun word. Cool and spicy. The whole message is cool and spicy.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahaha I'm sending that second one to B[redacted] from you, lol

Diana: Good! That's why I sent it!

Damien: Progress!

Diana: What's progress?

Damien: Oh damnit, I didn't attach the pics, lol. I'm a dumbass.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha a cute dumbass :) They look beautiful!

Damien: Aww, I'm cute! : D This song keeps growing on me. It's a slightly unconventional take on love. Same album as that Hallucinogenics song I overplayed. https://open.spotify.com/track/261j28Hxs9xzmUcrYvnY92?si=D3PmgDexSK6T6IWjlQbmmA

Damien shared a link: Unconditional (open.spotify.com)

Diana: I like it. Especially the chorus. When he says love, my soul elevates with the note. Not sure why but it reminds me of this song: https://open.spotify.com/track/3zr2s3o2Ye1j6t0ZMdoUYi?si=XWmTOSAKSByW4RQEPlNMJw

Diana shared a link: Song For Zula (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Why didn't you show me this song earlier?? 😂 But really... I love this. And there are a lot of similarities, most obviously that they both refer to love as a "thing" I think.

Diana: I haven't listened to it in awhile! Yes, a burning thing and a broken thing.

Damien: Check it out!!!!!!!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: And the gate opens and closes and clinks : )

Diana: Wow you made that!! You worked it into existence!! Awesome! Impressive! Cool! 👏 And Maevey looks happy and safe!

Damien: How's your night? Up to any mischief?

Diana: Hell yeah, I'm always up to mischief (the truth is I've been Loki in disguise this whole time). How is your night? Hey you never told me what day of your life you would revisit!

Damien: Then you're Loki's BEST disguise. My night was insanely productive. I definitely sold the shitty table, so I got a coat of poly on it after I sent you that pic. And I played with Maevey for a bit in the yard... and omgggg she kept running along her same path even though she was finally free! Damn! I still need to think of one... hold on, I'll get a good one...

Diana: Wow you have been really productive lately. Haha Maevey just has to get used to it! Haha it'll come to you!

Damien: Okay. It's kinda sad... sorry in advance! I was in the Arkansas (ex #[redacted]) stage of life. My dad was in remission, but we knew remissions never last for more than a few months with lung cancer. I was on vacation in Florida with my parents, my sister, and her giant family (no ex around, which is why this day is safe to revisit). My dad always made it a point to take my nephew [redacted] out to get away from his six sisters, and I went with them. He took us on a boat tour of the everglades to see alligators, then we went to the horse races at night. He was still bald from the chemo, but I know he was so happy to spend the day with his son and grandson. Also, it was a much-needed break for me, but he didn't realize it at the time (or ever). Typing it out, I'm not actually sure I'd want to revisit that day, lol... but I shouldn't overthink it either.

Diana: I think that's a good pick, it sounds like a fun and meaningful time :) I mean, just the alligators alone 🐊👌 Haha six sisters is a lot, it's good your dad made sure to save him sometimes.

Damien: What time are you thinking for Wednesday? Pretty sure I can be free whenever!

Diana: Okay Whenever o'clock it is!

Damien: I know that's when you'll arrive, but when should I plan for? ; )

Damien: I don't think I can make that joke after you were punctual last time... I take it back.

Diana: Thank you! I put effort into that! But really I don't know...time isn't real. Early afternoon? 6:47 pm? 57.4 minutes before the sun fully sets? It's all meaningless to me I'll have to let you know

Damien: I say 57.4 minutes before early afternoon : D And I don't actually need to know now... just tryin' to figure out my build/writing schedule for the week. Also, you're welcome to stay over Wednesday, or anytime! (Doesn't mean sex if you do, lol.)

Damien: I just want you to feel comfortable. Whatever is easiest and happiest for you 💛

Diana: Haha I'll take that into consideration. Yeah I know that! I haven't received any research papers or questionnaires haha Thank you, I appreciate that :)

Damien: I totally forgot I said that 😂

Diana: Well I didn't because I thought it was very funny haha

Damien: Maybe not literally... but I definitely want to keep taking things slow, and maybe have some sort of non-mood-killing conversation at some point, lol For now, I'm incredibly content for the first time in a long time 🌻 You're Cool and Spicy all rolled into one.

Diana: My (other) middle name is Taking-things-slow-and-maybe-have-some-sort-of-non-mood-killing-conversation-at-some-point-lol 😂 Well I'm very glad for that :) And you're describing mint.

Damien: Well then we're still on the same page 🌻 Time to drift to sleep to the voice of Ron Swanson with my dog curling against my chest. I hope you fall asleep to all the happiest thoughts, Diana ❤️

Diana: What a great way to fall asleep :) Good night, Damien and good night, Maevey. Sweetest dreams to you. 🌟

July 3, 2018

Damien: A gentle reminder that you are a goddess in the making; that your ability to talk to animals and change stoplights and cure sadness with emoji's are just the tip of your total powers; that every book you read, every human you dissect, every vortex you harness bring you one step closer to your true form, the Ultimate Diana Jane, Crusher of Men, Eater of Candy, Devourer of Pop Culture, and One with the Bees. Nowhere in time has the phrase "you be you" had higher stakes or more potential for beauty, and I am honored to witness even this tiny portion of your journey. Time to poly and write. May the red in your day outshine the orange 💛

Diana: Once again I'm stunned at how truly sweet and funny and interesting you are. I'm grateful to have met you, because every day you make me think deeply and smile wider. Whether it be the furniture you build, the friendships you have cultivated, your writing, the way you talk to your dog, the music that you sing along to, or just the thoughts that go through your mind, you put a lot of good into the world and that makes you wonderful. I hope you have a lovely day today and all the other days! Happy Tuesday :)

Damien: 🦋 overload. Even when I don't see you, you manage to make my days better.

Diana: Good! That's what I like to hear! :)

Damien: Whatcha up to tonight?

Diana: I'm skipping a party to eat Club crackers and chocolate chips. If you eat them together it tastes like those Milano cookies.

Damien: There is no way a Club cracker and chocolate chips tastes anything like a delicious Milano 😂 Why no party?

Diana: I'm not in Party Mode. I'm in Being Vertical Sucks Mode.

Damien: Fireworks.

Damien sent a video.

Damien: Sorry you're not feelin' vertical tonight. No worries if you need to cancel tomorrow... or just come, lay flat, and relax 🌻

Diana: Awww it's okay Maevey has cured me by being adorable

Diana: Thank you :)

Damien: Glad she could help ; )

Diana: Why does Dwayne The Rock Johnson dress the same in every movie he's in

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha Dwayne The Rock Johnson is a puzzle and a treasure

Damien: And totally lovable and a terrible actor, hahaha

Damien: Whatcha watchin' with Dwane?

Diana: Hahaha no Dwayne The Rock Johnson has no flaws. And nothing, an ad came up for a movie he's in haha

Damien: I was going to send you this when you left the other night but I fell asleep. This was after five minutes of scrubbing with water and a bit of alcohol 😑

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha now that looks Hot™

Damien: I want to visit Chicago for a day or two. I can't remember if you said you've spent much time there or not...

Diana: Oh cool! Chicaaahgo. Haha nope I've never been

Damien: Really?? We did talk about this. I miss it lots. I want to take you to the Museum of Science and Industry. I think you'd really like it. And the Art Institute.

Damien: The Museum has a tornado inside. And real-life human brains and nervous systems. And baby chicks. And a mirror maze. And a Tesla coil you can hear through the whole museum.

Diana: Yes, we did. I bet it misses you too!! That all sounds so fun and super spicy! Museums are so cool. Tornadoes AND baby chicks? That's just wild

Damien: Yep! But they get really mad when you try to combine them.

Diana: Oh damn. There goes all my plans. :(

Damien: No expectations for tomorrow. Come any time. We can head to [redacted] when we're both feeling up for it, otherwise we can avoid the crowd and relax on the couch, bed, porch, kayaks, truck... whatever. I'll just be glad to see you.

July 4, 2018

Diana: You're sweet. I can be there at 2 pm.

Diana: https://youtu.be/Zf9iahytm7g

Diana shared a link: Lady Gaga - Venus (Vaporwave Version) (youtu.be)

Diana: You like Lady Gaga, yes?

Damien: Perfect 🎇 I may refer to myself as a Little Monster from time to time, yes. Listening now and love it!

Damien: Bring your most Boppin' summer songs today, please.

Diana: Oh you are a real nerd then, haha noted :) Will do ☀🎵

Damien: If you include Katy Perry's Firework song, you'll be sent home.

Diana: I'm honestly offended at the implication that I would ever do that

Damien: My apologies. It was worth the risk of offense to make sure we're on the same page with this 💛

Diana: Hahaha I understand.

Damien: Is there anything special I should get at Meijer? I'll probably get pears because the one you gave me was delicious. Do you like s'mores?

Diana: Pears are a good idea. And yes, who doesn't like smores??

Damien: Bitchin'. Pears and s'mores for dinner!

Diana: Perfect!! A healthy & balanced meal!

Diana: I'm only 19 minutes late!

Damien: Woohoo!

Damien: So proud 🌻

Author's Note: Another excerpt from Damien's letter to Diana, written approximately a month and a half later, about their date on the Fourth of July:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: Diana wrote a two-part poem when she got home early that morning:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Diana: Home. Sleep well and be safe today.

Damien: I'm glad you're safe and I hope you can sleep soon... if you're not asleep already.

Chapter 10: Digging Deeper

Jul 5, 2018

Author's Note: Chapters 10 and 11 build from the end of date #5 to date #6, starting with Damien on a weekend trip with his roommate, "B."

July 5, 2018

Damien: I leave in 45 minutes and I have no clue what's going on. Wish me luck. (There are not enough happy emojis for how I feel today ❤️)

Damien: I don't know how or why, but I found myself on a dune ride this afternoon. Also, this is my new all-time-favorite video of B[redacted].

Damien sent a video.

Diana: Oh that's so cute! :) The funny face and the laugh and the Friendship™. It looks like an adventure, glad you guys are having fun!!

Damien: It's making me excited to explore Chicago with you... especially since you haven't been there before 🌻

Diana: I'm excited too :) You gotta show me all the cool places young Damien couldn't hang out at for lack of cool points haha

Damien: I would LOVE to show you around State Street where I went to school. We'll be cheap and take the L : ) Would you be comfortable staying overnight if you can find two days off (and if I sell another table, haha)? We could go to Navy Pier in the evening : ) A day trip is totally fine too!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: The Museum : )

Diana: Wooow it looks so funky fresh!!! Cool, I'd love for you to show me. Yes, I could be comfortable with that. Sounds like such an Adventure™ :)

Damien: We'll figure out dates soon 💛 I started with $40. Spent $14 on dinner. Gambled the rest down to $4, then won $36, bringing me back up to $40. That means free dinner! It pays to be a heathen 😂

Damien: Just to clarify, I've only been to casinos to play slots three times in my life, including tonight. Each time was for someone else and I started with a fixed amount of money. I promise I'm not a degenerate gambler!

Diana: Hahaha thanks for clarifying. But woo!!! You won!! You're a master gambler now. How does it feel? Has winning $36 changed you?

Damien: Since I ended with the same amount I started with, I feel relieved that I didn't waste money ☺️ Like a good Dutch boy who's cheap and skeptical of casinos. Tell me about your day: best part, worst part, overall rating.

Diana: Hahah good job! 👍 Worst part: in a turn of events, I was involved in a terrible train accident and died. Best part: turns out I've got eight lives left. Overall rating: 6.3

Damien: Does this mean I'm allergic to you?

Diana: Hahaha you're funny. Only when I'm in my feline form, duh.

Damien: Now the question is what the hell were you doing on a train in your feline form 🤔 What can I do from [redacted] to bump you from 6.3 to a solid 7?

Diana: Very Secret Spy Mission Stuff!! Haha you're so sweet. It is a solid 7. What's your number today?

Damien: Including this morning? Easy 10. Easy. Since I woke up? Bouncing between a 6 and 7.

Damien: I just watched the Elastic Heart video again. I think it's absolutely stunning. One of my favorites from what you showed me. Thank you.

Damien: I get chills when she comes back in the cage and flips over his back. Then the way they connect when he makes the faces... it's fucking Shia but it's beautiful.

Diana: Hm, I'm glad we stumbled upon it. It's so interesting to me how appreciative you are of every expression of talent and creativity :) I like hearing your thoughts about anything.

Damien: You are so sweet. I'm glad you like my thoughts. And I like yours 🌻

Damien: almost asleep. 'night sweetheart

Diana: Good night, sleep tight. 🌜😊 ⭐

July 6, 2018

Damien: I think we're heading to the beach for a bit, then home. I hope you have a great day!

Diana: I hope you guys had/are having fun at the beach!! 🏖 And have a safe drive home :)

Damien: B[redacted] likes you : ) It’s kinda nice because he’s hated the last few people I dated and is obnoxiously vocal about it.

Diana: Oh cool phew. I like not being hated. And I like him too, he's fun!

Damien: Home soon! Here's a real bop for you, one of my favorites: https://open.spotify.com/track/2dCFn29fFkYZSnnit8WeNE?si=gu3P1z_PTC-TPwtxiJjLgg

Damien shared a link: Noam Chomsky Is A Soft Revolution (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Trying and failing to get children to stay in bed. Once I do, I'll be able to listen to the song you sent :)

Diana: Hey. Earlier today you told me to remind you to ask a question.

Damien: Ah, right! I was reading more about INFJs, and one woman said she loves that her SO is decisive and makes date decisions. Would you be similarly relieved if I took charge more often?

Diana: Oh you're so thoughtful. I admire decisiveness but I don't expect you to do so much :)

Damien: Haha, I don't mind either way, I just want to make sure you're happy. How 'bout I still ask what you want to do, but I'll take charge immediately when I know you really don't want to decide? We solved the food awkwardness... physical contact awkwardness is getting better... now I just need to work on the making decisions awkwardness : D

Diana: It's not awkward unless we let it be awkward. That's a quote. I forgot from where, but someone said it.

Diana: But if it is awkward, I will make more decisions. What else can I do to make things operate at maximum efficiency?

Damien: Awkward is the wrong word... and I'm definitely thinking too much about it. The forum I was reading may have also reminded me that this has been a weak point for me in past relationships... and I want to get better at it. You don't need to do anything else. You're wonderful.

Diana: Better at making decisions? Well that's what I think about you.

Damien: "Taking charge" with decisions, specifically, lol... I'll keep working on it 💛

Diana: I'm listening to the song now.

Damien: It's definitely best in the car when you're happy... "Bangor Town" or "Burden" by the same band is better for night 🌻

Diana: Maybe I'm in the car now you don't know

Damien: You rarely text in the car.

Diana: Okay you know

Damien: I know 4%

Diana: I like the song. Looked up Foy Vance. He looks like the Depression Guy from that video we watched

Damien: Exactly like him. I think I sent you "She Burns" in those original 15 songs... that's my favorite of his music.

Diana: Yes you did. It's in your file

Damien: Thanks for checking it out 🌺

Diana: What's the last song you listened to that you did not like?

Damien: Not a joke: a mashup of Katy Perry's most famous songs and it happened today in the car. You?

Diana: Haha yikes. Some of her songs are bangerz though. I Kissed A Girl is one of my faves haha 👌 Iggy Azalea's new song. But I'm still watching the music video anyway

Diana: It's Not Good But(t) I Can't Look Away

Damien: Ha... some songs turn out to be better after I listen a few times.

Diana: Like?

Damien: Noah Gunderson's album "Carry the Ghost" was super boring the first few times... but I liked his other music so I kept listening... now I love it.

Diana: Interesting. Maybe I will listen to it. What's something (doesn't have to be music) that you really like but can't relate to at all?

Damien: It's insanely slow... but it's powerful. Hmm... tell me your thoughts while I think of a response...

Damien: People groups came to mind first... women... gay people... but I think it's a little cynical to think I can't relate to them at all... we're all human and have different variations of the same feelings. Damn, my brain always jumps to heavy shit instead of fun answers, lol... give me a second, I can do better...

Diana: Hahah you're a big nerd

Damien: I know... I'm trying to figure that out too

Diana: It's okay I like that about you

Damien: I'm so glad... 'cause I'm not gonna figure it out...

Diana: ...hahaha...

Damien: Mocking my overuse of the ellipses?

Damien: : P

Diana: I would never mock you. Ever.

Damien: Unless you write it on my skin with your finger.

Diana: That's the best way to do it!

Damien: Come cuddle.

Diana: Okay but only to trace more mockery

Damien: I'd do the same, but your arms are too short.

Diana: How tired are you?

Damien: Not super tired. Why?

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Haha when I sent you that, the song True Colors by The Weeknd came on

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: But what does it mean?

Damien: Sounds like our predictions were spot on with gold and green?

Damien: Also, I just realized I said 4 for every green.

Diana: Haha yeah you did. You're SO green.

Damien: Is that good or bad?

Damien: What are your numbers?

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: i will look closer and respond first thing tomorrow. i love getting to know you 💛 so much.

Diana: You're sweet. Sleep, and dream of beautiful things! Good night 🌜🌟

July 7, 2018

Damien: I read through orange and gold and the traits are truly not appealing to me. They're not UNappealing, but they're just not things I've ever needed in life. I love that you're split between green and blue. I also like that I'm not super blue, but I'm still drawn to blue qualities... some of them I wish I had (like adaptability, the ability to unify, appreciation for symbolism, etc)... and I respect all of them. I love your 4s on "devoted, warm, poetic," and "curious, conceptual, knowledgeable." You are a beautiful amalgam of all my favorite traits. The blue makes me think of you as a muse... someone to look to for inspiration. But the green gives you a solid foundation that makes me see you as your own person with more depth than a muse could ever achieve. You both inspire beauty and create it. That's cool. I hope you have a totally bitchin' funky fresh day, Diana Jane. I'll be in the shop all day. Distract me please.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Fun fact: green is statistically the rarest of the four, with gold and orange being most common. You have the strongest possible preference for one color, but you're pretty balanced besides that. That's interesting to me. Here's your pie chart haha Also, when you compare True Colors to MBTI, you get a pretty clear divide as you can see from the second picture.

Damien: I love my pie chart so very much. The NT/NF similarities to green/blue is fascinating and makes total sense. Interesting that I came up a hair more orange than gold considering my J. Does our combined strength of rationality and idealism mean that, if we try, we can actually implement our ideals in the world? Or maybe only that our ideals are based in rationality... It's super interesting to consider the dynamics between types, colors, us as individuals, and us together. If you have any other insight, pleeeease share.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Table.

Diana: Haha yes that's exactly what it means. With structure the judging function brings to the idealism, partnered with the logic and realism of a rational, it's been said before that these two types have the capacity to bring about great change. What do you want to do with this potential? What should we implement first? Your table looks awesome! S/he needs a name though.

Damien: I just wrote a novel 😑 You keep opening up new parts of my brain so I write down what I find. Don't worry about responding to every point! I want to help people to see beauty in the world and each other. I want the world to prioritize beauty and human connections over money, tribes, and the social status quo. I want the world to see itself as a singular whole made up of unique individuals... and nothing in between. I want people to find the connection I’m finding with you, whether it’s friends, family, or lovers; another human to refine their beliefs and discuss the big questions without fear of ridicule or malice. Most of all I want to encourage people to break free from whatever forces are holding them back from life’s greatest experiences. (Uhg, can you imagine me on ‘shrooms?) What about you? What ideals would you want to implement, how would you do it, and how could I help in a tangible way for the time I have with you? Maybe my rants are an indication of how starved I've been for intellectual stimulation. I swear I'm not always like this!

Diana: First, it should be noted how often you feel as if you must justify yourself. For example, you needed to prove your sincerity about your comments on my story, you had to tell me you're not a degenerate gambler, you had to justify liking vanilla things, and you just had reassure me you're not always ranting. Haha what's that about? You don't have to do that! Just feel free to express whatever part of yourself you feel like in the moment. I really enjoy you, and especially your rants. I like hearing all your thoughts, silly or serious :)

Diana: Second, you do sound very blue/F haha. I can't imagine you on shrooms. Maybe you should just do them so we don't have to! Haha but I want all those things too. Beauty, connection, and personal growth for all.

Damien: I feel like I’ll scare you away if I let myself go. It stems from how I perceive myself as an outsider (as a romantic interest, in this case) and what I feel is expected of me. I’ve been in really crappy relationships, and I probably learned to either censor the things I say or immediately justify anything that could be perceived in a way I didn’t intend. If I failed to censor or explain myself—even with mundane, absolutely silly things—I was punished. This is new to me... having the freedom to talk deeply with someone whose company I enjoy about virtually anything I want without censoring myself, dumbing things down, or keeping it short, and I’m terrified of fucking it up by coming across as too weird or too serious too soon.

Diana: That makes sense. There's a lot to you and people like that don't exist in this world without learning how to hide it. And of course you wouldn't get out of toxic relationships unscathed. I wondered if you did it consciously or not. I hope that you feel that way less and become more comfortable! Tell me what you would say if you weren't censoring yourself now. Hypothetically of course haha

Damien: About your last three messages?

Diana: Um no?? About your thoughts on whether or not the moon landing was fake.

Diana: Okay sorry for teasing you when we're being serious

Damien: Ha! Don't ever apologize for that : P

Damien: Uncensored and hypothetical: I’ve never heard anything like what you said in those texts. Never. I have butterflies behind my ribs and a burning sensation behind my eyes. This has become the norm in the last month and I don’t know what to do with it. I know this sort of dynamic is routine for you, but it’s mind-blowing for me (and most people you come in contact with, I presume). I love that—in one month—you’ve instilled confidence in me, helped refine my beliefs and helped me redefine the qualities I want in a partner. Ending without justification ❤️

Damien: Also, the moon landing was totally staged. I should know, I've been to the real thing.

Diana: Well, good. I'm fascinated with you and I want to make your life better in any way possible. Here's something that's very new to me: I feel as if I exist in every conversation we have. I know that sounds weird and it'd probably be easier to really explain irl, but so often I feel like I'm not really a person, especially when I'm with other people. But with you, I feel real.

Diana: Do you have any pictures from your time on the moon?

Damien: I wasn’t just being flirty when I brought up the stakes of “you being you.” I’ve never seen so much potential for awesomness in another human, and if I can play any part in letting you be yourself, that will make me endlessly happy. Truth is paramount ; ) I like the real you, and I want you to feel as present as possible when we’re together.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: I can't though. If I felt like a real person, I would be Too Powerful 😂 Everything must be in balance haha. But really, I appreciate that, thank you. WOW a real life picture for thw moon. I wonder how much $$ this is worth.

Diana: haha *of the

Damien: You joke about being Too Powerful, but I honestly believe you have that potential 💛 Millions. I'm trusting you to keep it a secret.

Diana: Well you shouldn't I've got student loans haha

Damien: Well shit, I'll sell it and give you the money!

Diana: Oh perfect! How thoughtful!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I don't wanna stain anymore. When do I get to see you again?

Diana: Haha it looks so fun and clean though!! Right now. Can't you hear me knocking on the door?

Damien: Is it weird if I'm hopeful enough to check?

Diana: I think I'm open Tuesday- Thursday this week. But only if the clouds are stratus or cumulus. If they're cirrus I'm bound to serve the sea witch all day

Damien: Assuming my control over weather patterns hasn't wavered, let's plan on Wednesday (or Wed-Thur if we hang out late or you stay over)! Do you think you'll have two days off the following week for a Chicago trip? Sometime between the 15th and 22nd? We don't need to plan anything now... just gonna start looking at possible dates : )

Diana: Oh you have control over the weather? Can you make it rain? Wednesday it is. Maybe...I will let you know later this week.

Damien: I can, but it takes a lot of energy so I only do it when the stakes are high. I say dog beach in the afternoon, watercolor painting in the evening, movie in bed at night, then—if there aren't bugs—a midnight swim. Let me know if you have any better ideas!

Diana: Spicy. Can you give me an example of when the stakes would be sufficiently high? Sounds like a fun plan to me :)

Damien: If famine is imminent or we're being attacked by sea and we need to drown our enemies. Clouds are easy though. The witch won't need you Wednesday.

Diana: Oh wow phew, you're my hero.

Damien: 💪☺️👍

Diana: If you could powers of one of the four elements, which one would you choose?

Damien: Fire, only because it's totally badass. You?

Diana: It is badass have the power to roast your enemies alive or perfectly toast a marshmallow. Hm, idk if I would pick earth or water. On one handing, sprouting flowers randomly. On the other, dousing people and ruining their hair if they piss me off.

Damien: Yesss 😈🔥🔥 I think sprouting flowers is super sweet... but I think water fits you better. What are you up to this lovely Saturday evening?

Diana: I hope you read that in a Valley Girl voice haha. I'm eating some ice cream and doing my weekly planning, hbu

Diana: yeah I am literally SO PISCES lololol

Damien: Oo what's on your weekly plan?

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahaha that's an amazing entry!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You're cute

Diana: Thanks, you're pretty alright yourself.

Diana: I'm headed to bed. Have fun!! Good night and sweet dreams! ⭐ Also, I wrote you something in code for later. Here you go :)

Diana: U Buceo Zil Xugcyh: Sio uly u boay hypx. C fcey nbun uvion sio nbioab. C fcey uff iz sio.

Damien: Good night, hon. And dammmmn... I haven't had to decode something since grade school! I'll do my best. Sleep well ❤️

July 8, 2018

Damien: You spelled hylx wrong ; ) 💛💛💛

Diana: Did I? Haha damn it that's the most important one.

Damien: Pretty sure girls who write haikus in code are the nerds.

Diana: I guess it's possible.

Damien: C fcey uff iz sio nii.

Diana: Cool and Spicy™ :)

Damien: Church today?

Diana: Yep! It's sharing time.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: How's your Sunday morning?

Damien: Omg this makes me so happy. I want to see you teach soooo badly! My Sunday is good so far. Woke up, cracked a code, showered... now headed to the shop again. And stopped an army of killer pandas, but you probably guessed that. Quit texting in church!

Diana: Well you can whenever you want! Productive. Yeah the killer pandas thing isn't even worth mentioning. That's just what you have to do on Sundays haha Don't tell me what to do! They're just singing primary songs right now

Damien: I can see you teach? How?? Are there specifically-Mormon primary songs? 'Cause if they're Christian songs I bet I could sing along ☺️ (If I don't catch on fire the second I step inside.)

Diana: You can come to church with me. It would be so entertaining to see if you caught on fire.

Damien: I would love to go to church with you sometime. I'm probably not gonna convert anytime soon, haha, but I would love to check it out.

Diana: Today we were talking about what makes you happy, and one girl raised her hand and told me she's "a really really good hair-puller and arm-puncher"

Damien: Did you hire her as a bodyguard on the spot? Could come in handy! What did you say makes you happy?

Diana: Hell yeah. That 5 year old could protect me from any danger. And I said summoning demons to do my bidding :)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahah perfect Sunday meme

Damien: ; )

Diana: What are your 3 favorite emojis?

Damien: Right now? 😂❤️💛

Damien: Or do you mean my actual personal favorites?

Damien: Those are most used, lol

Diana: Both haha. What are your actual favorites?

Damien: 🌺🦎😈 Those are my favorites, I think. Yours? Frequently used and favorites.

Diana: Interesting, interesting. Most used: 😂💖👍 Favorites: 🌟🍉🔥

Damien: I've never seen a sparkly heart! And the watermelon is super cute. Do they look different on our phones?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Haha yours look cooler, everyone knows Android emojis are lamer. Why are those your favorite?

Damien: Whaaaaa those are SO much worse! Especially Larry the I Like You Lizard! And I don't like that the devil face is red... purple makes him seem less evil and more seductive. I think the flower is pretty... the lizard is just super cute... and the devil has so many uses 😈

Diana: Yes, except I like the red devil way better, he has more personality. Purple is lame

Damien: Yeah, but the purple devil is way more accurate. You of all people should know this.

Diana: What's the last song you listened to? Rate it 1-10

Damien: Midnight City: 10/10 Boring, I know. Send me the most melancholy song you know outside of M83.

Diana: It's not the most, but it has it in the title! https://open.spotify.com/track/0q6LuUqGLUiCPP1cbdwFs3?si=1MNLi50SQWe-RtDusGGJXQ

Diana shared a link: On Melancholy Hill (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Haha I will listen in a few. You're the best! What have you been listening to?

Diana: The screams of my enemies as I cut them down in battle

Damien: You should hear dying pandas 🐼

Diana: Haha I don't think so, I'm imagining the sound and it might haunt my dreams

Damien: 🔥🐼🔥

Damien: 🤖💛🌻

Diana: You're using your fire powers on them?? That's cold, they don't stand a chance

Damien: You could have saved them with your water power but it's too late 😔

Diana: I'm Switzerland this is your battle

Damien: I want to go there sooooo badly. Let's do a workaway there sometime... teach little Swiss kids English or farm sheep or whatever they do there.

Diana: Omg I didn't even know a workaway was a thing but I googled it. That's so cool and yes that's exactly what they do there

Damien: It's definitely a thing! Just need plane tickets. I've wanted to do one in Switzerland for a few years now.

Diana: I'm sure you'd be very useful with your carpentry skills and fire powers

Damien: What countries do you want to visit?

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Which first?!

Diana: Haha probably Greece, see Athena's old stomping grounds

Author's Note: Four years later, we went <3

Damien: Ahh yes, we talked about that. You also like Greek myths. I want to go to Greece and take a boat to Istanbul.

Diana: Hell yeah. And I remember you saying that, bc then the song played in my head just like it did this time

Damien: 😂 Our first two dates are such a blur to me. I'm going to repeat stories and forget things you told me. BUT I remember after you tell me a second time.

Diana: Haha don't worry I don't expect you to remember things like that. The only reason I remember is bc of the song

Diana: Look at this very pretty kitty. So model

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Awww kitty sittin'??

Diana: Nah, kiddie sitting. The cat is just a bonus. What are you up to?

Damien: Aww fun! I'm having a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon and bawling.

Damien: I just want Ally and Noah to be together 😫

Diana: Hahaha aw sounds like a very F™ time

Diana: Enjoy having emotions!!

Damien: How do you feel about jigsaw puzzles?

Diana: Positive probably

Damien: Good to know!

Diana: Haha why do you ask?

Damien: Just tryin' to learn what you like.

Diana: I like nothing but Satan. Haha do you like jigsaw puzzles?

Damien: Sometimes! I get bored after awhile, but I do like the tiny dopamine rushes when pieces go together. I'd probably like them better with good conversation

Diana: Cool, filed away for later 👍 Puzzles alone are meh, puzzles with people are fun

Damien: Still with the kiddos? Any of them fall into vortexes?

Damien: Also, favorite Disney song?

Diana: No, I'm home now. Turns out the cat was actually the God of Mayhem in disguise, sacrificed both kids in exchange for ca$h monayyy. Idk if it's my favorite, but the first one that comes to mind is I Am Moana. What about you?

Damien: Yessss, cash is always better than the souls of children. And there are way too many... I had Beauty and the Beast stuck in my head for some reason... I really like that one, lol. And the one where Ariel wants to be on land. I'll belt that one.

Diana: Oh those are good ones too. Haha I want to hear you belt it out! It's called Part of Your World

Damien: Great, now it's in my head.

Diana: 🎵I want to be...where the people are...I want to see...want to see 'em dancing 🎵

Damien: Runnin' around with those—what's that word again?—FEEEEEET!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: o

Damien: m

Damien: g

Damien: no

Damien: 😂

Diana: Hahaha you look great as the Little Mermaid

Damien: You find me more attractive when I'm a cartoon woman or have eyeliner... 🤔

Diana: Attractive is not the right word. Visually entertaining.

Damien: OH! Just clicked the song you sent and I know On Melancholy Hill : ) And 😂🖕

Diana: Cool. It's a jam 😘😘

Damien: Have you ever shoplifted?

Diana: Nope. Have you?

Damien: Nope. Look at us all goodie goodie.

Diana: Haha lawful good & neutrao good ftw

Diana: *neutral

Damien: I'm so close to chaotic good. That sounds so much cooler.

Damien: What are some examples of chaotic good characters?

Damien: Han Solo, Batman, and Robin Hood?? I am DEFINITELY chaotic good!

Damien: And Tyrian. All the greatest humans.

Diana: Hahaha don't get cocky

Damien: .........was that a Star Wars reference?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Yes, I know that line from Star Wars, no, I wasn't intentionally referencing it

Damien: Ah, so close to being awesome.

Damien: We should watch Eternal Sunshine Wednesday night.

Diana: Okay, then we will :)

Damien: It's bed time for me, but you can always text if you're awake and thinking about interesting things. Sweet dreams, Diana. I'm gonna fall asleep wishin' you were here.

Diana: I don't need sweet dreams, you say enough sweet things. Sleep well, dream lovely dreams! 🌙🌠

Chapter 11: The Prettiest Selfie Ever

Jul 9, 2018

July 9, 2018

Author's Note: Although our texts haven't yet mentioned it, we had a running joke about a "point system" where we could both earn points for being weird in public or answering invasive questions. (And despite Damien's opening joke, there were never any actual prizes 😂)

Damien: Morning revelation: I have never seen a selfie of you. I respect this tremendously. Seriously. But I also want to remember what you look like. 20 points if you send me a single selfie sometime today. (And we both know what 20 points gets you 😈)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Time to write for the second time in two weeks : D Hope your day is excellent in every way!

Diana: Wow that looks beautiful!! Very snazzy👌I hope you have a gr8 time writing :) You have seen selfies of me. But I will send you another because I love points. Please send the crisp high five in the mail

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: This is the first time I've literally laughed out loud at someone's attractiveness. Seriously, I'm sitting at my computer eating pizza, I opened the pic, and the absurdity that someone as drop-dead-stunning as you is dating me washed over me all at once and I momentarily lost it. Life is crazy. I dunno how I got here, but I'm gonna roll with it. 40 points. Two of my crispest will be in the mail as soon as I find a stamp.

Diana: Hahah oh you're sappy!! Is it Little Caesar's $5 pizza? I'm very excited to receive those high fives. I have an extensive collection ✋💢

Damien: You make me sappy. (Yes, I decided to double down.) Psh... I just got paid! It's the $8 deep dish 😍

Diana: :) Omg deep dish? You're living a life of luxury!

Diana: How's the sunset over there? Mine sucks

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: It's probably pretty over those trees.

Diana: It IS pretty!! I love her (the sky)

Diana: Look I'm in a pool! And it's heated! And the sunset looks cooler reflected in it!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Whaaaaa how are you in a pool??? I would kill to swim right now!

Diana: Hahaha perfect!! :) Dogsitting! It's so warm and fuuun. This is the best day of my life!!! Also you can just walk 1 minute and swim whenever you want and you don't even have to murder anyone

Damien: Ohhh that's this week?? That's so amazing! It looks absolutely beautiful. And yay for best days! Give those creatures all the love you've got and enjoy your free pool!

Diana: No not this week. This is just for the night, and I am enjoying it. The pup is asleep is on the deck 🐕💤

Damien: Ah, gotcha. Send a pic of the pupper sometime too!

Diana: Here she is!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: She's very old but still cute. What is something that happened today that made you happy?

Damien: I was genuinely engaged by an important scene I wrote a couple weeks ago. I was nervous it sucked, but I'm felling better about it now : ) Highlight of your day? The pool?

Diana: That is happy. I'm glad that you feel good things about what you're doing :) That's a gr8 moment. When you texted me, it was also a gr8 moment. The sun's out of my view, but the clouds are still pink. The bright blue of one half of the sky makes the pool look silver. On the other half, the stars are out. The air is cool, the water is warm, and I'm listening to dream pop. When the ringtone went off with your text, it fit perfectly with the notes of the song.

Damien: It really is those little moments... when the windshield wipers match the beat of the music... when a single cloud blocks the sun just right to see the rays. Noticing those moments is a key to a fulfilling life, I think.

Diana: Mm yes! I agree with you. Gotta choose to find joy in the small things you are given.

Diana: Sometimes the patterns and the big picture get in the way of that

Damien: Yep. It needs to be intentional. I've been better at that over the last few years. Sometimes I feel hypersensitive to those things and almost feel obnoxiously sentimental... but I think it can be a good thing too. Maybe we should watch American Beauty Wednesday... that's sort of the theme.

Diana: Good for you! Obnoxiously sentimental is a good way to put it haha. It seems absurd that a small moment would inspire intense emotion but it can. Maybe we should. We've got a lot of options now

Damien: I felt that way kissing you last week. If I seemed stupidly intense, that's why. I'm not always like that! I can relax too... I think some moments are just worthy of more attention. Yeah... I think American Beauty would be a good choice! 🌹

Diana: Oh Damien, that wasn't the moment, that was the poison in my chapstick 💋 Whatever you say sounds good to me :)

Damien: I don't care what it was. Just keep wearing the same chapstick!

Diana: Hahaha again, whatever you say.

Damien: Psh. What are your plans for the evening? Kegger? Turning the house into a brothel for the night? Solo dance party?

Diana: All of those, but in the opposite order.

Diana: And then after all that, the real party begins. I'm gonna finish a homework assignment and then watch Parks and Rec. You?

Damien: Psychology homework? Or learning about the Mad Prophet™? I was catching up on Handmaid's Tale with B[redacted]... now possibly hot tub, but that'll just make me sleepy.

Diana: He's mad sick when he spits those prophetic bars, yo. Haha but it's for psychology. Ooh sounds spicy. What's wrong with being sleepy?

Damien: If I'm asleep, how am I supposed to be obnoxiously grateful for all the tiny moments that make life worth living? Huh, Diana? Psh...

Diana: DREAMS DAMIEN

Damien: I don't have those anymore! My relaxed lifestyle and lack of alarm makes me less conducive to dream-like states of mind and remembering dreams upon awaking!

Diana: Maybe you're just not trying hard enough

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Man are my thoughts conflicting right now

Damien: Good 🌻

Diana: Okay I won't tease you about the outdated meme formatting and instead view it as endearing bc it was very sweet

Diana: Oops I did both

Damien: I will always search for ways to make you accept my compliments. Whether they're totally genuine, over-the-top cheesy, or use outdated meme formatting, I'm gonna find ways to make you smile. Finish your psych homework. Text again when the Ron show is on!

Diana: You do make smile. Frequently. Tell me if I tease you too much, I can be sincere if necessary haha That homework is so finished. I totally owned it. It's Leslie Knope o'clock

Damien: Your teasing game is spot on. I grew up in a family with your exact brand of humor, so we're good. And you are incredibly sincere when you need to be. If you were all teasing or all sincerity, we wouldn't have made it past Date Number Two. (Teasing around friends is a slightly different baggage-type issue... but not an interesting topic for tonight, ha.) What's your favorite meal that requires actual preparation?

Damien: Better yet: are there any meals you think you might like but haven't made before?

Diana: Umm...I don't know. To be honest I don't even eat a lot of meals, just a lot of snacks. Idk there's lots of things. What would you say?

Damien: I would say the exact same thing, haha Just thought it would be fun to try new food and cook together sometime. Turns out we both suck at fooding.

Diana: Love that Snack Lyfe. Haha it was a good thought. We'll keep it on the list of Possible Fun Activities.

Damien: Added!

Diana: Perfect. Tell me, what are your go to snacks?

Damien: Other than sugar? (Since you already have that list...) Little Caesar's is my downfall because it's so damn cheap... Cliff bars, as you know. Ritz and Club crackers. Bonus if they already have cheese or peanut butter on them. Trail mix with the almonds picked out. Dry cereal. Cracklin' Oat Bran if I'm rich... Frosted Mini Wheats when I'm poor. I actually like fruit and some veggies like carrots and celery... but it goes bad so fast so I rarely buy them. Knowing you like fruit has actually been good for me. Thank you for reminding me I love pears. You?

July 10, 2018

Diana: Haha I totally fell asleep but nice! And I love almonds, I'll eat them for you. Dry cereal? And not even the sugary kind? Huh alright cool cool cool. Haha you're welcome! You eat just straight up celery? That's like lettuce but worse. I respect it I guess. My go-to snacks: most any fruit, rat poison, pretzels, Greek yogurt, human brains, cashews, cheese, and pretty much anything sweet I can find. Lastly, good morning!

Damien: Celery with peanut butter, hahaha Greek yogurt and cashews 👍👍 All the good kinds of protein! And good morning to you too!

Diana: Do you ever get phrases stuck in your head like they were a song? Like snippets of conversations or lines from a song/movie/show?

Damien: Hmm... I definitely do, but I can't think of an example offhand. What's in your head?

Diana: The sunshine thing reminded me of "good morning starshine, the earth says hello" which is better than what was there previously ("if she thicci like Nicki I put that pussy on my plate")

Damien: What is "good morning starshine" from? Hahahaha you are so frickin' weird.

Diana: Willy Wonka Yeah haha I know. It makes me interesting though

Damien: Interesting is what my mom told me to say when I don't like something. We'll go with "unique." It makes me laugh when you say bad words. And makes me like you more. I'm heading to the Ant Man movie. I didn't see the first one... but I'm sure I'll piece it together.

Diana: Haha that's what I think about "unique". I'm glad I can make you laugh Have fun!! I hear it's Not Good. Tell if the Wasp is portrayed well

Damien: Bleh. Oh well. This is why MoviePass is amazing : D

Damien: OH. I was reading more about POTS and I had some questions. <Remind me> tomorrow!

Diana: I've never heard of that before but a quick Google search revealed that it is funky fresh. That's cool! Alrighty haha will do 👍

Damien: It wasn't terrible! I like Paul Rudd, so it was fun. How's your evening? Is your sunset as cool as mine?

Diana: Oh good! Yes, Paul Rudd is neat-o. Oh your sunset was cool? Do you have pictures? I didn't see it. The guy who did Caleb Gallo released a new video and it's a whole movie. I'm gonna send it to you, you don't have to watch it, but that's what I'm gonna do tonight

Diana: https://youtu.be/vHRRL2t9LKk

Diana shared a link: Grandmother's Gold - FULL MOVIE (youtu.be)

Damien: Have you started it yet?

Diana: I'm 3 minutes in

Damien: Cool. I'm getting cleaned up quick then I'll start it too.

Diana: :)👍

Damien: 1. I love him so very much. 2. B[redacted] is super excited. 3. Driving up to Mulholland was my very favorite thing in LA.

Diana: 1. He is a Treasure 2. Me too, B[redacted]!! 3. Heyy nice! Now you can feel personally connected to Grandmother's Gold

Damien: Why do they keep playing "Take My Breath Away"? 😂😂😂

Damien: Didja finish? Fall asleep? There were lots of funny moments, but nothing reached the heights of his best shorts. Music choice was on point though hahaha Come over anytime tomorrow! 💛

Diana: I only made it six minutes in and then T[redacted] (our new ENFP roommate) started talking at me about how to cut different meat and now it's 2 hours later and I just got him to go to bed haha. So it was good? How many stars 1-10?

Damien: Those damn ENFPs... gotta watch your back! The first half was good, then it got repetitive and not very funny. I polyed a table and bench somewhere in the middle haha. And no Freckle. 5.5/10

Diana: Haha they're dangerous. But the banter! Hm well that's disappointing but not entirely unexpected. Skits and episodes are more his speed

Damien: Definitely better when they have limited time. 🦎

Diana: Hello Laurence (his real name), how's life? Is it fun being a lizard? :) I can be there around 5 tomorrow

Damien: Cool : ) Wanna try for the dog beach?

Diana: Yeah 👍 Is that [redacted] or something else?

Damien: Yep! [redacted]. Should be quite a few pups. I think the water should be pretty warm... hope so.

Diana: Sounds gnarly, man :)

Damien: Maevey is super pumped.

Diana: Woo yeah, me too, Maevey!! Should I meet you there?

Damien: Whatever's easiest for you... and whatever lets me see you sooner.

Diana: Well it's quicker to meet you at your house but it's even quicker to meet at the gates of the underworld

Damien: Then Underworld it is.

Diana: Perfect!! 👌

Damien: I have a question for you if you're not too sleepy! Otherwise it can wait : )

Diana: Ask away

Damien: Do you think it’s safe to start speaking in near-future terms? For example, could I say, “I’d love for you to meet T[redacted] and M[redacted] in August!” without making things weird? I started thinking about it when reading about POTS. I want to learn everything I can about it, and I want to be able to reassure you that I care... but I realize that’s sort of awkward and overstepping if we’re living one date at a time. It’s late and we can talk about it more tomorrow. Just wanted to put it out there! 🌻

Diana: Turns out I am way sleepier than I thought, it was a struggle just to read that haha. But yes, we will talk about it tomorrow. I'm excited to see you! Good night!! 🌛🌠😘

Damien: Gonna leave me hangin'?? Ha sounds good. I'm excited too 💛 Sleep well, Diana!

July 11, 2018

Damien: Maevey's picking out a toy that both squeaks and floats. She is having a VERY good day.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh fun!!! Yay for Maevey! I want her to have the best day every day

Damien: She keeps asking about "that cute, sarcastic girl who never pees." I told her your name is Diana and you'll be here at 5:30.

Diana: That time frame is accurate but the narrative itself is flawed

Damien: Oh perfect! I just remembered I need to poly that table! 😬 I'm excited. I already have my suit on.

Diana: Small emergency. Time delay not sure how much. Sorry!!

Damien: No apologies. Take your time and focus on the emergency. I'll be here when you're done 💛

Diana: Okay I will be there soon unless there are any more vortexes

Damien: Woohoo! Drive safe and bop hard!

Author's Note: Of all our dates so far, this is the one we remember the least. Our "watched movie list" says we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. As for the rest of the date, we only have Diana's short journal entry:

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: Let me know when you make it home... even though I'll be asleep, and if you die in a car crash there would be nothing I could do. But seriously, no worm holes while driving ❤️

Diana: Home safe. Sleep well. 🌟💤

Chapter 12: Sleepy Memes

Jul 12, 2018

July 12, 2018

Author's Note: Our sixth date ended at 9am, even though Diana had to babysit at noon! Even through our exhaustion we managed to stay connected...

Damien: I am quite literally delirious. Slept on and off until 12. My eyes are still seeing double 😂 I hope nannying is going well and the kiddos are being sweet. Please get some real rest when you're home. fyi, I like you more every time I see you.

Diana: Uh oh spaghetti-o. Who needs drugs when you have sleep deprivation! 😎 Haha stay hydrated! Things are going well. Took them to the park, we're playing round 7 of hide and go seek (I'm totally winning 👌) And I feel the same :)

Diana: https://youtu.be/1suebohSF1w

Diana shared a link: DON'T EAT THAT BAD MARIJUANAS (youtu.be)

Damien: Your hide-and-seek skills are why I'm dating you. Kick their butts! I have the worst headache of my life. I drank water and took one of those blue pills for menstrual cramps that apparently cures everything. If I had to play games with children right now I'd probably die. I wondered what the hell kind of video you were making me watch, then heard him say "Seth Rogan" and "President Obama" and realized I was watching pure gold. Then I watched it two more times. Mom needs help measuring shelves. I look and feel like I was hit over the head with a 2x4... but she said there would be food.

Diana: Haha oh I thought it was for believing that pie is dinner? Oh nooo I'm so sorry!! :( This is my fault I will fix it by sending you some good energy 🌠🍃💫!! Good thing you're not playing games with children right now haha. Idk what blue pill you're talking about. Naproxen? Yes. I would never send you anything less than gold. Wow good luck!!! Food fixes everything!!

Damien: I have an Diana hangover; miserable but worth it. Midol. Is that Naproxen? Thank you for the emoji magic 🌻

Diana: Haha oh no!!!! Ah yes it is 👍 For you, any time. Except Mondays and Winter Solstice. Those are strictly no emoji magic kind of days

Damien: ❤️🍭💐

Diana: The six year old has a rubber duck and he keeps running up to me to squirt me with water & then squeals in delight and speeds away. There's nothing I can do except accept my fate

Damien: that is the cutest thing ever so excited to see you teach

Diana: I hope your headache has subsided and that the shelf-measuring was a breeze !!

Damien: I finally ate something and the headache went away! I was half-asleep when I got your last text, haha, sorry. Just got back from Mom's and still pretty sleepy. Why did I bounced back easily the last five times, but last night wrecked me? What did I do differently?? Have you slept at all since my shoulder?

Diana: Haha you went all day until just now without eating? And I figured, haha you don't have to apologize for that It was the latest (earliest?) we've been up. Or it could be the poison setting in. Nahh. No sleep!! *Schmidt voice* I can do this ALL DAY, son.

Damien: Yeahhh... that wasn't smart... You know it has literally been later all six dates? This ends Saturday! Gurrrrrl you are crazy. Please please please go to bed early tonight. And you know me too well. (FYI I read all your texts in Schmidt's voice.)

Diana: No, it was not. We need to make better decisions Cool that's what I said to myself about yesterday Imma go to bed when imma go to bed (it was going to be early but now that you told me to do it I can't do it) Hahaha nooo

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Don't come cuddle and watch Freaks and Geeks.

Diana: Oh No What A Dilemma

Diana: Do you want to see something that made me laugh more than it should? Good because I'm going to show you

Damien: Duh

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 😂 And his eyes

Diana: I love this dog. I would lay down my life for him

Damien: More memes pls

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Beautiful Japanese cover of "Take Me Home, Country Roads" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4FUjD_N8YU

Damien shared a link: カントリー・ロード（Cover） (youtube.com)

Damien: I actually like this way more than I remembered.

Diana: Whisper of the Heart

Diana: That's the anime it's from I've seen it

Damien: Haha of course you have!

Diana: My family loves Studio Ghibli! Man that video was so soothing and uplifting I Love™ it

Damien: 🌺

Diana: Thanks for sharing!

Damien: I share everything I like with you

Diana: I like that :)

Diana: I'm gonna send you more memes

Damien: I like how we are both genuinely interested in what the other likes. Send away!

Diana: Yeah it's pretty Cool and Spicy™

Diana: This is a picture of me every time I have to make a decision

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: We're gonna work on that. Slowly but surely.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahaha I bet you could take Him ; )

Diana: Thanks for your support

Damien: 💪

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: #andilldoitagain

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahaha is "spoonie" referencing energy spoons? Wait, Energy Spoons sound awesome...

Diana: Haha yeah that's what some people with chronic illnesses call themselves New band name

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Omg Amanda what's-her-face looks like you right there.

Diana: I get that comparison often. I'm cool with that bc I'm in love with her

Diana: You totally look like Gretchen Wieners

Damien: I've never thought that until this pic. Please. I'm a total Janis.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Too close to home, Diana. Too close to home.

Damien: See the left eye of that bird in the back? That's me.

Diana: Oh shit you're right

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Have you ever dissociated?

Damien: Omg! That's exactly what you look like! I don't think so... what does it feel like?

Diana: I know. It's when your mind and your body disconnect. Like you just don't feel tied to reality in any way. Some people experience it as floating, or existing in a haze, or they can see themselves from an outside pov

Damien: Nope... I don't think I've ever felt that way. How often does that happen?

Diana: Cool! Often. It's better now, it's just small moments. It used to be pretty constant

Damien: Whoa. Did you have any moments that stood out?

Diana: Ask me about it in person if you're really curious, it's easier to explain that way

Damien: Very curious. <Remind>

Damien: Have you seen I Love You Man from a million years ago? It basically has the whole cast of Parks in it.

Diana: No I have not, why?

A photo was sent.

Author's Note: And Damien finally fell asleep!

Chapter 13: Four Moments of Physical Touch

Jul 13, 2018

July 13, 2018

Author's Note: Our messages leading up to date #7 were mostly mundane, but the date itself was quite possibly the most important in our entire relationship. Luckily, we have a few artifacts from that special weekend, shared after the chat.

Damien: Good morning, sunshine. Damn I crashed hard...

Damien: Also, Glass Animals drummer got hit by a truck : ( Alive, but seriously messed up. Listening to Agnes in his honor. Hope you're resting 💛

Diana: Good afternoon!! :) I know I saw! Joe!! :( It's crazy! Listening Agnes is a good idea, I'm going to do that too. How is your Friday going?

Damien: It's a 7.9 Friday. I feel a thousand times better so I've been writing all afternoon. And a woman messaged me regarding a bedroom set for her 16-year-old daughter. Woohoo for mad stacks! Or whatever the kids say. Did missing a night of sleep even faze you?

Diana: Wow that's exciting, both things!!! Gold star for you, so productive ⭐ Mad stacks is close! Are you quoting Breaking Bad? Listen to a rap song and you'll know what's cool to say. You're making bank (YG). You're a paper chaser (Rihanna). You're raking it up (Yo Gotti). You're making moves (Big Sean). You got bricks (Jay Z). Hahaha I could go on Nothing fazes me.

Damien: Mad stacks, yo! It is Breaking Bad, isn't it? I guess I am stuck in 2010 😑 I'll go with Jay Z: If these orders go through, I'll have enough bricks for allllll the museums. The Unfazeable Diana Jane is gonna be the title of my next book.

Diana: That's okay. Haha I'm sure it's hard to stay on top of reality when you're creating your own timeline in your story Haha good choice! Woooo! Ooh now that's a spicy title. Really rolls off the tongue

Damien: I do fine until the last fifty pages, then all timelines merge and I lose my mind. Speaking in near-future terms, maybe you'll get to see that! Btw, I'm officially trademarking "Speaking In Near-Future Terms" as a subtle yet necessary step between the dating stage and calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. Gen Z is gonna eat it up.

Diana: Haha oh that sounds really fun. Party Time 🎉 Cool cool. Except they won't eat it up unless you make it cool slang or an acronym. Like ghosting or DTR. This could be SINT or make it a verb and say to do so is sinting then pay Chrissy Teigen in chicken wings to tweet it and boom new trend

Damien: "Are you worried the girl you're dating is a freckle but afraid she'll ghost if things get real? Introducing the newest phase in the dreaded DTR. It's called SINTing, and Ryan Higa says it's bomb."

Diana: There's so much to laugh at here 😂 and wtf do you mean a freckle ?

Diana: I can't believe Ryan Higa is still kicking on YouTube

Damien: Freckles come out in summer and disappear in winter. Try to keep up, hon.

Diana: Hahaha oh I see. I don't have to try and keep up. I'm twenty, whatever I do is cool.

Diana: Your impact: this came up on my Release Radar playlist. https://open.spotify.com/track/2iKG2PB3kaUc99NLOz6kWH?si=nRWYhk6ETSqMIIjqOdcF3A

Diana shared a link: Hallucinogenics - Stripped (open.spotify.com)

Damien: What is a Release Radar playlist and how do I get one? This version is less of a bop but still nice!

Diana: Haha there she is! Yurts are still THE place to go to discuss things

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Ohhh bitchin'! I'm gonna check out mine. Maybe U2 or Red Hot Chili Peppers or Bare Naked Ladies will be on there.

Damien: Omg there's a new Third Eye Blind song. I wasn't far off 😂

Diana: Hahaha wow. Anything good?

Damien: Hmm... I'm sorta digging this new song by Capital Cities.

Diana: Venus & River?

Damien: Yep! You have it too?

Diana: No I'm just psychic. I'm glad to hear new music from them it's been 5 years

Damien: My favorite by them: https://open.spotify.com/track/2wMCXQNJ3gkgFSY9jbQy9i?si=WN8Si2iUTQuH-_lRzF3B_Q

Damien shared a link: Farrah Fawcett Hair (open.spotify.com)

Diana: André 3000? Awesome! It's good shit!!! I've never heard this before but I love it, thanks for sharing!

Damien: I love when I find songs you like!

Diana: Me too!

Damien: My night sorta got weird all at once... send happy memes/songs when you can 💛

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/0rme1L4jwSBO0FYUoKT1Nm?si=dLPh1aK8T2Sc6CYX3Le55w

Diana shared a link: It's All Good (open.spotify.com)

Diana: https://youtu.be/AYbP-fkiJ0o

Diana shared a link: Peking Duk - Say My Name (Official Video) ft. Benjamin Joseph (youtu.be)

Diana: https://youtu.be/thSOFtoL6hM

Diana shared a link: Twenty One Pilots - Cover Songs Medley - ALT 98.7 (youtu.be)

Diana: Here's a couple things that aren't memes but they're beautiful/happy

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 💛💛💛

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Okay I will stop for now. I hope these bring you some joy in the weirdness!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You are a wonderful human. Listening to the song now 💛

Damien: B[redacted]'s boy-man-guy-thing messaged him last minute to confirm a date tonight. B[redacted] went into hyper-anxiety mode and I was doing my best to calm him down and help him clean and get drinks... Then I randomly got a text from the ENTJ girl who really liked me saying she wanted to make things work and was on her way over... so I tried to talk her down and convince her not to come and it just broke me for a minute because of how sad she was. She just kept crying on the phone 😔 I know how she's feeling and I hate it so fucking much that people ever have to feel that way. We were only dating for a month... I never said anything too sweet or led her on in any way... I just never felt "it." But I still feel bad... I just got to Mom's to help hang the shelves we measured yesterday and to get away from B[redacted]'s date... Bleh. Thank you for letting me rant. And thank you for sending me happy things. You're the best.

Damien: Sorry if that's TMI! Normally I'd vent to B[redacted] but he has his own stuff to worry about.

Diana: No need for sorry. You can vent to me whenever about whatever! We're dating but we're also friends now. Wow, well that's a lot of emotional labour that you had to do today. That just sucks and I'm sorry that you guys were feeling that way today. The girl might be torn up now, but that won't be forever. If she's willing to put that effort & sincerity into someone she dated for a month and who doesn't reciprocate, imagine what will happen when things do click! So don't feel too bad for too long. And it was good of you to help B[redacted] and to talk her down. The Universe Will Bless You For Your Good Energy 😂 But really I'm sure they appreciate that, and it's great that B[redacted] is going through with the date. That's a win, right?

Damien: Thanks for being so amazingly kind. I'll respond fully when shelves are done 🌺

Damien: Back home. Hiding in bedroom with Maevey so B[redacted] and R[redacted] can... do whatever it is super-awkward boys do with each other. Did you take a class on how to say the right thing in every situation? Or is that just what INFJs do? What you said about her sincerity and effort is something I definitely didn't consider, and actually made me feel significantly better. So truly... thank you. Yes, I am SO proud of B[redacted]. I think he's gonna finish the 30 beers I just bought him to get through it, but I just said hi and they both seem fine. It's a tremendous milestone.

Damien: I suddenly have a thousand MBTI questions. I'm gonna write them out, then decide if they're worth texting or if I should wait until tomorrow.

Diana: They're gonna crack the nuclear launch codes and sell them to the highest bidder. Better watch out. Actually I took a class called How To Say the Wrong Thing in Every Situation and I totally flunked out. Haha I'm really glad I could be helpful though. Yay for B[redacted]!!! 👏 He needs a celebratory cake or something. Oh I'm so curious. I would talk about MBTI forever probably haha

Damien: Okay, I'll ask questions and you can give me your thoughts or save them. In the meantime, here's a slow yet beautiful song perfect for night-listening. (You may already know it.)

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/track/4RCJhOe7FgR25W1npdn3YG?si=sUV0Uq0EThep56i5Wv4VIQ

Damien shared a link: Spirit Cold (open.spotify.com)

Diana: I've heard it before, but I don't know how/where. It's lovely!! I really like the blend of the their two voices.

Damien: 1. Can outside forces change a trait? I’ve always thought about the abuse my mom went through as a child and wondered if that played a part in her N. And I have definitely become way more of an F since therapy when the councilor guy told me not to supress my sadness or anger. 2. Is it arrogant to think I’ve developed the ability to switch easily between my F and T? I feel like I’ve worked at it... and I’ve had to become accutely aware of both extremes every moment while writing... while structuring with 100% T and empathizing with characters at 100% F minute by minute, 4-14 hours per day for the last eight years. With you, I feel. A lot. I let myself because you make it easy and acceptable, and you give so much back. But I can switch over to thinking without hesitation. And I can feel a tangible difference. I know who I am in each mode. That isn’t to say something can’t override it... I’m not that strong... but under normal circumstances I feel like I can be whatever I want. 3. Umm... I guess there were only two questions. Seemed like more in my head : D

Damien: 4. Glad you like it. They have another song that's way sexy. I'll play it tomorrow 🌻

Diana: I'm cleaning and I found this. Idk who drew it or why but it really takes my breath away

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I've always said every pig needs a waffle hat. I'm glad to know someone else shares my sentiment. Beautiful, beautiful work.

Damien: Did you get it that time?

Diana: 1. It's debatable. But I think yes, in certain circumstances. When a brain is developing or damaged, traits and personality can definitely be changed/shaped by outside forces.

Diana: 2. No, it's not arrogant haha (it would be arrogant to say that you are both an INTJ and an INFJ). You have worked at it! That's good. A healthy and self-actualized person works to develop all their functions and can switch between them easily. I've seen you do that and I'm very impressed that you have actively engaged that Fi and can identify the ways you use it! I'm happy that you it's easy to feel around me, that's what I want :) What do you mean something can override it? Oh to refer to #2, the therapy didn't make you more of an F, the therapy made you focus in your pre-existing Fi function. So it didn't change your personality, it simply enhanced it. Every body has both a T and F function, as well as both an S and an N function. But the order if how we use these functions determine our personalitt, which rarely changes even if we develop certain functions more.

Diana: Haha there are so many small text errors. I love mistyping things :)

Damien: 1. Very interesting. I wonder what other forces could push functions in one direction or another... definitely something I want to think about more. 2. I've consciously worked on my I and J for at least 6 years. I don't really feel I can reach the opposite extreme though, and it doesn't feel like a switch... more like, "Oh look, I'm being slightly more spontaneous." With the T/F I feel like it's an intentional change and I feel like I reach both extremes, if that makes sense. By override I guess I mean outside factors can still push me toward one or the other; if I'm in a heated argument, I lose touch with empathy... if I'm heartbroken I lose touch with cold, hard rationality. So the switch can definitely break, haha. Your typos are the only way I know you're human. Keep them.

Diana: 1. It is. I could probably think of some things. 2. I have found it intriguing how balanced you are between the two. You don't come across cold, not even if the stories you tell about your interactions with others. I can see your F come out a lot, like when we're watching videos and you express all your awe. You say quite a bit of Feeling-y things that I wouldn't say or maybe even think myself. But you are still decidely INTJ! Even in your awe, you ask "how?" and even when you express your feelings you are careful to present them reasonably. Not to mention, you walk and talk exactly like an INTJ haha

Damien: Hahaha don't worry, I will never tread on your INFJness : ) It's all yours and I will never come close... and I remain a proud INTJ 🧠 I'm literally just thinking out loud to you right now. We can absolutely table this for tomorrow night so your fingers don't hurt 💛

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Just laying here trying to drown out the gays with music on full-blast. You've been a pleasant distraction.

Diana: I know :) It's just interesting to me how you could do or say things like an F, but still be so INTJ. Remind me irl to tell you this one theory I have about T's. You look comfy! :) I'm glad I can be entertaining.

Damien: I will definitely remind you. And you are so much more than entertainment. What time are you thinking for tomorrow? And are you still sure the house and church are both okay? No second thoughts? You're okay seeing me all awkward in dress clothes?

Diana: I've got things to do tomorrow that I don't know the time frame of, but it's safe to say either late afternoon or evening. Yes, they're both okay. But here's your warning in case you want out. There's not much to do in this dog's old people house except watch movies and talk to me and take a dip in the pool. And I googled it, it would be like a 45 minute drive. And you already know the less savory parts about church (morning, 3 hours, dressing up). So I think you are the one who would be having second thoughts! And if you are, we can forget about it always do something more fun/convenient another time :)

Damien: Diana... I like you. Talking to you is enough. If we watch a movie and swim, those are bonuses that I could take or leave. And 45 minutes is nothing to be able to spend an evening with you. The same goes for church. I want to know you. Genuinely. If I can get a deeper glimpse into what makes you you, I don't care about the time, duration, or what fabric is socially acceptable to cover my nakedness.

July 14, 2018

Damien: Oh. Shit. I just woke up... I looked outside and the dude's truck is still here... so I looked in the living room... and he's not on the couch. 😳 I will update when I know more.

Damien: What do I do?? Should I make breakfast for everybody? Think dude likes waffles??

Diana: Ohh that's spicy! Yes of course, everybody likes waffles haha

Diana sent a photo.

Damien sent a video.

Damien: ...what does it mean?

Diana: Omg 😂 You foolish heterosexual mortal, only those of the rainbow covenant can hope to know its meaning

Damien: I AM ON THE SPECTRUM DIANA

Diana: Hahaha hey look, you can be young and hip

Damien: A[redacted] and I are texting about the possibilities. My theory is that B[redacted] is still laying there, eyes wide, not moving a muscle, a single tear rolling down his cheek because his personal space is being violated. I just hope they kissed. That's all I want in life.

Diana: Hahaha oh no what a picture you've painted. Why don't you text B[redacted] and ask him?

Damien: No response all morning 😳

Diana: Oh well maybe he's not eyes wide, not moving a muscle, a single tear rolling down his cheek, because he's asleep !

Damien: I'm sure he's fine. But he did have a legit panic attack a couple weeks ago because the guy insinuated he wanted to stay over. B[redacted] literally cancelled the date because of it. And it was his biggest fear last night when I was trying to calm him down. If they slept in the same bed and B[redacted] is still alive, it will be insane progress! So so proud of him. Probably. I'll know soon, haha

Diana: It's pretty exciting either way! Let me know when you know he's not dead, I'm invested in this story now haha

Damien: I'm just trapped in my room writing. Truck's still in the drive. I'll absolutely keep you updated.

Damien: Listening to Thomas Barrandon while writing. Thank you 🌻

Diana: Sounds like a good time :) which song?

Damien: Started with Body, now I'm shuffling The Quiet Earth album. How's your morning, 1-10?

Diana: Perfect! My morning is not bad. Solid 6. Doing errands like mailing packages, picking up groceries, breaking both of Bobby Birch's legs for disobeying direct orders... productive but boring.

Damien: He'll be back on tour in no time. But good on you for taking control. A 6 is fine for now, but we'll raise it significantly tonight. I'm thinking I can be there around 6:30 unless you tell me later.

Diana: He can't go back on tour, he's been "dead" for 6 years. No one can know otherwise Sounds good 👍

Diana: The address is [redacted]

Damien: Need me to bring anything other than fancy clothes? A keg? Some Benadryl to make things crazy?

Diana: Yeah bring all of that. Plus a swimsuit and any spare will to live. Also if you have a long dagger, that could come in handy

Damien: Yesss. Will do! Update: two distinct coughs just emanated from the bathroom walls...

Damien: omg... He did it. They made out. "Lots." (And more, but I will spare you the graphic details.) My heart is full.

Diana: OMG YAY B[redacted]!! 👏🌟 He's living it up! Woooo!!!

Damien: They're talking on the deck outside my room. It's funny because I know everything B[redacted] is thinking. Two more days of writing and I will be done with Part 2 : ) Time to get ready to deliver that table and bench!

Diana: Haha oh are you tuned in to the B[redacted]'s Thoughts channel? Yay!!! Good for you!! Wooow Sounds very spicy. I bet the table and bench are very excited to find a home

Damien: They were sooooo happy with the pieces and said they want to order more! I love easy deliveries. And they paid in cash, so two kegs tonight.

Damien: Are these fancy enough? I have other options if they don't work!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Also, my black slacks fit! Weirdly, they're a tiny bit too long 🤷‍♀️

Damien: Shirts are hard. Why do I have this? I look like a gay cowboy.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hey that's awesome! Yay for customer satisfaction! :) The shoes are perfect 👌 Glad the black slacks fit. If they're too long, the khakis are fine too. Straight out of Brokeback mountain

Damien: B[redacted] says two pockets are normal now. So idfk. I'm bringing options. Also, if I have to talk to anybody, I promise to introduce myself as your friend, not the guy you're SINTing. And is 6:30 still 👍?

Diana: Good idea. Always keep your options open, like a P, but have solid options, like a J. Haha we'll go over The Rules later. Yep yep, although 3:60 pm would be even better.

Damien: I love rules. I thrive with parameters... usually because I find creative ways to circumvent them, but I promise not to do that either. I'm aware I've ruined any hope of ever being suave in your eyes. You knew I was an INTJ so you knew what to expect... but I apologize for being miserable at looking presentable. On the other hand, you are one of very few people to see me give a damn about how I look... so at least I'm trying!

Diana: Haha no need to apologize. Sincere > suave. And I appreciate that you're trying, that's better than most :)

Damien: Heeeeeere!

Author's Note: One of the best weekends of our lives; dogsitting for "Misty" at a stranger's house and exploring each other deeply.

Author's Note: Diana made a list of questions and asked Damien every one of them while we swam in the pool, made dinner together, and cuddled in bed:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: If you read previous chapters, you already know about the "physical touch" list Damien made for Diana before she left for school. What we haven't explained yet was that both of us had negative sexual experiences before we met. This was one of the biggest reasons we took things so slowly, and the motivation for Damien's list.

Author's Note: Here are the first two moments from the weekend:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: It would take several more intimate conversations before Diana explained to Damien about the pain around the inside of her vagina called "vaginismus." It made it nearly impossible to use tampons and ruined the thought of penetrative sex. This was the reason she said no to Damien's touch that night, though she couldn't articulate it in the moment.

Author's Note: It's a problem we still deal with from time to time, but with lots of patience and communication, we've been able to work through it.

Author's Note: We slept in the same bed that night, leading to a third moment on Damien's list:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: Even though Damien was an atheist, he gladly went to Mormon church the next morning. We got a few curious looks... and it eventually lead to some funny drama... but Damien didn't burst into flames and the experience brought us closer.

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: Damien snapped this picture of Diana teaching Sunday school (highly redacted for obvious reasons).

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We still hadn't had enough of each other. We returned to Misty's and spent Sunday night together too, asking more questions, swimming, and eating cake in bed.

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: And finally... Diana's log from Date #7:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We didn't know it at the time, but our longest date changed how we would experience physical touch forever.

Chapter 14: Point System

Jul 16, 2018

July 16, 2018

Author's Note: These messages span from Date #7 to Date #8!

Damien: How. Cute. Is this.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Awww that's so sweet!!! Haha how does B[redacted] feel about it?

Damien: Well...... his exact words were, "I got a boner at 2am." But I think that means he likes him back!

Diana: Hahaha yep I'm sure. Yay things are happening for him!

Diana: It's boring here without you

Damien: It's boring here too. I'm hanging fan blades as penance for my sin of leaving mom with my dog for two nights.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha seems fair!! Sorry Damien's mom!! Aww the two lil pups are so cute. My life is 513 breaths taken away haha

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: For next time. Either here or I'll bring the ChromeCast there if you're still dogsitting 🌻

Diana: Extra spicy hot tamale!! 👌

Diana: Have you heard this song? https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZAbupc7jAQpG9IxojQ3s3?si=_05i9fHUSKa__-ZgzUHwxg

Diana shared a link: Cocaine Jesus (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Nope, but 55 seconds in I like it! I'm gonna split my playlist this week. I'm not hearing any of the newer songs and I'm sick if the older ones.

Diana: Cool I thought you might. Good idea! Your playlist is so long!! Time for Second Summer!!

Damien: Have you heard of Listener?

Diana: I have not

Damien: He's more poet than singer-songwriter, and it can take a bit to get into his stuff... but I love this one. (Definitely not a bop, so save it for later if you want to!) https://open.spotify.com/track/6g4qsfz1nzrw510NW1Y0dN?si=FAjRsibeTomtnTega-5Cgw

Damien shared a link: Seatbelt Hands (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Okay that sounds interesting :) I will listen to it later

Diana: I'm baking cookies now, it's bops only

Damien: Cake for breakfast, cookies for lunch... I like it.

Diana: Hell yeah that's how I roll.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I started another playlist for you. I'm writing now, but I'll finish tonight or tomorrow!

Diana: Oooh I'm excited!! :)

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Gluten free brownie cookies! Check out that crackage™ haha

Damien: I'm trying to find as many bops as possible, but some will be slower. I'll try to split the list in half so you can listen to the boring stuff at night : ) omg I would lay down my life for the one on the left.

Diana: I just realized I didn't send you the right picture :(

Damien: Well send me the right one!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I thought you meant the picture of the cookies 😂 And that makes way more sense!

Diana: Haha I know I can't believe I failed the first time! But cool cool cool cool. Every good playlist has a mix of bops and slow jams.

Damien: This might be my most polarizing book. My goal is to make it exciting enough to make people finish it even if they hate me, haha

Diana: Ooh spicy, strong reactions are what you want, right? I'm so interested to know about it

Damien: I want the strongest possible reactions while making sure everyone gets to the end : ) You have no idea how much your interest means to me. I'm actually only dating you for your multi-colored notes and ability to catch typos.

Diana: You just have to bribe your readers. Promise every one cupcakes if they get to the end. Hahaha that's a pretty good reason. My annotations are unparalleled

Damien: I'll promise 'em a damn good ending and eat the cupcakes myself.

Diana: Oh there you go. Everybody wins!! What flavor cupcakes? Pick three.

Damien: 1. Chocolate cake with Betty Crocker Rainbow Chip Icing. 2. Vanilla cake with Betty Crocker Rainbow Chip Icing. 3. Cherry cake with Betty Crocker Rainbow Chip Icing. You?

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: So you know what to look for for future birthdays (or breakfasts).

Diana: Hmm I'm sensing a pattern here. Filed away for later haha. I'd probably pick red velvet, caramel coconut. Cookies > cupcakes though

Diana: I've lost the use of my left hand

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Mmm... good picks! Ew. Bad sneeze?

Diana: Nah radioactive slime monster

Damien: Three notecards left. We're gonna celebrate when I get to Part Three. Done writing! Gonna take the pup to the park 🐕

Diana: Phone is dying. I'll reply later

Damien: ❤️ Have a good evening!

Diana: Okay I'm back. Wow you're almost to Part Three!! 👏 We're gonna celebrate so hard! Dance party! Rainbow frosting! Confetti! Haha how's the park? I'm back home and making dinner for the family!

Damien: Yesss for dance party! Whatcha makin' for dinner?

Diana: I'm making tikki masala

Damien: Ohhh that sounds delicious! I like that you cook. But I'd like it better if I could help : P I'm at the beach with the ESFP and her Frenchie (I think I showed you a pic of him a month back?). Not a dog beach but they're still off leash.

Damien: 🦎

Diana: Haha I don't really cook. Oh cool sounds fun, we were just talking about her!! Yes I remember the pic. So cute! Hope you guys & the pups are having a gr8 time :)

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I'm back now! Awww they got to come play??? I hope they're having a great time! (And holy heck you're cute 😍)

Diana: Did you get any cute pictures of Maevey? Yes we had a super ultra party time

Diana: Somebody told on me to my mom that I brought you to church

Damien: in the car. expand on that last part!

Damien: Not driving anymore! I got a few pics... gonna edit and send : ) Is it okay that your mom knows?

Diana: Awesome! Can't wait to see :) Haha she doesn't. All she knew is that I was with someone and she asked me about it.

Diana: I just think it's funny because I knew somebody would gossip and we didn't even talk to anyone haha

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Dogs.

Diana: OMG THIS IS THE GREATEST SET OF PICTURES TO EVER EXIST !!!! I LOVE THEM !! SUCH BEAUTY CANNOT BE DESCRIBED BUT MUST BE PRAISED; WOW!!!!!!

Damien: Also, I'm busy tomorrow until 4, and if the people buy the bedroom set I'll be busy the next few days during the day, but I think I'll be free most nights if you wanna cuddle on a pallet and watch Good Place! Hahaha I'm so glad you like them : )

Diana: A pallet? Sounds only semi-comfortable haha. I think I'll be free Wednesday or Friday I do! That last one is the best!!!

Damien: Oh they're not comfortable at all. But they're fun. Let's aim for Wednesday, and if something comes up we'll do Friday. I'm sorta already looking forward to it.

Diana: Haha okay whatever you say. Wednesday it (probably) is! :)

Damien: : )

Diana: Do you wanna see something that may or may not be funny and involves W[redacted]

Damien: That shouldn't be a question you need to ask. Yes : )

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: This is W[redacted] before and after I do my impression of Jerry drunk on Snake Juice

Damien: I WANT TO SEE JERRY DRUNK ON SNAKE JUICE

Diana: Just watch the episode!!

Damien: ...

Damien: Also, those pictures are hilarious : D You obviously do an amazing impression... I just better get to see it someday!

Damien: The second half is slower... otherwise no order. I hope you like them. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/30ed3pb1PlBSOMEcBwZucq?si=AMopZgbKRxiMPa8vIMfpbg

Damien shared a link: For Diana #2 (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Haha yeah W[redacted] says it's spot on. You'd have to be at clearance level 47 to see it though You know, I was just thinking to myself that I need to listen to some new music, and then I opened your message. Perfect timing :) I'm going to start listening now

Damien: I ran out of songs I'm certain you'll enjoy. I'm going out on a limb with a couple of these, but I think they're all good. You heard one from Kygo this morning, one from London Grammar yesterday, and the Cash cover of One last night. I figured you probably already know Sun, but I love it so much I added it. Annnnd give the Chili Peppers song a real chance. The last few slow songs are really slow... good for bedtime though 💛

Diana: That's okay. I want to know what you like even if I might not find it a jam :) I appreciate that you made this! I will give it all a real chance, the old college try haha. Maybe I will make one for you tomorrow

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahaha I'm into it even if they're not all that beautiful.

Damien: Oh! I forgot to tell you "What Fills the Gap" is the song that inspired me from the reddit guy! So you might not love it, but that's why I included it.

Diana: All Dogs Are Beautiful Huh really? I've only made it to "Raging", but "What Fills the Gap" is actually my favorite so far

Damien: Haha glad you like it : ) I'm in bed drifting in and out of consciousness. I like you, Diana. I think it's obvious now, but I feel it more every time we hang out. For the thousandth time, thank you for a spicy, funky fresh, totally bitchin' weekend ❤️ Let me know if you like any of the songs and I'll respond if I'm still awake.

Diana: Thank you :) I like who you are and I really like being around you. I am just happy to know you. I think I'll be falling asleep soon, so goodnight, Damien. Thanks for existing 🌟💕

July 17, 2018

Diana: Good morning :) I hope you have a very lovely Happy Tuesday!

Diana sent a photo.

Author's Note: This was a screenshot of a silly text from Diana's friend "K."

Damien: Nerd level: Grand Master. Both of you. Getting called a nerd by you is now a supreme compliment and I am honored that someone with such expertise sees a glimmer of the same in me.

Diana: Hahaha yeah we are and yeah it is a compliment. A nerd is just someone who loves something and knows about it. And in contrast, a dork is awkward and a geek is weird

Damien: Excellent definitions. I am 75% nerd, 20% dork, and 5% geek. You are 70% nerd and 30% geek.

Diana: Omg hahaha the fact that you did up these percentages is proof that it's accurate

Damien: I'll trade you 15 dork for 15 geek.

Diana: You can't just trade! It's a lifestyle!!!

Damien: Uhg. But my dork is ruining my geek and geeks are so much cooler 😫 Relevant thought: at least once, we should have a real-life dance party. We'll pick a night when B[redacted]'s gone, I'll take three shots of his cinnamon stuff, and I will dance with you. I hate that there's something I want to do and my brain won't let me. 🧠 +🔫= 🕺🏼

Damien: Of course that means I'll be obnoxiously lovey-dovey, but you could take your pill at the same time and forget all about it the next morning.

Diana: Nooo I like your geek. Oh yeah?? That sounds super Spicy Hot. We're gonna dance it up so hard !! Hahah real groovy.

Diana: That will be you

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Yassssssss! I'll steal one of B[redacted]'s outfits so I can look the part too. Also relevant: I don't know what to do about those damn mushrooms. I don't really want to do them around B[redacted] since he's a source of stress more than anything else... and I don't know if I feel safe taking them alone. I would LOVE your help, but I don't know how to make that work. I don't want you to have to babysit me for eight hours, I don't want to give you anything that'll fuck with your brain, and I don't know what embarrassing shit it'll make me say. I don't want to throw away $40, but I don't want to sell them like a dealer either. I truly want the experience it at least once in my life... but I'm totally lost. In all seriousness, what should I do?

Diana: B[redacted] doesn't want to and you don't really want him to, so I can be there with you. It should last somewhere between 3-8 hours. That's barely anything compared to the time we've spent together, so no worries there haha.

Damien: I just don't want to weird you out. If I fuck this up because I wanted to try shrooms like a high schooler, I will never forgive myself.

Diana: Listen, I don't think you're going to start saying saying weird and/or uncomfortable things on shrooms, you'll probably just giggle about how vivid the colors are and stare at the wall like you're watching a movie. Funny stuff like that. And I promise I won't judge you. I'll keep a list of everything notable you do and make fun of you, but I won't judge you.

Damien: "Loss of urinary control" I'm not sure I'm ready for you to see that. I'm between writing and building right now so I'm doing more research. 3-6 hours, it says. And the more I read about the reasons for bad trips, the more I'm realizing I'd only do it if you were there. So thanks 💛

Diana: Haha that won't happen. Well good thing I'll be there and also I've seen the future and you won't have a bad trip. You'll get a good night's rest beforehand, stay hydrated, eat something nutritious, and take a reasonable dose! Nothing to worry about

Damien: You are honestly the best. Maybe this weekend while B[redacted]'s still gone? If not, he'll be working on and off next week too, so we could find a time then and hopefully I'll be coming down by the time he's home, ha.

Diana: I'm still free Friday. Or maybe Sunday night

Damien: We don't have to make set plans now. We'll do the same thing as Wednesday... plan on it unless something else comes up. If you have a chance to be with friends or family, I want you to take it and not be tied down to my weird drug trip 🍄

Diana: Cool cool cool cool 👍

Author's Note: The mushroom plan didn't work out, but a little over a year later, we did them together! )

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: The door isn't heavy, just a little stubborn. But I'm persistent.

Damien: (It's also incredibly rewarding.)

Diana: Haha you're sweet. How is your Tuesday going?

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Cleaning the shop and preparing to show this mom and daughter some stain samples! Hopefully they arrive with a check : ) Then more writing, if I can manage. How's your day been so far?

Damien: Aaaand they paid ☺️

Diana: Ooh stain samples, how snazzy. Which one did they choose? And payment, even snazzier!! :) I just fried up some salmon with lemon but then my brother dropped it :( so now I'm eating peaches straight from the jar. Thanks Obama

Damien: Salmon with lemon?? That means you absolutely DO cook. I have a ton of salmon in my freezer. If we make it I promise not to drop it.

Diana: I really only cook when there's no more milk for cereal hahaha

Diana: Okay I made you a playlist too. I've listened to yours and I'll tell you all my thoughts later, but I really enjoyed it :)

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5bRb2Rc6HQqDEiplV2r9t9?si=LlkKnGgSRXyjWbOK8nr3XQ

Diana shared a link: For Damien #2 (open.spotify.com)

Damien: I'm so excited!!! I'll start listening as soon as I'm done writing, then again in the shop tomorrow ❤️ I just scanned the songs and none of them sound familiar!

Damien: The first minute of the first song has more bop in it than all of mine combined 😂

Damien: And omg I know Party Up, just never knew the name, hahahaha I love this so much.

Diana: Of course you know Party Up! Had to add it For The Spice. But yeah I think we know by now I'm a boppier person that you haha. Yours has jams™ though!

Damien: Mine give you tinglies if you listen hard enough! I'm really pushing Nahko and Damien on you, ha. And three super-mellow moody songs that always inspire me for some reason (the last three). Fake Plastic Trees and One... you just need to know those if you didn't already. The Pop Culture gods demand it. So far, Supersonic is the most Diana Jane song I've ever heard.

Diana: That's what jams do! Bops make you wanna move, jams make you feel, and bangers get the party started!! Haha well you love them, so push away. And if the Pop Culture Gods demand it! Good thing you're in tune with their demands so we know what must be done Hahaha I'm Diana Jane and I'm here to rock, rhymes like mine can never be stopped

Damien: "Rock" and "stopped" don't rhyme, you geek! I'll show you rhyming. Maybe I'll read my poem during one of our planned Damien Gets Inebriated While Diana Laughs events.

Diana: Well J.J. Fad says that it does! Ooh yes pleeease do. Show me how it's done.

Damien: Hey! Whatcha thinkin' about tomorrow? Still free? I don't mind heading your way again if you need to stay with The Thousand-Year-Old Dog. Otherwise here is cool too. Or Friday if you've got spicier plans. If we do hang out, I've got a bagillion totally original, totally intense questions that'll easily push me to 10% 😈

Diana: Actually she's a thousand and ONE years old and I have her until the weekend. It would be easier to stay with her, but I can come there in the evening if you prefer :) Wow, these questions better blow my mind because you really built them up! [redacted] got me to come to a social gathering and now I'm at swing dancing with a bunch of strangers. This is not my jam!

Diana: If I keep texting then I look busy and I can get out of participating :)

Damien: The questions might be TOO intense. There will also be a point system with more points for more intense questions. Hahaha ohh boy that sounds like a blast! I would be mortified 😂 Text me all you want!

Damien: I'm so bad with names... Is [redacted] the one I met at church?

Diana: Whaaat are you for real? You're making up a fun question points system?? I love points Yes [redacted] is the one you met at church. Total extrovert

Diana: Have you ever noticed that extroverts use people's names when talking to them more than introverts do?

Damien: It'll be fun. I'm finally taking initiative with the questions, haha And I will go there tomorrow! Just let me know time. No, but that makes total sense! What else are you noticing??

Diana: Wow I'm impressed. Haha are you sure you're not sick of the house's vibes? Well, in my line of sight, there are 21 bearded men, 4 ladies with red hair, 8 people wearing purple and 1 man dressed completely in yellow.

Damien: Are you kidding? That house has the best vibes in the world because of us. The owners should triple your pay. 21 beards?! Must not be a church dance! And that man is one bold mother fucker. What are you wearing? Clashing INFJ patterns?

Diana: Hahaha I wish!! Oh you're funny. Remember our first date and seeing the swing dancing at [redacted]? They change locations every week but thats where it is tonight Oh yeah. I'm wearing a combination of highlighter yellow, rainbow polka dots, and camoflauge.

Diana: There is a girl here wearing red lipstick, a red dress, and red stillettos and I'm In Love With Her

Damien: Ohh that sounds awesome. I wanna learn so badly 😫 And damn girl, you sound hella hot! 🔥 Hahaha, her red has nothin' on your highlighter yellow.

Diana: I can teach you exactly two moves. Hahaha thank you yes that's why I carry around a mini fire extinguisher just in case I spontaneously combust

Damien: Things I can’t stop thinking about from the weekend: -Watching you gently control of a group of five-year-olds. -The way you threw your arms around me at Walmart. -Watching your neck line while you tie your hair up while straddling me. -Our spontaneous volley of the things we like about each other between kisses. -Hearing your lovely and articulate response to the verses in church. -The way you sat in my lap and kissed me. I hope you're having a fun time! Party hard and drive safe 🌻

Diana: I just got home and brought my phone back to life. What a lovely message to receive. I wish I could articulate how I feel but I'm Too Tired !! You are intoxicatingly sweet. If you're asleep, I hope you're dreaming beautiful dreams and that in the morning you wake up smiling. 🌟❤️

Damien: ❤️😴🦎

July 18, 2018

Damien: Hey there, sunshine. What time ya want me?

Diana: Hello :) Come whenever you want.

Damien: I finished in the shop, took a shower, and just sat down to write until you were ready. I can leave in 15 if you want me that early!

Diana: Write for a couple hours! Let's say 4? :)

Damien: I can do that : )

Diana: Perfect 😁

Damien: 10 mins!

Diana: 👌

Damien: You here?

Diana: Yes. Come around to the back

Author's Note: In a sincere effort to help Diana open up, Damien arrived to the date with his tongue-in-cheek "point system" in which he would ask her a series of questions with escalating "point values" in each category.

Author's Note: Although we both remember Diana eventually answering all the questions, the screenshot below is the only relic we managed to dig up:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: And of course, we end with Diana's quick journal entry from the date.

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: I'm home, beautiful. Just about to crawl in bed for a couple hours. I'm so happy. No other words... I'm just so happy.

Diana: Good to hear!! Sweat dreams, Damien. :) 💕

Chapter 15: Old Photos and Going Down

Jul 19, 2018

Author's Note: Six hours after Date #8 ended...

July 19, 2018

Damien: Uhggggggg awake... Still with kiddos?

Diana: How did you sleep? :) Yes, until around 4 pm.

Damien: Awful 😂 But it was long enough! I'm getting ready to head to the shop. We're you able to sleep in the time the kids were gone?

Diana: Haha well that's something at least. Building things party time!! With secret comparments! Woo!! Yes, I had a power nap. Haha 100 years of magic-induced slumber crammed into an hour or two!

Damien: I like the way you say things.

Diana: Thanks. I like you

Damien: 🦋 Dozens of them. All the time now.

Diana: Cool I want to give you all the butterflies. Monarchs and moths and swallowtails and those ones that are like iridescently blue.

Damien: I swear I screen capture half the shit you say.

Damien: Just found out B[redacted] is coming back early to hang out with R[redacted], so no mushrooms tomorrow 😔 We can watch the show in my room or get dinner or anything else if you still want to hang out!

Diana: Heyy he's got a second date, that's cool! Too bad though, seeing you do the shrooms is the only reason I wanted to hang out with you.

Damien: Dating you has been a ruse so I could have a cute babysitter while I trip. All for nothin'.

Diana: Hahaha I'm glad we're on the same page. It was nice knowing you :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I'm the white-haired kid in the middle. Find one of you. I need to hit 11% ❤️

Author's Note: "Hitting 11%" was a running joke about how difficult it was to get Diana to open up. Damien figured he knew her about 10% and was determined to know more!

Diana: Omg!! Aw this is is so cute and amazing. You're cheesing so hard. Omg!

Diana: Here is baby me

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Super cute! But who's that funny lookin' kid playing with your face??

Damien: jkjkjk THOSE EYES, DIANA. They've always been huge! You were stinkin' adorable.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I think I told you about this one... I reallllly didn't want to be a founding member of a church 😂

Diana: That's Cynthia. She was a real troublemaker. But haha thank you Omg wow you look so happy haha. What an adorable little family! How old were you?

Damien: Haha seriously though, you look so sweet. Pleeease send more if you come across any : ) I was probably 4?

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: See that yellow necklace in the background? That's me

Damien: Lies. You're the one going for the throat. My heart. This is too much adorableness. You were precious.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: If I had a little eyeliner, would you have danced with me in high school?

Diana: Oh wow dreamy!! You kinda look like (young) Justin Bieber 😂 But of course I would have, with or without the eyeliner haha

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You were required to dance with anybody who asked 😂 But you're sweet. Omg... On a scale of one to even, I can't...

Damien: This is the other one I like: https://open.spotify.com/track/65fXbdx5DstarNIGI7NRdS?si=DEZCcLezRSOj1lI8JBXOuQ

Diana: 😘 Hahaha you're so silly! Are you a 17 year old girl?? I'll have to open it later! I'm visiting family friends (with the new baby) again

Damien: It's just the other SOHN song that I like. You probably already know it : ) I got an energy drink to double down on my exhaustion. I have ONE MORE SCENE and I'm gonna knock it out tonight so we can celebrate tomorrow 💃🕺🏼 No rush to respond. Just enjoy your friends and the new baby! ❤️

Diana: There's a lot of people and I'm more a background character right now so I can do both enjoy them and respond to you :) Woooah! That's amazing!! You're doing amazing!! Our celebration tomorrow is gonna be amazing! Amazing!

Damien: Hahaha yesss we'll go out on the town or whatever social people do! We can't be too crazy though because we'll have to top it when I actually finish the book!

Diana: So did the caffeine energize you are you feeling The Effects of staying up all night?

Damien: I'm so close, Diana, but so so tired... (I must seem so dramatic to a woman who literally deals with exhaustion every day) I'll respond more in a sec... I would very much like to cuddle when I'm done if you could use your magic and make that happen

Diana: No haha you don't seem dramatic! You're a trooper. Okay I'll get on that. I'm brewing up a teleportation potion right now

Damien: didn't finish : ( so close so maybe tomorrow before shop. in bed now. im so glad you got to see your friend. i love how much you value people in your life and find specific reasons to appreciae them. i hope you know youre appreciated too pls dont joke. if youre not really making a teleportation potion please dont get my hopes up.

Diana: Ohh somebody (you) is tired and should go to sleep. 💤 You're so sweet. You say such thoughtful things and you make me smile. I'm sorry. I don't actually know the teleportation potion recipe :(

Damien: ❤️

Diana: It's 11:11 and I wish you sweet dreams. Good night, Damien 🌟

July 20, 2018

Damien: Mornin' : ) Let me know your thoughts on tonight. Here or there... I want whatever's easiest for you (and whatever lets me see you the longest)! I hope the world is as kind to you today as you have been to it. Take good care of the kiddos and I'll be here with points and kisses and dinner when you're done.

Diana: I hope you're having a v good morning!! And thank you, you are kind to me :)

Diana: I would really like to see you tonight, but it turns out my family needs a few things from me and I don't think I can make it work :( What about Sunday night?

Damien: No worries at all. Sunday works just as well 💛 B[redacted] closes that night, so we could do the 🍄 thing... but we'd probably have to start mid-afternoon and I might just wanna hang out normally and be with you... we can figure that out later though! Let me know if anything changes. I'll just be here writing and building : )

Diana: Awesome :) Whatever you want to do!! Okay I will. Have fun building things and finishing your scene!

Diana: They've been listening to this song on repeat since I got here https://open.spotify.com/track/27mhCGdAA8gM7b33KIiB3k?si=P5b3lhCgTwKF21W7Bf5-gQ

Damien: Hahaha I only listened once and it will be in my head all day. Thank you for that!

Diana: You're welcome!! She moves her body like a cyclone!! She makes me wanna do it all night long!!

Damien: Mmm... sounds familiar! Aaaaaaaaaaand DONE with part two. Everything changes now. The world descends one step deeper into madness and I will be there to show it the way. Help me celebrate on Sunday by either tripping or watching shows in bed all day ❤️ 💃🕺🏼🦎🤪🌻😈🌈🎉😊🐕🌺🧠

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Yay!!!! 😁👏 Woohoo for descension into madness. This sounds SO spicy! You're so structured haha it's gr8 !! Look at that fat stack👌 Yes, I'm gonna help you celebrate so hard. As in 100% enthusiasm no matter the activity. Wow you really brought out the party emojis. These are emoji bangerz

Damien: You are the most encouraging person on the planet! Thanks for making me feel accomplished even though it's only half

Diana: I will never be free.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: This is so sad Alexa play Despacito

Damien: Searched for the meme; found Diana's birthday present.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha nice™. Except grey is boring

Damien: I find you a birthday present; you insult 2/3rds of my wardrobe.

Diana: I'm telling it like it is! A good birthday present would be a better wardrobe for you and the peace of mind knowing that I helped the fashion impaired

Damien: Put together a look and we'll go shopping. I wanna be suave af

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: A bit happy for me. Anything less colorful?

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I'll look like my brothers are about to sell me into slavery.

Diana: Hahaha perfect! It will be a great adventure.

Damien: Make me look like a 1950s Italian movie director, pls.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hell yeah that's just Sunday clothes with sunglasses and a cigarette

Damien: Well let's start with the Sunday clothes! Any stogies left over from your smoking days?

Diana: Gross

Diana: Do you have cool sunglasses ? That's the best place to start

Damien: Done and done.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: The mask should definitely be part of the permanent look

Damien: But then I'll look like I'm perpetually afraid of SARS : /

Diana: Haha yes but also no, paired with the sunglasses, it will be a Cool And Mysterious. Everybody will be like "what does Damien's face look like? I dunno" haha

Damien: Why not go full Elephant Man?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Because That's Been Done

Damien: Let's just focus on the top half. I've already got the shorts and shoes perfected.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh shit you're right.🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: There is way too much truth here. Not sure about the last one... but I'm sure it's relevant somehow.

Diana: Haha yeah you've said some of this about you already

Damien: The Fi is strong with me.

Diana: Here's mine

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Damn! I'll trade you Se descriptions! And this is spot on for you. You have a very attractive personality!

Diana: Haha we can share! But yeah it's very right. "Empathic vampire". And haha thank you.

Damien: Idc what people say... this shit IS a perfect science.

Damien: Blah... B[redacted]'s guy is definitely coming now. I'm gonna hide in the shop all night, lol

Diana: I can actually be free tonight if you want to do something instead of hiding haha

Damien: lol, you dork. I'm up for anything : )

Damien: What's easiest for you?

Diana: Hey I'm not a dork take that back or else

Damien: Prove you're not a dork and I'll take it back.

Diana: The proof is in the pudding.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You lost some image quality in the transfer, but I'm gonna take a wild guess that it says, "Send noods." Sorry, I'm not that type of guy.

Diana: Guess you are that type of guy because you just made that joke

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Totally. Naked.

Damien: Also, my computer is a total creeper.

Diana: Omg that's scandalous

Diana: What do you mean?

Damien: The way it's staring at my nakedness from the shadows.

Diana: Oh okay. Its obsessed with you, Damien. It watches your every move, filled with anticipation for when you'll touch it again.

Diana: Is there a word for beastiality except with electronics? There should be so I can use it right now

Damien: Probably some variation of either paraphilia or technosexual. We got wayyy sidetracked because I called you a dork 😂 You comin' my way or am I goin' yours?

Diana: Haha oh yeah. And you still haven't taken it back! Idk whatever you want to do!!!!

Damien: You are the worst 😑 What is your schedule tonight and tomorrow? That will help me decide.

Diana: I know and I'm sorry! Well I don't have anything real on the to do list. Just spend time with family tomorrow

Damien: Okay, then I should go your way so you can be closer to them when it's time to go! If you don't have any objection, what time do you want me?

Damien: Guuuuuurl you're killin' my J! R[redacted]'ll be here in 15, so I'm gonna grab dinner and drive around until I hear from you 🌻

Diana: Omg I'm sorry I just realized my message didn't send!! Yes, do that. Come whenever

Damien: 😑

Diana: :)

Diana: ❤️

Diana: 🌟

Diana: 🌻

Diana: 🎉

Diana: 👍

Diana: 💣

Diana: 💫

Diana: ☀️

Diana: 🌜

Diana: 🌠

Diana: :)

Damien: I get 10 points for waiting an hour trying not to be too obnoxious. I'll be there in 50! ❤️

Author's Note: This is the only photo from that night, one of the first Diana ever took of Damien.

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: That night also had THREE of Damien's top moments of physical touch:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Chapter 16: "ILY"

Jul 21, 2018

Author's Note: This is a short chapter! But an important one.

Damien: Home! Stopped and got some disgustingly large bacon thing from McDonalds. Time to work in the shop 😫 Have a good time with family! Let me know how large your web of lies grows!

Diana: https://youtu.be/d1mbbYKPpHY

Diana shared a link: Defender of the Basic | Hardly Working (youtu.be)

Diana: Haha we sent something at the same time

Damien: Watching now!

Damien: Where was he when I said I like Kygo?!

Diana: Hahaha he was probably busy filming this

Damien: I love everything about that video.

Diana: Haha I'm glad you liked it! It's funny & nice!

Diana: https://youtu.be/aXyju7zFwyE

Diana shared a link: Coming Soon: The Starcourt Mall! | Hawkins, Indiana (youtu.be)

Damien: New show?! I LOVED Walden Books and Sam Goody! What happened to them?!

Diana: Idk!! And no it's just something for Stranger Things

Damien: Yeah... tryin' to figure out how it's related. Just 80s I guess. Those were the days...

Diana: Haha it's barely anything. Steve says "Ahoy!" around like 1:07

Damien: B[redacted] and the boy are still together. There are clothes strewn about my bathroom. Apparently they're playing mini golf? What is happening.

Diana: Oh wow! They had a party in there!! Haha and now mini golf! B[redacted] is on a roll

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: He is and it's weird! But I'm also so very happy for him. And lip thing 'cause I don't wanna be in the shop 😴

Diana: Aw poor Damien. Hahaha what a way to twist your face. That's a #look. Very hot & spicy haha 🔥

Damien: We should build something in the shop together. Need any smallish furniture made out of wood?

Diana: Haha yes I need a small shelf to store all the hearts I rip out of the bodies of my slain enemies

Damien: Oo and if it turns out good I can add it to the website to sell more!

Diana: Yeah I bet that would be a big seller !!

Damien: Bed is built... needs stain tomorrow. I'm getting sleepy. How are you holdin' up?

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Also, dude is still here. And B[redacted] would KILL me if I had a suit, underwear, bikini, and panties in the tub when he wanted to shower. So many double standards 😑

Diana: Omg they left a mess 😂 and wow they are really getting along! Yay bed is built!!! It's only 8:30 haha I'm wired

Damien: You were sleepy at 2! hahaha The only time we're both wide awake at the same time is from midnight until 8am 😂

Diana: Yeah that was seven entire years ago! Haha makes sense. Everybody knows those are the party hours.

Damien: Okay, I can't be mad at B[redacted]. He got me a Rick and Morty glass for no reason.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahaha aww!! He IS caring!

Damien: Hey! You never told me to cocaine muling story! Remind me later when you're not busy!

Diana: Haha it's not a terribly exciting story. One friend just had me "return a bottle of Ibuprofen that she had borrowed" from another friend. When I gave it to the girl, she was like "cool thanks my mom will be happy" and pulled out a small bag of cocaine and I was like "hold up what" the end

Damien: Hahaha that's a pretty damn good story though! I don't think I've ever been a mule.

Diana: Haha not that you know of at least! I would have been oblivious had she waited to open the bottle.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Ooo now find one that says bitchin'!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 😂 You're the best. I'm so sleepy, Diana. My bed is all clean. Come cuddle and eat pizza in it tomorrow.

Diana: Go to sleep, Damien. Pizza party tomorrow!!! :) Good night and sweet dreams 🌜🌠😘

Damien: I'll just be buildin'. B[redacted] works all day and night. Come over anytime. Just saw you today, still excited for tomorrow. Good night, sweetheart.

July 22, 2018

Damien: I hope your second hour of church is going well ❤️

Diana: Thank you :) Church is over now! No more kids crawling all over me haha! Hope you had a good morning ☀️

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Trying to decide... Any strong opinions either way?

Diana: Hahahahahaha you are so funny !!!!!

Diana: Also I think I'll make it there somewhere around 7

Damien: Woohoo! Take your time. Be with your family. I'll be building and writing until you're ready for me ❤️

Diana: :)

Diana: Hey did you bring some black shorts here?

Damien: YES! Thank you! And oops 😬

Diana: OKAY my real ETA is 8 but I have good reasons and one of them is Stupid Steve (he's a frog). Sorry!

Damien: I told ya to take your time. No need for sorry 🌻

Damien: Sunset kayak ride before shows? Might be relaxing : ) See you soon!

Author's Note: Our only picture from Date #10:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: You might notice a pretty big relationship moment in Diana's little journal entry...

Author's Note: "ILY" in a circle.

Author's Note: It was dawn. We were in Damien's bed, Diana lying on his chest, both very sleepy after another long night together. Based on our combined memory, this is what Damien said:

Author's Note: "I'm not going to say it yet, and I don't need you to say it either... but I want you to know I feel it."

Author's Note: He would say the actual words a few days later, but even without saying it in bed, his feelings were clear.

Diana: I'm home :) I hope you're sleeping soundly and that the rest of your day is bitchin'. You're wonderful.

Chapter 17: "Fell Asleep. Dreamt of You."

Jul 23, 2018

July 23, 2018

Damien: Just woke up. Thank you for driving all this way to see me. Thank you for letting me be my sappy self without judgement.

Diana: Haha I'm happy to. So you only slept for like 3 hours? How are you doing? :)

Damien: Three sounds right! Did you get any yet?? I am excellent rn. Worked in the shop for a few hours... now I'm doing the part I love most about writing.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Yes actually! I'm all sleeped up haha Awesome!! Haha that looks super fun and interesting! You're just reorganizing and getting ready for part 3?

Damien: Ohhh good, I'm so glad you actually slept! Yep, Part 3 is on the bed!

Diana: Wooo! I love the story board, it's so cool to see how you lay it all out.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Evidence I'm living my life correctly.

Diana: Oh oops!!! You are so sweet. ❤

Damien: Any run-ins with demons, wormholes, or water witches tonight?

Damien sent a video.

Diana: Is that time for sushi?

Damien: ...how do you know these things?

Diana: I know everything!! It's so funny that Maevey is watching 😂 No demons, wormholes, or water water witches today. Although I just sat down for tea with some banshees. Things can get pretty wild with this crew haha so I always keep ear plugs on hand

Damien: Ohhh Banshees are always the life of the party. Especially karaoke.

Diana: Hell yeah they can wail like no other.

Damien: Hey! August 4 is the [redacted] Festival if you can still come : ) And I did the math with all the furniture I just sold, and we could spend a night in Chicago sometime the following week if it doesn't conflict with your plans with friends. We don't need to make any plans yet, but let me know if that's something you want to aim for : )

Damien: I'm a little tipsy and absolutely loving this song right now. I really don't think you'll like it hahaha. But there's something about that repeating note that makes me so very happy. I hope you're having the amazing night you deserve, Diana Jane ❤️ https://open.spotify.com/track/2Ud3deeqLAG988pfW0Kwcl?si=rD4XkGkRReyDVbw9hdapow

Damien shared a link: All My Friends (open.spotify.com)

Diana: I do like that song! And I like that it makes you happy! :) I like how there are all these little sounds that blend in the background while that one note stands out. Haha why did you think I wouldn't? Yes, I still want to to do the festival and Chicago with you 👍 I hope you're having a total blast getting tipsy! Haha party hard!! 😘

Damien: Idk! It's rock! Kinda. Okay! We'll wait another week then start looking to confirm a date. I just really don't want to get in the way of time with your friends. I want you to have all the fun in the world and love W[redacted] so so so much. Also, it is with tremendous joy I tell you the Old Money Dog meme is having a resurgence.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha I like rock music! And I like a couple of their other songs. Sounds perfect! :) I really appreciate that. Cool fun fact! I love fun facts!! Ooh hahah he's so fancy schmancy! Old Money Dog is spicy™ (but still old, both in age and relevance).

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: You. Seriously. Do cosplay. We'll watch GoT first.

Damien: Why can't I stop watching Sia music videos? "The Greatest" just blows me away. This is life. Or what I want it to be. I want to do with writing what they do with dance and music. I hope you're sleeping so well and wake up happy and refreshed and 100% Diana. Thank you for making this an excellent summer. Good night! 🌻

July 24, 2018

Diana: Haha cool. Natalie Dormer also plays Irene Adler in the show Elementary! You can't stop watching them because they're funky fresh and you have a deep appreciation for art and meaning!! You can do that! You're so kind. I hope that is how you woke up this morning! May this Happy Tuesday bring you joy and inspiration ☀️

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Have a great day, beautiful 🌺

Diana: Thanks! Looks awesome! :)

Diana: Here's one thing to say: I feel a very negative reaction when someone says "cause" when they mean "because." I know sometimes it flows better but I just don't want to see it!!! Especially without the apostrophe! Haha it's just not Spicy!

Damien: What if a writer uses it in dialogue when he wants you to have a negative reaction to a character? 🤔

Diana: Haha well that would work! I guess that'd be a little spicy

Damien: Oh shit. At least I used an apostrophe!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh yeah haha I felt that! But don't worry I forgave you.

Diana: Are there any language quirks like this that you just don't like?

Damien: I judge hard for "A whole nother," "All of a sudden," and "You guys's."

Diana: Haha oh yes. What exactly is wrong with "all of a sudden"?

Damien: What ISN'T wrong with "all of a sudden"? Why do you need the whole damn sudden to convey that something happening unexpectedly? PART of a sudden just doesn't cut it? More importantly, why use four ridiculous words when you could just use "suddenly" like people who aren't language monsters?

Damien: happened* 🤦‍♀️

Diana: Hahaha I love this rant, I would have never thought of any of this! But it's poetic! Suddenly isn't enough to describe how everything in one's environment becomes irrelevant in the face of one unexpected occurrence. Take it up with Shakespeare, the super language monster hahs

Damien: And the sudden—as a complete entity—describes it well? There are infinite ways to describe an unexpected occurrence, and Billy would have been a stronger writer if he would have used them.

Diana: It doesn't make technical sense, but it does evoke a feeling! Besides Billy was a fool just having fun fucking around with words :)

Damien: Your all-of-sudden fondness for word-fuckery and prioritizing the evoking of feelings over technical sense would be a lot more convincing if you hadn't so mercilessly attacked "zip-zagged."

Author's Note: "Zip-zag" is a reference to a phrase Damien made up in one of his books. Diana didn't like it 😂

Diana: Haha I just like to make fun of you! But also what was wrong with zig-zagged? What new meaning does replacing zig with zip bring?

Damien: Speed

Damien: Zig-zag is redundant. Once you're zagging, you obviously zigged first. But are you doing these things slowly? At a medium pace? Or are you zip-zagging like a stage manager sweeping rain from a floor?

Damien: One cannot zip slowly, Diana. And that's why zip-zagged would be considered Shakespearean if only Shakespeare hadn't used "all of a sudden."

Diana: It could be argued that speed is already implied by the aprubtness of the changing in direction! Nobody uses zig zag to communicate a slow movement. That's just swaying! And zip zag doesn't have the flow in the repetition of that hard g. Haha but all things considered, I see what you mean and I can appreciate your linguistic innovation.

Damien: I was gonna write another response, then I reread yours and died at "that's just swaying!" 😂 We'll call this one a tie. And I appreciate that you hold me accountable for my experimentation. Forcing me to rigorously defend my choices will ultimately make me a better writer.

Damien sent a video.

Damien: Heading in to write. Yell at me if I'm not back in the shop staining by 8 tonight.

Diana: Haha okay I'm cool with a tie. It's fun to discuss things with you even if I don't "win" :) Hey that's so cool!!! I love it and she will too. Everybody loves secret compartments Have so much fun writing! 😁

Damien: Cheesy-but-true line of the hour: Having the intelligence and compatibility to engage in in-depth banter makes us both winners ; ) But for real... you're my favorite person to text ❤️

Diana: Woooo awesome I love winning!!! And I love that it's never boring or tiresome to text you, you're so engaging.

Damien: Come finish The Good Place soon.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Is this like the time you said "I can hear you" on the kayaks but really couldn't? : (

Diana: I wish it wasn't, but it is just like that except this time with flying fish!!!

Damien: Haha by soon I meant sometime this week! I think I'm only busy Thursday. I'm shooting another music video thingy and B[redacted] messed up his schedule so I get to be in charge 😈

Diana: Haha I know what you meant but I had to use Aquaman. Also I don't know when I will be free. Saturday probably? But that sounds fun, shooting and being in charge?! Crazy wild cool spicy

Damien: We don't need to make plans. If you realize you're free one night, let me know : ) Otherwise we'll shoot for Saturday 🦎

Diana: Perfect I love shooting 🔫 for things 🔫🔫🔫 especially Saturday 🔫 Saturdays are for shootin' 🔫🔫!!! 🔫 [redacted] and I just got back from a bike ride adventure. How was the shop? Where in the 1-10 scale does your day fall? What are you doing right now in this very moment?

Damien: Is your gun emoji a squirt gun like mine? Way to fight gun violence, Apple! Oooo bike adventures are the best! Did you see anything amazing? Nice sunset? The shop was fine! All three pieces are now completely built. My day was a 6.18. As of 7 minutes ago it became a 7.33. Yours? Right now I'm sitting on my couch debating if I should go in the hot tub then watch stuff with B[redacted], or go hunting for evil pixies in the vast and uncharted world behind my closet.

Diana: No, mine is a real gun. I guess Android wants to promote violence. Oh yeah. We saw the sunset and we went to the park and there were lots of spinning things. So much spinning. It was amazing Let's pump that up to a 7.83 somehow!!!!! I'm sure the pixies are the way to do it. That sounds hot and spicy to the max! Do that, then hot tub. Report back to me with the cool stuff

Damien: You are such a good big sister. I bet [redacted] needs you a lot right now, and probably appreciates you a ton. 7.83?! It's funny, an Diana selfie is normally worth .42, but because I only have a small handful of pictures of the woman I think about most of the day, a selfie would be worth a full .5, which would bring my day up to exactly 7.83! I think we're gonna settle for the last two episodes of Handmaid's Tale. We keep putting them off. I'll be preparing my squirt gun for pixie slaughter later 🧚‍♂️ 🔫

Diana: Thank you. That's really sweet to say. I love my sister. Hahaha well if that's what it takes!! But give me a jumping off point. Like a maybe a color or something. Smiling? Or my natural face? Do you want me to snap a picture right now and show you how I'm rocking this coca cola t shirt or do you want to see me all glammed up? Or do you a picture of me in my lizard skin? If so, you have to pay $5. Oh that sounds fun! Finale party!! I wish Android had a fairy emoji

Damien: Right now, whatever mood you're in, Coke shirt, I don't care about glam... just you. And I was wrong... we have 4 episodes left 😑 This show is endless.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Omg that's twice as many as you thought. How will you live and survive?

Damien: I only got one! But I don't even care. My night is an 8. You literally made my heart skip. Thank you so much ❤️❤️

Diana: Twice as many episodes! Haha aren't you are just so sweet 😘 Please send me a picture of you throwing up the deuce back when you can. I need to return it to the library or I get fined $3

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 🌻

Diana: Beautiful! Amazing! Groovy! Cool beans! Hot salsa! Nice face! Very lovely! Good! Neat-o! I Like It! 🌟🌟👌👌😁👍💣🔥😎😘🙌🤘🤘💥🌶🏆🎷🎷

Damien: You are such a dork 😂 But you made my night : ) In bed yet? Watchin' anything groovy? Talkin' to ENFPs?

Diana: Well I love being a dork. It's way more fun and sincere than anything else. Sometimes you just need to exclaim a bunch of adjectives!!! I'm in bed now. Was with an ENFP for awhile but finally escaped. I feel bad for extroverts

Damien: I love that you're a dork. And I love your adjectives and exclamation points. Why do you feel bad for them?

Diana: Fell asleep. Dreamt of you. The heat from your hands, the softness of your voice, the steadiness in your eyes. A sweet dream. Back to sleep now. Good night and sleep tight

July 25, 2018

Damien: Read that so many times last night and didn't know what to say 🦋 I hope you had so many more of them ❤️ Abandon kiddos and help me stain. I'll give you $10, 40 points, a bag of Craisins, and six dead pixies.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh I really would but I don't use dead pixies as a form of currency. Don't wanna fuck around with the fair folk, they'll put a curse on you real quick

Damien: So THAT'S why my flesh is liquifying... Also, high school geometry failed me. Goddamn Pegasus and his theorem.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha that might be it! Gross!! Aw man you should sue high school and geometry and the Prangent theorem!!!

Damien: Pregananant? I settled on this design. All sexy 45s 🤤

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh yes those are the sexiest of angles. Looks very nice 👌

Diana: "My babies came out sick and I didn't even marry my brother!!" -the 4 year old while playing with stuffed animals

Damien: Holy. Shit. Just... How...?

Damien: Ask the parents. Please. I need to know how a 4 year old would know to say that 😂

Diana: Hahaha I don't think they would even know. That's one for the books though

Damien: Next Saturday is going to be SO weird. B[redacted] asked if he could hang out with us and I said of course... then just now he said R[redacted] may be there too. This would be fine, but I don't think M[redacted] has ever met a gay person in her life, and now this awkward af new couple will be her only firsthand insight into the LGBT community. We're gonna be a wild pack of extreme introverts, and you and I will be the most outgoing. T[redacted] is gonna say some weird shit that'll probably offend everyone because that's what INTPs do... and B[redacted] will revert into hyper-meta mode where he comments on the way everyone is acting. Three requests: 1. Help me be a hardcore P for the day. 2. Hold my hand every so often to reassure me you still like me. 3. Bring a notepad and pen... we're gonna wanna analyze afterward. And thanks for coming. Seriously. I'm excited for you to meet my weirdo friends, and I'm excited they get to meet you 🌻

Diana: Haha wow this is going to be a real wild party!! It sounds like an interesting social challenge. Potential complications: meeting new people, figuring out the group dynamic, and navigating the activities of the festival. Ultimate objective: have a fun time!!! Mission accepted :) Glad to have you on my team! Thanks for the debriefing. Your requests have been determined reasonable and will be completed. Hahah okay nerdiness aside, thank you for inviting me along, I'm pumped. Sorry it took me so long to respond, it's been a busy evening.

Damien: You have the best damn attitude about every situation 😂 Don't apologize for that! Go be busy and tell me about it later! (If you want to and have time ❤️)

Diana: Cool thanks! Thanks for being so nice all the time! How was your day?

Damien: My day was totally mediocre! But I got a lot done : ) I decided to build the benches alongside the bedroom set so I can poly everything at the same time... so I'm just now getting around to staining. I also wrote. So basically like every other day we don't hang out, ha I've been listening to good stuff too... a lot about personality, some identity stuff, and now I'm listening to your boy, Sanderson. What made your night so busy?

Diana: Hey, productive is more than mediocre! Writing and building and staining = neat-o Ooh that all sounds interesting. Hope you remember the good stuff so you can tell me about it later :) I've just had to interact with a lot of people who needed a lot things today.

Damien: I wrote a few things down to talk about! And I hope all the interactions went well 🌻

Diana: It makes me happy just to know you exist and every word I receive from you reaffirms that feeling

Damien: I want to make your days as bright as you make mine. Any words that make you feel loved are both intentional and honest. I'm glad we both exist 🌺

Diana: Tell me about a small moment that made you happy this week

Damien: Today, HBO greenlit a Deadwood movie twelve years after the show was abruptly cancelled. I'm curled up under my blanket watching season 3 rn. That's very happy. What about you? Any small moments?

Damien: Mine wasn't particularly spiritual or sentimental, ha... just relevant to what I'm doing now... 🐎

Diana: Hey what!! That's amazing you love that show! I'm happy for you :) It's doesn't have to be either spiritual or sentimental to be worth telling me. I want to hear about anything you want to tell me. The first bite of my bagel this morning was magnificent. I was so hungry and all it took to remedy my pain was one bite of toasted bread and butter. So simple and so delicious I love butter and also being alive !!!

Damien: What kind of bagel? You're making me hungry! And if you can find enthusiasm for life in a bit of butter, you've got it made!

Diana: Just a plain bagel! Haha I'm sorry, maybe you should have a 1 am snack.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: "Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back." I want to write dialogue like this pls

Damien: So sleepy. Good night, Diana Jane. Come cuddle soon.

Chapter 18: "This Isn't How Life Works"

Jul 26, 2018

July 26, 2018

Author's Note: After hinting at it several days ago, Damien finally says it.

Diana: Good morning!! I'm sending you some fun emoji Vibes™ to make your day cool & interesting (bc Thursday is scientifically the most boring day of the week) 🌟🔥💓💥🕶🌹🍀🍍🌋🌪🎈

Damien: Volcanos AND pineapples?? This is about to be an amazing day! Just got off the phone with R(Damien's BFF)! He's up for a [redacted] show about [redacted], hahaha. I reallllly hope he gets it. It would be huge! And I told him about you : )

Diana: It better be. This is a very special and rare collection Woah haha that's awesome! I would watch that 😂 Cool for him, I hope he gets it too, sounds fun! Oh did you tell him that I'm the Antichrist meant to lead all of humanity into eternal suffering?

Damien: Last he heard I was dating five people, so I had to explain that only one was worth my time. He's just happy that I'm happy : ) I also dispelled his notion that the Antichrist would look like an actual demon. I explained how that was totally incorrect, that the Antichrist would take the form of a beautiful woman to throw everyone off. He thought that was pretty cool, and he says he's excited to mark his forehead with your symbol! Any amazing plans today?

Diana: Haha awesome! I love recruiting new followers for evil! Oh yeah, every day I'm ballin' so there's that 🤑 I've got nannying, dogs, and then family errands. Really exciting stuff. They're making an action movie about my day. How about you? :)

Damien: Ooo what kind of dogs?? I'm hitting all three jobs today! Finishing up in the shop now, gonna write for a few hours, then shooting the band at 7. Then I might hang out with the ESFP for a few if I'm feeling up for it. How is that bench design? 😬

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: [redacted] the Whippet and then a pug named Max 🐾 Hey cool 3 birds one day! Sounds like it will be fun and productive! :) And your bench looks great! What kind of band is it?

Damien: Right now... this exact moment at 1:20 pm on this boring Thursday, is the single greatest moment of my life... my very first 11 out of 10.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: You are the best girl I'm speaking in near-future terms with in the world.

Diana: Hahaha I'm so glad that brought you such joy :)

Damien: I am literally eating it off a spoon right now. My whole entire day has been made ❤️

Diana: Awesome! Frosting for lunch!!! Neat-o, that was the goal 👌😘 Gotta live up to the pineapple volcano combo

Damien: My favorite classic rock bop. Listen next time you're in the car and your day will get 16.7% better! https://open.spotify.com/track/5eYwDBLucWfWI5KsV7oYX2?si=yvu3CmJTQA2-3fKO8ThgUA

Damien shared a link: Mary Jane's Last Dance (open.spotify.com)

Diana: That was one hot Jam™. +16.8%

Damien: Woohoo! Just finished rereading several previous scenes, and I'm feeling super excited about everything again : ) It's totally insane... but I think people will run with it. I hope so, anyway!

Diana: Woo I'm excited too! Can you tell me a random detail that you're excited about?

Diana: Here is [redacted] enjoying a cool breeze 🍃

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Absolutely! Ask me again tonight and I'll ramble : ) And ohhhh [redacted]! What a funny, beautiful pup!

Diana: Perfect! Rambling is the best! Yes he's beautiful. He says heyyyyy

Diana: Hey give me a color off the top of your head! Just any random color except not grey

Damien: Cerulean! Why?

Diana: Haha perfect thanks!

Diana: I'm doing experiments with aesthetic

Damien: I don't know what that means but I want to be involved : D

Diana: Haha it's nothing really interesting, just a boredom-killer

Diana: I will show you!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Cerulean! Monochromatic! Make up! Aesthetic! Experiment!

Damien: Hahahaha omgggggg cerulean lips! 😍 More.

Diana: Haha more ? That's the end!

Damien: : ( But so much cuteness!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: I'm going to take it all off now! Tell me what the last song you listened to was !

Diana: Actually don't tell me what it is. Just rate it 1-10 and tell me if it was a jam, a bop, or a banger

Damien: Yesss take it all off and send more pics 😈😂 10, bop! https://open.spotify.com/track/7C6NcqS3fNDXLgP5L2Kbgp?si=BFl1WZhDSN2QT3vV0vPfeg

Damien shared a link: Just Like Heaven (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Here's the natural me

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Oh yes it is a bop! You're just like a dream! I like when it's the piano's time to shine

Damien: Awww you are so precious! It's the happiest Cure song I know. What have you been listening to?

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Qb7gtV6Q4MnUjSbkFcopl?si=wsnPlU-gQ4Ku7RLEfpFbYA

Diana shared a link: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Ohh I like him. I'll listen on my way back. Still chillin' with [redacted] and the band, woohoo

Diana: Oh cool! Party it up!!!!

Damien: Leavin' soon : )

Diana: Well party it up even harder until then!!!!!!

Damien: You know me. Mr Partytime.

Diana: Yes that's your contact name in my phone

Damien: Tell me all the things.

Diana: That's so many things. Like what?

Damien: Last kind of candy you had. Do you like Scrabble? What is one of your top ten favorite words? Would you ever skydive?

Diana: Haha okay! Chocolate chips melted in the microwave. Yes, but I rarely play. It's not a creative answer, but I really like the word wonderful. If I had the money, totally. Now tell me your answers!

Damien: Ohhh all good answers! We should play Scrabble. I'm surprisingly bad considering how much I use words. Let's make money and go skydiving! We'd have to take my mom though... she's always wanted to go. Mike and Ikes. More or less. Damn... Idk! Visceral?? Yesssss!

Diana: Fun Date Ideas: -scrabble -get that ca$h monayyy -jump out of an airplane with your mom

Diana: Which Mike & Ike flavor is your favorite? And you can't pick visceral! You've already said that :) Do a different one!

Damien: Gotta keep things interesting so the door doesn't slam! Red! Uhg. Idk! Does "uhg" count?

Diana: Haha well don't you know your INFJ slang. Oh yes you like cherry! Here is an official Diana-approved ranking of the Mike & Ike flavors: yellow, pink, green, red, orange. It totally counts haha

Damien: I know it all 😈 Red is that far down?? Blasphemy. The cherry gods will hear about this.

Diana: The cherry gods and I are pals. The "cherry flavor" gods can fist fight me 👊💢

Diana: Hey tell me your MBTI rant now!

Damien: I will tell you next time I see you!

Diana: What!!!!!

Diana: That's so far away

Damien: Saturday?

Damien: I only get to see you once a week again!

Diana: So far away, Damien

Damien: It is 😔

Diana: No you saw me Monday!

Damien: Psh! That doesn't count! Come early Saturday : D

Diana: 6:47 am bright & early

Damien: Too late : (

Diana: 6:46 am bright & early

Damien: Okay! Or is this like the flying fish incident all over again : (

Diana: Haha you're silly everybody knows 6:46 am doesn't exist

Diana: The song lyrics currently stuck in my head are: AC just stopped workin' so they hit me, told me bring my wrists back 🎵🔥 What's the last thing you got stuck in your head?

Damien: Hahaha you know the weirdest songs 😂 Mine is this amazing song from earlier today:

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/track/1cSt7xtDIVSJ4gfjZ9W49e?si=C5YHIwbhTqaj4rWmVAUtCg

Damien shared a link: Ramshackle Day Parade (open.spotify.com)

Damien: I love this song so much... a little weird though maybe!

Damien: Turns from a jam into a bop. My favorite!

Diana: It's not weird, it's what's hot right now! I like this. I like the weirdness of his voice and the lyrics and the song. My head is filled with a neon lava so I can really relate

Damien: ❤️❤️ I'm so very glad you like that one. It's from the end of a movie I adore. Thanks for listening : )

Diana: Oh what movie? :)

Damien: It's called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Absolutely beautiful!

Diana: Ooh just the name is intriguing

Damien: I think you would like it very much. So much to watch...

Diana: Haha I'll put it on the never ending list!

Damien: We have to much to say... there's too much I want to know. If you were less interesting maybe we could watch some movies.

Diana: Haha it's a good problem to have! I'm proud of us for watching two whole movies and half a season of the Good Place!

Damien: Hahaha that's not so bad! I realllly want to see the new Mission Impossible, but I'm assuming that doesn't interest you, haha

Diana: If you're interested in it, my interest is piqued. I can get past a middle tooth if I try

Damien: You are way too sweet. AND you spelled piqued correctly. Where did you come from?

Diana: No one knows. One day I just appeared fully formed out of thin air

Damien: With all those brains already in your head?? Seriously... the present was amazing. B[redacted] ALWAYS gets packages so I assumed it was for him... you know exactly how to make people happy.

Diana: That makes me very happy to hear :)

Damien: Didja take your pill yet? You're always so open and sweet after you take it 😂

Diana: Hahaha yes I did awhile ago

Damien: Are you trying to watch Netflix or YouTube on your phone and I keep interrupting? hahaha

Diana: No you're the main event and also I'm reading haha why do you ask??

Damien: I always feel bad texting too often at night because I know you watch stuff on your phone and I know how annoying notifications are. Whatcha readin'?

Diana: Oh haha you're so considerate 💕 I'm reading a book of poems that contain a secret message detailing where my great great great uncle Arnold buried his extensive collection of rubies. What are you up to?

Damien: You Mormons and your family trees! I'm good with secret messages : D Sometimes. I'm just browsing reddit and watching Deadwood so I can be a better dialogue writer.

Diana: Hell yeah genealogy is the shit!! Ooh that's very spicy. What are you learning?

Damien: Nothing specific... but hearing it repeated is insanely helpful. Even though this type of dialogue really wouldn't fit in most of what I write. I am trying to get better at subtext, though. That's really hard for me... saying things between the lines... or creating entire conversations that are about something mundane on the surface but the reader knows it's so much more. I really need to work on that!

Diana: Hm interesting. I like that you keep learning about it. I'm sure you'll get better! I'm gonna have to think about the dialogue I've read in your books and see if you're actually lacking when it comes to this bc I've never thought that

Damien: I love that I can talk things through with you.

Damien: Maevey is excited to see you... she told me.

Diana: Tell Maevey that I'm so excited to see her!! She's the brightest star in the sky!!

Damien: Any ideas for Saturday? If not, I'll find options!

Diana: Not right now my idea center is closed for the night. I just want to be with you. We could do some coal mining and I'd be like "alright cool". How do you feel about caves

Damien: The only guarantee I can make is that you will be with me. And I feel the same. Whatever we do, we'll finish The Good Place too.

Diana: Okie dokie :)

Damien: When will your family miss church again? 😂 Am I still allowed to go sometime now that people know about me? If not, I totally understand! I don't ever want to complicate things for you.

Diana: You can come whenever you want. I would love to have your company

Damien: I just don't want to make things awkward for you... Maybe in a week or two? If you still like me and promise it won't be weird for you with your family or their friends.

Damien: Sleep well, sweetheart. Tomorrow will be a good day.

July 27, 2018

Diana: Haha you're so considerate. I'll still like you in a week (idk about two weeks though that's a long time). If you really want to come, then the weirdness doesn't matter! :) Now good morning!!! ☀️ I hope your Friday is fantastic!

Damien: I would definitely like to go again : ) T[redacted] and M[redacted] leave next Sunday morning... so maybe the Sunday after that if you still think it's okay when the time comes! And good morning! My hands are already filled with stain.

Diana: Sounds good. I'll still think it's okay haha Ooh that's fun!! Staining it up!

Damien: I never gave you a detail about my book yesterday, so here's an excerpt I sorta like. My very favorite thing is to ascend into abstraction after spending the majority of the story in concrete language. I get to go crazy with semi-colons and m-dashes and ellipsis and all that other stuff amateur writers use : ) Oh... and dude is trippin' balls.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: 10 Things I Like About It 1) the simplicity of that first phrase, followed by the more intricate description, flows nicely but the ellipses and dashes and italics and pauses really make it way more fun to read 2) "still wanted to vanish" evokes a deep emotion 3) "broken brain bombarded" alliteration 4) that whole sentence is lovely actually I feel it 5) haha "yammering in his bad hear" is funny but also shows he's not present, that reality isn't the experience being prioritized 6) the list of contradictory epiphanies is funny, creative, and engaging all the way to the end 7) "love and loathe" really rolls off the tongue 8) as you read the last sentence especially, the excitement you feel as the reader builds and I can maybe feel how manic this guy feels 9) "planet fucking earth" 10) that you shared it with me :)

Damien: Could you do me a favor? Could you go a week without texting me with no warning or explanation? Or could you find some random guy downtown next Saturday and start making out with him in front of me? Maybe you could tell me (Damien's first novel) is total shit and my dreams are a joke and will never come true. Please... do something to bring me back down to reality... or I'm gonna float away on whatever this feeling is and never come back. You're not real. I'm not eating spoonfuls of free frosting and reading ten nice things about a random paragraph I wrote. This isn't how life works.

Diana: That's how life should and can work!!! :) Although you're right about one thing, I'm not real. I told you, I've just been an illusion this whole time!!

Damien: ❤️

Diana: This song reminds me of Coraline https://open.spotify.com/track/6yo4eJf8kHjuJ4T0wd3AiA?si=EdxEFeZLT0yOPxIBoqhTug

Diana shared a link: Altitude (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Oh it TOTALLY does. Or any Tim Burton movie with his creepy Danny Elfman scores. (But Coraline is better than any of his movies.) How'd you find the artist?

Diana: Haha yes! I was listening to the radio for Penguin Cafe Orchestra

Damien: One of my favorites you sent me

Diana: Interesting :) I'll put that in the file haha

Damien: You bein' a nanny? Watchin' pups?

Diana: I'm done with work for now! My mom and I are trying to figure out a movie to watch

Damien: Ohh let me know which Lifetime movie you pick!

Diana: 😑

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Manny Dearest starts in 5!

Diana: That sounds incredibly stupid, thanks for the suggestion

Damien: But Diana, there's murder.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh shit I'm sold

Damien: 😃

Damien: 🌻

Diana: Honestly that was the worst thing I've ever read

Damien: But can a simple synopsis ever capture the true nuance of a Lifetime movie?

Diana: Well that's a complicated question, and the answer is even more complicated: yes.

Damien: 😂

Diana: Haha we're gonna watch Thor: Ragnorak !

Damien: Hey! That's one I've actually seen! I always get him mixed up with the shield guy though. Also, no matter how much you hope it happens, Batman doesn't show up in this one either.

Diana: Hahaha are you proud of yourself ?

Damien: No : ( I just really don't wanna go back to the shop...

Diana: Just set everything on fire that will solve all your problems

Damien: But then the nice kid won't have her bedroom set : ( Uhg... I need to buy more stain and poly. Come see me soon. I really want to kiss you.

Diana: Oh right never mind I guess fire isn't the answer this time. I'm going to see you tomorrow!! :)

Damien: I know : ) Just excited.

Diana: Haha you're sweet, I'm excited too!!

Diana: This is THE WORST thing I have ever seen

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahahaha let's join! I wonder how fast I could eat one...

Diana: Ha! When pigs fly. Although I am curious to know how long it takes the average person to eat an entire head of lettuce

Damien: Bring one tomorrow and I'll help you find out.

Diana: I'm really torn. On one hand, curiosity, on the other hand, extreme repulsion...

Damien: I'll take it in another room. I wouldn't make you watch that.

Diana: Oh how thoughtful of you!

Damien: : D

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Never ends

Diana: Oooooh very pretty !!

Damien: Let's watch Isle of Dogs tomorrow. I'm listening to a review and they looooove it. And there's dogs.

Damien: Hey! What time are you thinkin' for tomorrow? I just need to plan my poly dry time. My vote is still 6:34am.

Diana: Okay let's do that! :) I won't be actually be free for most of the day. 6 pm?

Damien: Whatever works for you 💛

Damien: I just texted R[redacted] that I'm in love with Joanie Stubbs from Deadwood. Less than a minute later I decided to look up character personality types. Of course she's an INFJ.

Diana: Wooo INFJs! Idk her but I love her too!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: She's a prostitute! But then she becomes a madam in season 2. But then all her whores get killed so she rents out her brothel as a school. And now in season 3 she's going to turn it into a theater!

Damien: OH, and she falls in love with Kristen Bell for two episodes.

Diana: I googled her! And she's lesbian!

Damien: Haha yep

Diana: KIRSTEN BELL

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: 😱😱😱

Diana: She look soo young she's a baby

Damien: Her arc is truly disturbing.

Diana: Baby Bell?

Damien: Yessss

Diana: Now I need some cheese

Damien: Now I'm gonna think of cheese every time I see her.

Damien: Dinner

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: That's a balanced meal!!! It has all the colors!!

Diana: Check out Max

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Omg!!!! I love him!!!!

Damien: What kind of dog is it?!

Diana: Extreme Pug Boy, Master of the Grin !!!

Damien: Figured he was a pug mix. Super super super cute.

Damien: I want to be Timothy Olyphant.

Diana: Explain

Damien: I used to say I had a man crush on him... but I don't actually want to see him naked or anything. So I realized I just want to be him. More specifically I want to be his character in Deadwood.

Diana: That's what man crush is? You want to be that man. If it was sexual it'd just be a crush. Anyway I've got a spell for that

Diana: ✨

Diana: What do you like about him?

Damien: Ohhh he's in The Office too! In Those Seasons We Do Not Speak Of! He's just a beautiful human. And by beautiful I mean badass. I wanna shoot bad guys. And sometimes good guys if they annoy me.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: That's a good reason. You can shoot all the bad guys with water guns 🔫 That way you don't get in trouble with The Law. And woahhh he looks way cool with a mustache

Damien: Bullock IS the law! I just looked it up and he's lawful good... meh.

Diana: That facial hair doesn't really scream lawful good

Damien: 🦎

Diana: Hey Larry!!! What's popping in Lizard land?

Damien: He's a sleepy lizard.

Diana: Maybe he should go to bed and catch some zzz's

Damien: It's not even late! He's gonna stay up just a little longer...

Diana: Larry just listen to your body ! :) Sleep = good

Damien: I love you, Diana. I figured I’d get it out of the way now so I don’t make things awkward in person. I recognize it’s weird... but it’s the closest thing to the truth, and I’m not going to repress that. I’ve felt it before without saying it, and I’ve said it before without meaning it. I think both are worse than just being honest. I hope you’re able to feel loved without also feeling the expectations that so many people dread when they hear that phrase. Because there are truly zero expectations. If anybody should know they’re loved, it’s you, and that's my only intention when saying it. Don’t reply. Just enjoy the rest of your evening and have sweet dreams when you sleep. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Good night 🌻

Author's Note: This was the first time either of us said it. We had known each other for 8 weeks and 1 day. In that time we went on 10 dates totaling 166 hours in person.

Author's Note: Was it too soon?

Chapter 19: Serial Killer Face

Jul 28, 2018

July 28, 2018

Author's Note: Our next two dates felt relatively ordinary... probably because we didn't know they'd be the last two dates in this phase of our relationship...

Damien: Mornin' sunshine. Hope you have a good day! Time to finally finish these five pieces 😫

Diana: Good morning, Damien!!! ☀️ It's a good day to have a good day! Have fun finishing those five pieces :) May the Great Spirit of Furniture overtake you and fill you with immeasurable pride in your work haha

Damien: The Great Spirit of Furniture forgot her Immeasurable Pride Spell a week after I started my business 😑 Apparently she forgot the Poly Drying Spell too last night... so it's time to write until she remembers it! Luckily, The Great Demon of Writing has never forgotten a spell 📖 😈 He does ask for my sanity in return... but whatevs.

Diana: Haha oh no! She's got to get it together! Who needs sanity anyway?? Nobody cool

Damien: Bring a suit! No plans to swim... but it's summer!

Diana: Okie dokie 👙 I've got tons of summer spirit

Damien: Woohoo! Maybe we can get food and watch the sunset at the beach.

Diana: Sounds fun! So I was really excited because I was totally gonna be on time today but I have to drop my brother off somewhere so it will be later than 6

Damien: No worries : ) Just enjoy your time with him and I'll see you soon!

Damien: And drive safe

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Thank you!! 😂

Author's Note: Neither of us know how the hell we stayed up so late and so often in the early stages of dating... but there we were, date #11, walking around the city until 8am.

Author's Note: [image]

July 29, 2018

Damien: I hope church is going well and you're not too sleepy ❤️ Let me know you made it safely when you can! I hope you have a great reunion with your friend!

Diana: Hey! I feel a weird amount of energy right now so I'm in a good mood! Church was wild and I had a great reunion with my friend. Burgers were included and they were delicious!! 🍔 I hope your day is going just swell!!!! 🌟 I'm glad I got to see you. I appreciate how patient you are with how nonsensical or cagey I can be. I hope you know that you are truly lovely :)

Damien: It's that adrenaline kicking in : ) I'm so so so glad you got to see her! Will you be able to hang out one-on-one before she leaves? It can be hard sometimes without feedback... sometimes I feel like I'm being a positive presence in your life, sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard and annoying you. But like I said last night, your cageyness isn't a deterrent. The more I know, the more I like you. So I'm gonna keep working at it for as long as you let me ❤️ Make sure you get at least a little sleep today!

Diana: Thank you! :) Yes, she's here for two more weeks. Well, I will work harder to give you more feedback. Nah man. At this moment it's too late for sleep!! How's your Sunday going?

Damien: You're the best : ) My Sunday is fine! Took Maeves to the park for a bit, talked to B[redacted] about his boy thing, wrote for a bit (still re-reading the whole thing), and now I'm in the shop! Might try to see Mom tonight since it's been awhile! Any exciting plans tonight to burn off your inexplicable energy?

Diana: Aw I'm sure she appreciated that! Did she burn off the leftover energy from last night? Sounds like a good day! :) We're watching Thoroughly Modern Millie!

Damien: Hahaha yesss she's sleeping in the shop now. She was so spastic last night 😂 I don't know what that is! Is it good?

Damien: Also, I can't stop thinking about the way you kissed me at the beach 🌻

Diana: Haha good for her. She's a superstar Yeah it's very funny! It's a movie from the 60s with Julie Andrews and Mary Tyler Moore

Diana: :)

Damien: Ohhhh I knew it sounded familiar! I used to watch a bagillion old movies, and I do so rarely now and it makes me sad. Heading to [redacted] with B[redacted]. He got all motivated to go out, so I guess that's what I'm doing tonight!

Damien: Also, it is SO funny to watch how his first relationship is changing him. His empathy and awareness has skyrocketed in the last two weeks. Most notably, he keeps asking questions about you... keeps asking how things are going and if I still like you and being intentional about saying he likes you too, etc. He just reeeeally wants to tell me more about R[redacted] but has finally recognized he needs to show interest in my life too 😂

Diana: Woooo hoping you guys are having a Fun Night Out On The Town!!! Hahaha that's really interesting. That's good of him! Growth! Friendship! Haha even though you understand that his motivations aren't entirely pure, it must still be nice, right?

Damien: Believe it or not, I think his motivations have actually become pure. Maybe I'm being too generous considering how quickly the change seems to be happening, but I think he's realizing what it's like when somebody listens to you talk about a significant other, so he's being genuine too. There were a couple times he asked questions or referred to a previous conversation out of the blue without bringing up R[redacted]. Idk... but it's better than him rolling his eyes! ha

Diana: Yeah I believe it. Haha does he roll his eyes about things?

Damien: Rolling his eyes is an understatement. When I got back from our first date he said some forms of, "Who spends that much time together??" and "Don't get too excited, she's gonna leave eventually." I tell him stuff anyway because it doesn't actually bother me. But now he's been the exact opposite. I maaaaay have sent him a text telling him how great you are last week because I just needed to happy-vent. And his response was, "I understand that now." (I may have already told you that...) I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he can be a legitimate part of the conversation now. He's not bitter anymore that everyone else is dating except him... even though he always said he didn't care. Sorry about the walls of text. I'm home now and JUST 100% finished everything in the shop, so "you're the main attraction" now : )

Diana: Aw hahah that's funny and mean. It makes it all the more interesting to see character development. I love when people make small changes like this, I think it's way more intriguing than an entire life upheaval. People change the most when they gain or lose control Also no you didn't tell me that? That's nice Don't ever be sorry for the walls! :) I like to read everything you have to say.

Diana: Hey remember how we saw each other this morning !? Wild

Damien: 1. I'm having a dilemma with the ESFP. Uhg. 2. Thoughts on tomorrow? Don't prioritize hanging out with me over family or friends! But if you're free, I'll be around! 3. Hahahaha I drove downtown to meet B[redacted] and saw that LED scrolling sign and remembered I saw it with you this morning... freaked me out 😂 4. Too many thoughts at once. Numbering for convenience!

Diana: 1. Uh oh spaghetti-o. Is she okay? 2. Well, it turns out I have to stay with a dog over night, so unless you want to join me (...in the Revolution), idk if it will work out :/ 3. Hahaha that's awesome! Time isn't real! Memories are fake! Nothing has meaning!!! 4. I Love Numbers

Damien: 1. Yeah... she just sorta drunk texted me that she likes me more than friends... and—even if I wasn't dating you—I have absolutely zero interest. So now it's awkward and I can't shut her out completely because I'm watching her dog next week. And now the empathy thing is kicking in and I just want her to be happy but with literally anyone else 😫 It's hard too because I have done NOTHING to lead her on... and didn't even see this coming. Also, I've been in her position (way back in high school, haha) and it suuuucks. Blah. I have now lost all interest in hanging out... if you have any suggestions on how to handle this in the kindest way possible, I'd love to hear them. (Doesn't need to be over text rn!) 2. If you actually want me there, I'd love to. But I do NOT want to intrude on your job! Just be honest about what you want and I'll act accordingly : )

July 30, 2018

Damien: Mornin', sunshine. Hope you got some sleep without any bad dreams 🌻

Diana: Good morning!! It's a gr8 day to be alive. I hope you feel some Monday magic today!!! 🌟

Diana: 1. Here's what I would do if I were you: Don't address her interest unless she brings it up again. If she was drunk, maybe she didn't mean to let that slip. But do reaffirm your friendship (and that you are looking forward watching her dog) and gently state your non-interest either way. Ex: hit her with an "I'm glad to call you my friend, that's what I want in my life. Can't wait to watch [her dog]!". If she accepts that, then you can just act like nothing happened. And if you really don't want to be her friend anymore, then just gradually fade away. If you just disappear she'll know it was her fault.

Diana: 2. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it :) It would be a bit of a drive for you though!

Damien: It was closer to an all-out confession than a slip... that's my biggest worry. But your advice sounds very reasonable. That's what I'll do. Thanks so much 🌻🌺 You drive here all the time. It doesn't bother me at all : ) General timeframe? Also, I've had Sherry stuck in my head allllll morning 😑

Diana: Haha cool I love sounding reasonable! Good luck!!! Any time after 3. Woo!! We both know that's a banger. Sherrrrrry! Sherry baby! 🎵

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Hahahaha you didn't send him any smiling pics? How does one get good vibes from my serial killer face in #3??

Diana: I sent him the pictures where it's you alone! You know, I don't think I've ever seen you make that face in real life haha

Damien: I look like a murderer in all three! Cool. I need to buy lumber and get a head start on cleaning for Wednesday. I'll shoot for between 4 and 5!

Diana: Not all of them! Maevey really balances out the murder vibe haha Cool spicy hot! 👍 Have fun!

Damien: 🌺❤️🌻👍🦎

Damien: 30 points if you brought (Damien's first novel) and eyebrow fixers.

Diana: Eyebrow fixers 😂 I can do that but I can't bring [redacted], I left it at the house I nanny at :(

Damien: Still 15 points! Showering now!

Damien: Is 4:15 cool?

Diana: Cool cool cool

Damien: Heeereeee

Author's Note: Diana's journal entry from the date, a picture of Diana making muffins, and another one of Damien's notes about intimacy:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: Thank you for giving me reasons to dance the whole way home ❤️

Diana: You are so sweet and fantastic 💕 Thank you for blessing my day. I hope your deliveries go smoothly and you have some fun! Happy Tuesday ☀️

Author's Note: Little did Damien know, Diana was about to blindside him with new information about her life, and our entire relationship was about to change...

Chapter 20: The Whole Truth

Jul 31, 2018

July 31, 2018

Author's Note: The next few days of texting led up to one of the most important nights in our relationship. It began with the chaos of summer... Diana's friend "K" was in town, and Damien's friends "S" and "R" were on their way to visit. We were both excited to meet each other's friends... and Diana decided she would wait until everyone had gone to tell Damien the truth...

Damien: I looked at my schedule for August, and no camping for me from the 10th to the 19th : / I have the dog for the first four days (so I can see you but can't leave), then I go to Arkansas for 4-6 days. If you're all able to camp before or after that, I would love love love to go with you. If not, absolutely no worries.

Diana: You're a busy man! Sounds like it's gonna be a fun August for you :) But yeah, we can camp after that. L[redacted] doesn't even fly in until the 15th so it's all good 👍

Damien: I fell asleep! Did you call?

Diana: No I accidentally hit the button for a second haha! Did you have a good nap? :)

Damien: Haha okay! I think so? I worked in the shop for a bit, came upstairs for something... and then just randomly woke up! How are you feeling?

Diana: Hahaha accidental nap! Do you feel rejuvenated?? I've fallen asleep for a few minutes a couple times today too. So I'm a little sleepy haha but otherwise, good!

Damien: I do feel rejuvenated! Though I felt totally fine on my way home... total buzz. Also, my eyebrows are so much better!!! I completely forgot we did that and I just looked and they're not all different lengths anymore! 🦎

Diana: Oh for real?? Yay!!! :) I'm glad there's a noticeable (and positive) difference haha high five!

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Stirring all wrong.

Diana: Um I've never done anything wrong in my life, except the things I've done wrong, which do not include stirring

Damien: I'm trying to figure out a tentative schedule for August so my plans don't overlap. I'd very much like to go to church with you on Sunday the 12th. Is that still okay?

Diana: I would very much like that :)

Damien: Cool. Added it to my calendar ❤️ What time do you see W[redacted] tonight??

Diana: Yay!! I see him in like Two Hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damien: Woohoo!!!! And here is my nightmare.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh no :( I'm sending you all the best delivery vibes!! ✨✨ Adventure time! You're amazing!

Damien: Thank you thank you thank you 🌺

Damien: Hey. I am so excited for both of you. Your love for W[redacted] is one of the reasons I like you so much. Like we talked about yesterday, these are the moments you’ll look back on in ten years. THESE are the good ol’ days, and you’re living them Right Fucking Now. So bust out your Se function, find all the beauty in your time together, and eat up every goddamn moment. Don’t worry about texting me, but do remember the highlights so I can hear you laugh nonsensically about them later. And tell him I’m excited to meet him 🌻

Damien: I'm about to head to bed. Deliveries went well... I hope the girl finds and likes her hidden compartment : ) Thank you again for being so good to me, Diana. I fall asleep every night thankful for the time we've had together, and hopeful for more. I hope you're having a lovely evening with W[redacted]. You deserve it ❤️

Diana: I'm glad they went well. I'm sure she will love it!! You're incredibly sweet. Good night, sleep so well, and I hope you have some wonderful dreams tonight!! 🌜🌠

August 1, 2018

Damien: Good mornin' : ) Still with W[redacted], or working today? Either way I hope your day is amazing!

Diana: Good morning!!☀😁 Was with W[redacted], now I'm working. I hope your day is amazing also!!! You said M[redacted] and T[redacted] will get there late tonight??

Damien: Aww yay! Didja have fun?? They actually left at 5, so they'll probably be here around 6:30 or 7! I still need to get food for the house, finish cleaning, and exterminate the pixie infestation under my bed. Don't need my friends waking up to those little bastards.

Diana: Always!! We ran a druglord out of town and then took over his operation! And used the money to buy lots of pizza!! Wow I'm so excited for you!! 5 am is soo early, hope they're enjoying the drive. Haha it's important to feed your house and keep him pixie-free. I bet the pesky pixies will miss you though! Do you have Fun Things planned for tonight or just having fun catching up and friending it out?

Damien: The amount of Fun Things I have planned is unreal. To text you a list would break your phone. We'll probably just hang out here and catch up though!

Diana: Cool Spicy Hot!!! 😁 Thanks for not breaking my phone!

Diana: Tell me one Fun Thing on your list you're really looking forward to!

Damien: Gahhh I don't really have a list! Do I need one?! They're super excited about the kayaks, hot tub, and beach. Those'll take up at least a day... M[redacted] wants to finally meet my mom for some reason, haha... and we'll go see (Damien's brother) play either Friday or Saturday. Other than that... idk! 😬

Diana: Haha well that sounds funky fresh! Noo you don't need a list! But you just made one for yourself, so there you go! Haha you guys are best friends, it only makes sense for her to know your mom since you know her family so well. Don't forget to steal an entire lighthouse and sell it to China. That's always big fun, very [redacted]. You guys are gonna have a gr8 Party Time™! :)

Damien: Tell me one thing you loved about last night other than robbing druglords!

Diana: With W[redacted], everything has the potential for fun! There's so much to think and talk and laugh and feel about, whether it be analyzing the dynamic of having a new family member in extreme detail or being completely engrossed in watching a leaf fall from a tree like it's quality entertainment. It's been so long without him, I forgot how full and complex life is when we're together :)

Damien: 🌻💛 I love all of that so much. I'm so glad he's back!

Diana: :)

Damien: I think the closest I've come to that was making movies with B[redacted] in the woods, planning movies with R[redacted] at Denny's at 3am, or eating ice cream and swimming with M[redacted] during otherwise terrible times. Makes me happy to hear about it : )

Diana: Aw those sound like lovely friendship times. Gotta make more movies! And be sure to eat some ice cream with M[redacted] while she's here!

Damien: More movies would be awesome. They're just so much work!

Damien: I just spent $79 on food. We better eat all this!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Took the kids to the library so I had to check!

Author's Note: Damien's fourth book was on the shelf!

Damien: I have TERRIBLE news, Diana. Half of my bluetooth headset died so now I can only jam in half my ears 😫 ?!?!? Which library?! And why only [redacted] every time???

Damien: I think you should watch Game of Thrones someday. There is not a more interesting set of characters to dissect in all of literature or television. I've been listening to character/relationship breakdowns all day yesterday and today, and it's fascinating how deep George RR Martin went into their personalities, motivations, and symbolism. Just somethin' I was thinking about!

Diana: I'm SO SORRY about your headset. That's incredibly tragic :( It's the [redacted] Library! Idk I guess that's your most accessible one! I put it in the "recommended reading" section. Well good characterization and development is my most favorite thing. If you say I should, I will :) Have they arrived yet? Is it Party Time?

Damien: Omg you are amazing! I hope somebody reads it because it's there! It's a hard show to recommend because it can be tough, but the characters are sooooo good. Maybe we'll try it someday. Yes! They lied to me and said they had a flat tire, then showed up a few minutes later. We're about to get dinner at [redacted] where you and I went on our second date : )

Damien: It's the little differences that make me laugh... for example, they are freaking out about black squirrels? And they can't believe Meijer sells both beer AND liquor.

Diana: Haha aw that's a cute trick to play on you! And that's funny about Meijer and the squirrels!! That's stuff I wouldn't even think of. It sounds like you guys are having fun :) I hope the rest of the night is extra spicy hot.

Diana: Ajay sends his regards as well!

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Awww tell him I miss him SO much! We're having fun : ) Just went in the hot tub with B[redacted] and it wasn't too awkward! I wish you were here laying on the couch watching TV with me.

Diana: Cool!! "Not too awkward"!!! That's what I strive for in all my endeavors! What are you watching? :)

Damien: Deadwood. But I would put on something we both like.

Diana: Cool cool cool cool. Have you heard of Letterkenny?

Damien: Nope! What is it?

Diana: It's a Canadian sitcom. I've never actually seen it, but I have seen several clips, one of which I will send you now

Diana: https://youtu.be/9rSBmOgpcDE

Diana shared a link: Letterkenny | Season 1 | Opening (youtu.be)

Damien: Omg is the whole show that quick?? I love it. Do you have a way to watch it? Or should I download it?

Diana: Yes it is! 😂 I think it's on Hulu

Damien: If you still haven't seen it yet, we'll check out the first couple episodes next week : ) How was your evening, 1-10?

Diana: Haha okie dokie :) Hm a 6. What about yours??

Damien: It's been an 8 : ) How are you feeling physically tonight?

Diana: That's gr8!!!!!! I'm pretty exhausted haha

Damien: I'm sure. Get some sleep, sweetheart. I sooooooorta miss you tonight.

Diana: Okay, good idea. I might miss you too. Goede nacht 😘🌃😴

Damien: ❤️🌺😴

August 2, 2018

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Omg!! 😂

Damien: I would have been so confused if I didn't know you : )

Diana: You're welcome 👌

Damien: Are you heading to (Diana's hometown) soon? Or there already?

Diana: Not yet. Still working. W[redacted] is going to come get me around 6! :)

Damien: This is Jeff. He says hi.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hello Jeff the 87th!!!!!! Is he a thief or was he gifted with what looks like cheese?

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hahahaha I Love It

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Right where you park

Damien: Hey, I hope you have fun tonight and tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you lots. Take pictures of any cool memories (if you happen to stumble on any) and show me Saturday : )

Diana: Oh no!! That was obviously a poorly planned attempt on my life. Hey, thank you. I wish I could express my appreciation for you beyond just saying thank you. W[redacted] & I are partying hardcore over here in (Diana's hometown)! I hope you guys are having an absolute banger of a night!!!! :)

Damien: It was a lovely night : ) I won't tell you to sleep well since you probably won't sleep... so keep having a Funky Fresh Banger of a night with W[redacted]! You show your appreciation more than you know ❤️

August 3, 2018

Diana: 🌟💕🌻💣🤘🌺🍀🍒🌠☀🎈🎉✌

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Walking around [redacted] and reminded constantly we had a great first date. Hope your day has been as close to a 10 as possible 🌻

Diana: We did have a great first date :) When would be a good time to come? 6:66 pm? How was walking around [redacted]? See anything extra spicy? What are you guys up to now?

Damien: As early as possible without wearing yourself out! I've been a third wheel for two days. So literally anytime after 10 am, haha

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: MAEVEY YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!!! 🌟 Okie dokie 10:01 am it is. Just kidding it won't be 10:01. Probably like noon or 1 pm :)

Damien: 1. Between noon and one is 👍🐲🔥 2. M[redacted] saw your picture and is VERY excited to take your picture if you're comfortable with that, haha "Omg tell her to wear cool things!" idk what that means. 3. I want to hear all about your last few days asap, but for tonight, tell me one small detail that made you happy. 4. I am quite attracted to myself as a woman and I don't know how I feel about it.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: 1. Omg there's a dragon emoji 🐉🐲 !! I could have been using this so many times ?? 2. Cool things...okay I am going to wear a dress made of magic ice 3. Nothing makes me happy :) Just kidding there are so many things to be happy about. We went on a walk in the rain and it was cool to see how the town has changed in two years. Now you tell me a detail that made you happy!! 4. Omg you're soo pretty. I would totally hit on you. 5. I just got home! This is the first I'll be sleeping in my own bed since last Friday. I'm pretty fucking pumped

Damien: on the couch... eyes are slipping... glad you're home safe... im excited for tomorrow ❤️

Diana: Good night & sleep tight !!! 😘

August 4, 2018

Damien: Mornin' : ) 1. How did you not know?? You need to start using it in your emoji blessings. 3. Aww that's always fun! Yesterday, T[redacted] and M[redacted] were in the bed of the truck. I pulled up to the ice cream place because there was no parking, and they jumped out, got ice cream, then we met down the road, they jumped back in the bed, and we went to the beach. Felt like a quintessential summer moment. 4. Awww thanks ☺️ 😂 5. I hope you slept so well in your own bed! I crashed so hard while watching TV with them last night.

Diana: 1. I know!! The power of the dragon is immeasurable!! 3. Haha that's amazing. It's so Summer™

Damien: Oh shit, sorry Janet!

Damien: We're at the tiny [redacted] beach thing just hangin' out. Let me know when you have an ETA : )

Damien: M[redacted] thinks I have tiny ears and that's why I'm an attractive woman 😑

Diana: Eta 2:20

Damien: Cool. We're just eating lunch.

Diana: Okay I'm actually here now

Damien: Woohoo!

Author's Note: We had a great night at the carnival with Damien's friends, chatting, eating junk food, and taking pictures:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We returned to Damien's house exhausted. The friends went to bed and we stayed up talking on the living room floor.

Author's Note: Diana told Damien that there was something important she hadn't talked to him about yet... that she hadn't LIED, but she also hadn't told him the whole truth about her situation...

Author's Note: She was going back to school... in Utah... in 27 days.

Author's Note: Here's Diana's journal entry from that night, followed by Damien's Intimacy Moment:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: Despite the uncertainty, we made our relationship "official" that night. Neither of us wanted a long-distance relationship, but neither of us wanted to end things either.

Author's Note: Looking back, we both agree it was the best decision we ever made.

Author's Note: What does this mean for The Soft Archives? The next handful of chapters will be similar to these first 20... our full text messages, followed by descriptions of our in-person dates...

Author's Note: But after Diana leaves for school... our in-person dates become video chats... many of which were recorded.

Author's Note: So stick around 💛

Chapter 21: Telling Family

Aug 5, 2018

August 5, 2018

Author's Note: Our first day messaging as boyfriend and girlfriend. We cover A LOT, and Diana opens up just a little bit more...

Diana: Church is over now, here's a picture of the kids playing Red Light, Green Light. I'm excited for you to come next week. We'll all get LIT !! :)

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I did... I love that picture so much... I'm excited too.

Diana: It's good that you got some sleep!! :)

Diana: Have you heard of Explosions in the Sky?

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/5NdxiycRi3nP2v7RJoAJIT?si=MSDYXyx4T-Co4edj7F-EjA

Diana shared a link: Your Hand In Mine (open.spotify.com)

Damien: They make up a big part of my writing playlist. I love this song...

Diana: I felt like you would know & like that! :) That's what I'm listening to now.

Damien: Now me too.

Diana: This one is my favorite by them because it plays in a movie scene where you're supposed to cry and I always cry haha https://open.spotify.com/track/18GTPrzJDItA4C5a9jy763?si=eteqMMbuT2qs591hV3odhw

Diana shared a link: Remember Me As A Time Of Day - Remastered (open.spotify.com)

Damien: I know this one too... it's so good... listening now

Damien: I feel like there's a vacuum hose attached to my heart and life keeps flicking the switch on and off.

Damien: Who do I have to sacrifice to make it stop?

Diana: Uh oh spaghetti-o. That is not Funky Fresh :( This may sound harsh, but you already know who...

Diana: Jeff

Damien: Ha... fuck Jeff...

Diana: No don't say that. I'm gonna rewire the switch so life will stop messing with you

Damien: There's nothing I would like more.

Diana: Idk anything about electrical work but I will give it a go :)

Damien: I'll help. Maybe it'll work.

Diana: Team work!!! I believe in us!!!

Damien: I'm scared, Diana.

Damien: M[redacted] and T[redacted] are home. How the hell they made it in less than 12 hours... they must have only stopped once! I took a shower and feel better! Hope you're still having a good Sunday!

Diana: 💕💕

Damien: ❤️❤️

Diana: They're amazing. Super troupers™. I hope the drive was fun for them! I'm glad you feel better!! I totally fell asleep for a bit and now I'm visiting [redacted] with [redacted]! I hope the rest of your day is spicy hot. Or at least medium salsa :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: So far so good. Hope you have a fun time ❤️

Diana: Omg!!! Look at that medium salsa! It's fate!

Damien: Reminders for next time: -Watch (A short film Damien made in college) -Watch Diana Videos -Eat Pie -Talk About "Intimacy Stuff" -Figure Out Chicago -Find Time and Assassinate Him -Watch Isle of Dogs -Dance Like This:

Damien sent a video.

Damien: "Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live." -Calamity Jane, Deadwood

Diana: This is an excellent list, I love it. Especially the one about Time. I'm pumped to do all of it (except the pie may go bad before then)!! :) And I love the quote. Very cool and hot. It's all snazzy to the max What's a way you had to figure how to live today?

Damien: I'm sorry I forgot about the pie : ( We had just eaten when you came over and I thought we'd have more time when we got back. Thank you for being so damn thoughtful. I won't let it go to waste. Today I'm figuring out all over again how I can be good for others. I thought I knew, but it started slipping last night. I want to be the confident guy you met two months ago instead of a stupid kid worried about loneliness. I'm not sorry I slipped... you were so kind and reassuring... but I do want you to know that's not the new norm.

Diana: No need for an apology!! It's just bonus pie 👌 You are good for others. And you are a confident man, even if last night you weren't feeling that way. It's a strength to feel emotions and to be able to express them, not a weakness. I think you are great and I admire you, even/especially when you're "slipping".

Damien: ❤️❤️ At Mom's for a few... sleeping soon? I'll send more in a bit

Diana: Not bedtime yet. Check out this article title

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: About to leave... sleepy yet?

Damien: I'll respond fully in a bit!

Diana: https://youtu.be/KOOhPfMbuIQ

Diana shared a link: half•alive - still feel. [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (youtu.be)

Damien: almost home!

Diana: I got 30 seconds in & I want you to watch it too (not now just when you're bored)

Damien: dont fall asleep yet...

Diana: I'm so awake/woke right now I can see that the moon isn't even real wake up sheeple

Damien: Home! I'll watch in a few : ) I just had a bunch of things I wanted to tell you about... I'll type them out with numbers. Glad you're still awake!

Damien: 1. Two separate people drowned at the [redacted] Park today : ( 2. That headline is Gold and exactly something Leslie Knope would suggest. 3. Thank you for being so sweet about me "slipping." It's not that I'm uncomfortable crying in front of you... just that I don't want you to think I'm always like that. You are wonderful. 4. I talked to my Mom for a long time tonight... First, she really likes you and felt bad there were so many other people around. She literally apologized that she was so spacey... she was coming off her meds and felt bad she wasn't more talkative. I thought it was funny because you said virtually the same thing. She said she kept looking over at you and you had a very attentive look as if you were taking everything in and figuring everyone out, haha 5. I told her about Utah and how I've been feeling. I told her quite a bit more about you. When we were done, she said not to let school stand in the way. That was NOT was I was expecting based on every other conversation I've had with her about people I'm dating. Then she told me about her relationship with Dad... and basically described us exactly. She used the same words to describe him that you say to me. She said he was so kind and always gentle... and that everybody wanted to marry her but he made her feel "different." I thought that was interesting... 6. I hope so much that you had a fun evening. If anything exciting happened, I want to hear all about it ❤️

Damien: 7. I feel like I should be able to dance like them in the video you sent! If I can keep things understated, sorta. I love the video and song! Do I know them from anywhere else? The name sounds familiar. (I suppose I could look it up, ha...)

August 6, 2018

Diana: 1. Oh no. That's so sad. Next time I am there I will give them a moment of silence :( 2. I know and there's nothing about it that I don't love 3. No, you're an INFP now, they're known for being crybabies. Haha jk I know that you're not always like that and you are still very INTJ :) 4. I'm glad you were able to Chat It Up with your mom! Sounds like you covered a lot. I'm glad she likes me and sad that she felt bad. She was perfectly friendly and interesting, even more so now that you are telling me these things! I remember catching her a couple times and I wondered what she was noticing haha 5. That is very interesting. I'm happy that you can talk to her about your thoughts & feelings and she can offer her perspective. It makes sense that I see in you what she saw in him, you are his son! How do you feel about that comparison to him?

Diana: 6. We played this game called Dutch Blitz. Do you know it? I'm great at it. 👌 7. I really think you could! You're not as awkward as you think you are. But yeah, it's a Bop™. I don't think I've heard of them before so idk

Damien: 3. Hahaha, I'm just closer to that around you. But I'm not the first guy to say that to you either : P 4. Ha, really? That's funny. She was very sweet talking about you. 5. I've been compared to him a lot, which always feels good because everybody loved him.

Damien: 6. I haven't heard of Dutch Blitz, but feel like I should have! Ha. I'll look it up so you don't have to explain. I'm pretty sure you could kick ass at anything... do you think I'd be good at it? 7. I definitely think I'm as awkward as I think I am. But we do need to have more in-the-dark dance parties.

Damien: 6b. Looked it up. I'd be good at it ; )

Damien: I have no idea why, but you need some early 90s rock-alternative in your life today. Wonderwall has been memed to death, but this one is still a BANGER. Since you're no longer a chauffeur, use your newfound freedom to pay extra attention to YOUR needs. Take some Diana time! Write!! Ponder!!! Love yourself!!!! And may the spirit of Oasis follow you throughout your day ❤️ https://open.spotify.com/track/33DVI283GEGLBXAtJq9HJM?si=td0oI9WlRAm6c0Nv2JnJHA

Damien shared a link: Don't Look Back In Anger (open.spotify.com)

Diana: 4. Your mom seems like a sweet person in general. 5. That does sound like what I've said :) It is all very interesting. Remind me irl to talk about a relevant theory I only vaguely remember. 6. Haha thank you and yes, you totally would be good at it! I have no idea what it has to do with being Dutch but it's super fun. 7. Haha okay but most people are at least a little awkward when dancing. The critical difference is if it's endearing or weird (I think you're the former). But we will!!

Diana: You're so right, I need it. I already know and love that song though :) Haha nice use of the exclamation point!!! I will do those things but I've also got lots to do and I may still need to be a chauffeur after all! Good thing I can drive and ponder at the same time. Hope you had a great morning. Has it been raining where you are too? If so, I bless the rains in [redacted] to bring you good Monday vibes 🌧✨

Damien: 6. Probably some racist stereotype about Dutch people being cheap. 7. If I'm ever on the dance floor, the last thing I want a woman to think is that I'm endearing 🙄😂 Haha I figured you knew it! Especially since it was a plot point on Everything Sucks. If you're too busy for Diana time now, make sure you do it tonight, even if that means you need to shut out family, ENFP teens, and boyfriends for a bit. Yes rain! I love it, but I wish it was a real storm! Thanks for the blessing, beautiful.

Damien: Didja butt-dial me again?

Diana: The phone button is right by the search conversation button!!

Damien: Hahaha silly Android (or whatever you have).

Diana: 6. 😂😂 7. Well you still haven't been on a dance floor around me yet so who's to say what this woman would think! Oh yeah it was! That was a cute show. Haha thanks for your thoughtfulness. I'll see what I can do :)

Diana: What are you up to? Writing, building, staring dramatically out the window at the rain while listening to slow jams?

Damien: I put writing before building again... just finished so I'm changing clothes and heading to the shop. No jams today... only bops for the foreseeable future!

Diana: Cool, now it's time to Party shop-style!!! What's one of your bops for today?

Damien: Incoming bop for your scrutiny!

Damien: https://open.spotify.com/track/0FXsG6FLVIgOZfoymG91HD?si=adB9JORQRzioO5pKEbTZjA

Damien shared a link: Born Slippy (Nuxx) (open.spotify.com)

Diana: I'll scrutinize in a bit :) Cool title

Damien: Hey. I’ve been thinking about sex a lot since you told me about Utah : ) Would it annoy you if I sent some thoughts about it sometime today? Nothing you need to respond to!

Diana: No, the opposite of annoyance. Send away 👍

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: One of the people who drowned at [redacted] is the cousin of one of my high school friends. 20 years old

Damien: Holy shit, hon... that's so sad 😔 I knew there was a 20-year-old from Lansing... didn't consider there might be a connection. Geez, that's awful...

Diana: It's barely a connection, but enough for me to see the impact of that loss more than I expected to. Tell me something nice!

Damien: Something nice? Well, there's a gigantic sheep dog across the street right now! He's playing fetch with his human and his hair is flopping in every direction! Also, did you know swans can be gay? Also, I'm going to cover you with kisses the second I see you tomorrow : )

Diana: Omg that's three nice things!!! Thank you! I love that dog! And I did know about swans! Animals are cool and good!! 💕

Damien: Okay! Soooo you said you prefer talking about sex stuff in person, so—assuming college doesn’t end us—the next few weeks will be our last chance to talk things through! We’ll talk in person, but there are a few things I want to get out now so you have time to think about them : ) They’re super disjointed, so I’m gonna number them for ease, not because I expect you to respond to them! 1. Is this still a conversation you WANT to have? It seems like you’re interested when we're kissing, but I want to make absolutely sure. I never want to ignore the fact that you told me upfront that you’re asexual, or that penetration can be painful for you. 2. I do NOT need to have sex with you before you leave, or ever. That’s not why I want to talk about this stuff. My only goal is to take small steps toward making the idea of intimacy as beautiful for you as possible. It may not be my responsibility... it may not be something I’m even capable of... but as long as I’m your boyfriend, I’m going to search for ways to comfortably and lovingly share intimacy with you ❤️ 3. I think my anticipation fits ironically well with the demisexual stuff we talked about! It’s been a long time since I’ve felt a physical urge for intimacy, so I’m even more excited at the idea of exploring it with you : ) That’s all! You don’t need to respond. Just give me a thumbs up or something, then go back to our normal conversation ❤️❤️❤️

Author's Note: It's so interesting rereading these messages now. It feels borderline cringy without the entire context, but even today we both agree this sort of discussion was absolutely necessary for Diana's comfort moving forward. Damien had to communicate enough for the both of us. Talking about sex would get easier and easier with time, and looking back, we're so glad things played out the way they did... even if it felt awkward.

Diana: ❤️🐲🌻

Diana: I'm getting crushed in Mario Kart rn. Well not really, just my spirit. No matter how hard I try I'm always in 4th 😂

Damien: Awww, that means I'll probably smoke ya too.

Diana: Today you would. Tomorrow or any day after is another story. I Will Learn From My Mistakes And Become Faster, Stronger, Better 🏁🏎💥

Damien: Annnnd that's why we're gonna take over the world.

Damien: What's the slang term for "wide awake" that I can't remember and isn't showing up in any thesaurus?

Damien: WIRED. Never mind. Thank you.

Diana: What are you thanking me for? You answered your own question 😂

Damien: Thank you for being a person I can ask stupid questions!

Diana: That was a Very Important question

Diana: So my whole family knows about you now

Damien: Woohoo! What do they know? Do they like me? Hate me?? What did they say???

Damien: You never want to talk... 😂

Diana: I wanna talk!! We are talking!!

Damien: Hahaha I meant on the phone! I picked up and you hung up 😔

Diana: I didn't mean to call you! It was just my heart taking brief control

Damien: Wait... your heart wants to talk to me and you won't let it?

Diana: Haha of course she does!

Damien: Well let her dial sometime, weirdo. Now tell me about your family : )

Diana: Here's a moment that transpired: *(Family friend) lays down next to me on the beanbag* (Her brother): [redacted], she has a boyfriend and he'll beat you up! [redacted]: I'm not scared

Damien: Omg. What else transpired? I need to know these things.

Diana: You tell one family member, you tell 'em all 😂 My mom knows and she's accepted it. We actually had a real talk about you today

Damien: Whoa... that's a big step. Are you happy with the way the conversation went?

Diana: It was necessary. She got really upset at me yesterday over little things and we had a huge fight. Turns out she was hurt that I kept so much from her and is sad that I'm leaving

Damien: Ohhh hon... I'm so sorry : / It's gotta be hard for her... Are things patched up now?

Diana: It's alright, it just be like that sometimes. Yep, patched up now 👍

Damien: Haha, if you say so 😬 Anything else notable that you told her? Or any interesting replies? Then I'll quit bugging you for details. Cross my heart.

Diana: Yes and I'll be able to communicate all the details to you better irl. If you still want to come to church with me, you'll have to meet them. Are you prepared for that?

Damien: You're worth it.

Damien: If you want to back out, I'll totally understand. And tell me whatever you want irl.

Diana: (Sister) told me she knows when I'm texting you because I smile and put my hair up in a bun. May or may not be accurate.

Damien: I'll do my best to be worth all this effort. Aww, observant like her sister! And I love that so much.

Diana: Boy telling people things is exhausting haha how do extroverts do this all the time

Damien: Uhg. I have no idea and I don't want to think about it, haha

Diana: So guess what I did yesterday

Diana: I totally dropped my phone in the ground and cracked the screen

Diana: *on

Damien: Diana Jane!

Damien: You need a real case, dork!

Diana: I Live On The Edge

Damien: You crazy. If you lose that phone, I'm goooone.

Diana: I've never lost my phone!! Also it's fine because I have a handy dandy screen protector so I'm not that irresponsible

Damien: Tell me the best part about your day.

Diana: But my headphone jack doesn't fit if I have a case on my phone and music is more important!!

Damien: I have a case and headphone jacks work fine : P

Diana: Good for you!! But these headphones don't and I'm too emotionally attached to them at this point to change. But the best part of my day was eating some goat cheese & crackers and watching the Office. That episode where Stanley yells at Ryan 😂 What was the best part of your day?

Damien: "Boy, have you lost your mind, 'cause I'll help you find it!" What time frame are you thinking tomorrow? I need to work in the shop 'til noon, then I'm free : )

Diana: Well I work until about 5 so some time after that!

Damien: Woohoo!

Diana: I'm excited :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Another 30 in the shop and bed for me and Maeve too.

Diana: HELLO MAEVEY YOU'RE GLORIOUS And you're cute too. That paintbrush really heightens your look 👌Should be a permanent accessory

Damien: And sunglasses. Even at night.

Diana: So Hot

Damien: I got the wedding itinerary today. The best man got an AirB&B for the time we're there. The bachelor party is going to be a game of Dungeons and Dragons 😂😂 It'll be fun, but I reallllly wish it was a week and a half later.

Diana: Time is always so inconvenient. So rude. But wow, that will be lots of fun!! I'm happy you're gonna party hard with your friends! You can d&d it up so hard now that you know your alignment

Damien: I forgot what I was the second time... chaotic good?

Damien: And yeah, Time is a dick.

Diana: You got neutral good, although I think technically you were tied. Let's kick him!!!! Seriously I feel personally attacked by the passing of time. I need some vengeance

Damien: Ah, that makes sense! Yeah... he makes me mad...

Diana: I wish I could crack the mental code that would help me process time as if it's slower. It always seems to be slipping through my fingers and it isn't even real

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Time to shower. Time slows down for one of my protagonists whenever he sees the girl he likes. And time plays a big role in the sci-fi book. And I have an idea for a book where somebody can control time... but in a new way. It's a big theme.

Diana: She's beautiful!!! That's so interesante, I'd love to see that played out. Haha I'd love to read and hear all your thoughts on time, I find that endlessly intriguing

Damien: Time is not linear. It's a point that contains all information at the very same moment. But our brains are too basic to comprehend that, so they view the universe as if it progresses in a straight line. Or something. 🤯

Diana: Mhmm talk Time to me, so sexy spicy. Is it getting hot in here? Or is it just the heat generated from my brain trying to comprehend time?

Damien: Heat is an Illusion™ Go to sleep, sweetheart. You've gotta be tired.

Damien: Unless you didn't take your pill, then you're WIRED.

Diana: Oh shit. What is even real, Damien?? No haha I took it & I'm almost sleepy enough

Damien: Only our consciousness. It's the only thing we know for certain.

Damien: (Well, MY consciousness. I don't know about anybody else's.)

Diana: No you're not real

Damien: Yes I am. I'll prove it.

Diana: How?

Damien: By kissing your neck verrrry slowly. Then you'll believe.

Diana: Oh yes that sounds like definitive & scientific proof

Damien: ❤️

Damien: I just realized the dragon is just Larry all growed up 🦎->🐉

Diana: Omg!! I'm so proud of him for graduating to the big leagues

Damien: Come cuddle and watch Malcom in the Middle with me please

Diana: Oh well I can't say no when you say please

Damien: Good. Cuddling you is 💣

Diana: I love bombs

Diana: Let's blow things up tomorrow

Damien: k

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: 😁💕👌

Diana: PARTY

Damien: 😈❤️🔥

Diana: I can't wait to see you tomorrow

Damien: Really?

Diana: I want to be with you

Damien: You will be, sweetheart. All evening.

Diana: You're so lovely

Damien: I'm lovely to you because you're good to me.

Diana: No you're lovely for who you are not just how you treat me

Damien: Wherever it comes from, the loveliness is yours for as long as you want it.

Diana: I'm so happy to be with you

Damien: We're good together. It feels right.

Diana: I'm so glad. I feel very sappy right now 💕

Damien: You're so rarely sappy. I love it.

Damien: Good night, Diana Jane. Sweet dreams ❤️

Chapter 22: Hickeys, Astrophysics, and 🦋s

Aug 7, 2018

August 7, 2018

Diana: Good!! Morning!! Happy!! Tuesday!!!

Damien: Mornin' sunshine! 🌺

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: That's one of those phrases that's about to get stuck in your head. Hahahaha hurray for Libertarian memes!

Diana: Haha you know me so well. Oh that reminds me of a song, I'll send it you Hell yeah!

Diana: https://youtu.be/FJ66D7TcEWU

Diana shared a link: Will Joseph Cook - Girls Like Me (youtu.be)

Damien: I love that guy so much with his wigs 😂 Also, I've been jamming to Electric Guest while writing!

Diana: Right? Style Icon™!!!! Any other songs that stand out? Oh Devil?

Damien: Nope. It's the fact that they don't stand out yet that makes them good for writing!

Damien: Once I start to recognize a song, I need to switch it up, haha

Diana: Ahh okay nice I understand that

Damien: How are the kiddos today?

Diana: Running rampant on a murder spree

Diana: The six year old has a fire in his eyes and an ache in his heart only homicide can satiate. The other two just like to go with the flow

Damien: Those are the opening lines of a short story. Write it.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: The shit I look up...

Diana: 😂😂😂 amazing

Damien: Results: "Dandelion," as in, "I'm going to give my boyfriend a dandelion for his birthday." Pictures of cleft palates are sad. Crack smells "sweet, like burning styrofoam."

Diana: Huh never heard that. Gross but I guess it kinda makes sense Who woulda thunk. Wow I'm learning so much!

Damien: If I retained everything I researched, I'd be a mastermind of all things psychological, scientific, and perverse. But I forget everything when the book is finished : (

Diana: Haha well then you gotta work on your retain and recall!! We've got a world to dominate, remember??

Damien: I absolutely do. Help me! I want to a worthy world-dominating partner.

Diana: Haha we'll put it on the To Do List! :)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: You're everywhere!

Diana: Hahaha I love it!! The world needs more usage of "funky fresh"!

Damien: Wanna help me find a groomsman shirt that might double as a church shirt?

Diana: Of course. Just need to a find a plain white button down dress shirt that fits you and boom you've got a shirt for all formal, semi-formal, and business occassions.

Damien: I hate all those words, but I will practice liking them for you.

Damien: Actually... I just need black pants and a white shirt. I have a bunch of white shirts... will you help me see if any of them fit and look good? I tried before church last time, but they all seemed bad to me...

Diana: You don't need to like them, just a basic understanding will do. Of course I will help you :) Fashion show!!!

Damien: You're the best.

Damien: Come see me

Damien: Guuuurl what time you thinkin'?

Diana: I'm leaving in 5 mins

Diana: :)

Damien: Excited : )

Diana: Here :)

Damien: Ho

Damien: oops

Damien: Hi* not Ho

Author's Note: [image]

August 8, 2018

Damien: I'm so confused. Am I immune to hickies? I feel like you were kissing pretty hard... and nothin'!

Diana: No, you're not immune! I haven't been kissing you like a vacuum haha and hickeys form from suction

Diana: Haha do you want one ?

Damien: I know how hickeys are made 🙄 (but obviously not how they're spelled 😂) Hahaha I dunno... it's super trashy, but I'm a little trashy... so maybe?

Diana: Hahaha alright next time 💋

Damien: Chicago: anytime between August 20 and 31. See if you can find a full day that doesn't get in the way of work, camping, or saying goodbyes!

Diana: I'm pretty any weekday of the last week in August will work :)

Diana: Haha *pretty sure

Damien: Okay! Did you say Mondays are best? We could do the 27th. Also, I don't want to take you away from family or friends in the last few days before you leave.

Diana: No worries, any day that week would be great because no nannying or family (school)! 👌

Damien: Haha okay, perfect!!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: Here's a star wars meme for you

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You wouldn't be able to tell if I dropped lasagna on my shoes. Hahahaha how did you know I love Star Wars memes??

Damien: You're the first person I've called "girlfriend" who didn't come with voices telling me to run. This is nice.

Damien: I'm not sure when you're talking with your mom, but I'll be thinking about you! Try to be kind... and tell her I'm excited about the possible double date and church on Sunday ❤️ And let me know how it turns out.

Diana: I'm so glad there are no voices (at least not the ones urging escape). I hope they stay gone. I feel happy being your girlfriend :) Thank you for your support. I'm home now and I apologized. First step down!

Damien: 🌺🌺🌺 Thanks for letting me know!

Diana: Hope your day has been automatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh so far and continues to be!! 🌟

Damien: Shop, then writing, then back to the shop, then back to writing... Gotta go back to the shop one more time in an hour, then relaxing. Hope your evening is happy and drama-free!

Diana: You're such a good J!! Have fun!! Please express my adoration to Maevey sometime. She's The Superstar

Diana: Tell me if you like this song or find it annoying https://open.spotify.com/track/4VSDGgNKnvln23aPjX6Pgn?si=zyfAZfuuRYGZ7nilwKKVyQ

Diana shared a link: Lay-by (open.spotify.com)

Damien: Are you annoyed by the open-car-door ding? I listened while writing and forgot about the sound a few seconds in... and I like the rest!

Diana: I'm not annoyed, I really like it, it's a good background song. I like when they incorporate the laughter. But everyone I show it to is annoyed by the car door ding so I just wondered

Damien: Not annoyed. Apparently this is now my writing playlist for the day!

Diana: Everything is good with my mom 👍 Double date Saturday?

Damien: So so so so so glad! How many lies did you have to tell? ; ) Saturday works! Gah... I am so relieved... I really don't want to start things off on the wrong foot with your family!

Damien: Tell 'em we should go bowling

Diana: Only the ones I already told 😂 Sssh. She's excited to meet you :) Are you being real right now ?

Damien: As real as lettuce is delicious

Damien: I'm such a middle-schooler rn. I had this vague recollection that you called yourself my girlfriend today so I scanned our last few texts, found it... and 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋 attack. Why am I like this?

Diana: Aww haha you're so cute and sweet 😘

Damien: 1-10, how are you feeling physically tonight?

Diana: Somewhere between a 5 and a 6 👍 Pick two colors to describe your day!

Damien: Is 5-6 pretty normal? Do you feel better or worse at different times of the day? Pink and navy blue. You?

Diana: 11:11 make a wish!!!!!! 🌠🌠

Damien: MADE ONE : )

Diana: 6 is the usual I'd say. And yeah I feel worse in the mornings and better at night! Totally fell asleep accidentally a few times today. Were you tired too? Interesante!! Hm I think rose pink and coral.

Damien: Hmm... very good to know. Thanks : ) Strangely, didn't sleep and never felt tired. I'll probably crash hard in a bit though. If you're not falling asleep, ask me one of the questions on your new sheet! Something that doesn't require too much elaboration : )

Diana: If you could wake up tomorrow with a PhD, what would you like it to be?

Damien: Quantum Mechanics, Neuroscience, or Machine Learning. You? Other than Psychology or Neuroscience?

Diana: Those are great picks 👌👌 Idk chemical engineering would be interesting & profitable! Linguistics or political science would be cool but less useful.

Damien: Ohh Chemical Engineering would be cool! Political Science tho... uhg 😂

Damien: Also, I would have picked Neuroscience before I met you. But now I have another reason to like it.

Diana: It would! Statistics might also be interesting. Constant analyzing? Yes please. Haha I saw your neuroscience book! :) I like that you were already interested in it

Damien: Haha, that's just a dollar-bin book about the brain. Also, it's important to know now that the book I'm working on is by far the most far-fetched, haha. When you told me what you were studying... 😍

Diana: Still cool! Usually when I say I'm studying neuroscience the conversation ends with them saying "oh wow!". Your book does sound pretty ambitious but it will be soo spicy!!!

Damien: At least I know about Phineas Gage and a few other things! It's way too ambitious... and all based on a completely bullshit concept 😂 But I think I make it sound believable.

Damien: Good night, Diana ❤️

Author's Note: That evening, Diana took a screenshot from a conversation with her friend "K" 😂

Author's Note: [image]

August 9, 2018

Diana: Good morning, handsome :) Have a bitchin' Thursday!

Damien: This is my "I slept until 11:30" face

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Astrophysics* That would be my number one. Also, I picked those because magical hypotheticals are the closest I'll get to being truly educated in those things 😂 Sorry... shower thoughts 🌺

Diana: Haha it's a great face!!! Astrophysics would be amazing. In some alternate universe, you're a very educated astrophysicist. Um also, please no apologies for sharing thoughts. I want to hear them.

Damien: I love how you brought up alternate universes while talking about astrophysics : D I have to do a third coat on the damn table and push it back a day : ( Uhg.

Diana: Oh I'm sorry! The table just wasn't ready to be finished, he wanted to spend more time with you!

Diana: Guess what I did today! I read (Damien's second novel)!

Damien: Whaaaaaaat!! I know it's short, but you already finished??

Damien: How was it? Too fucked up?

Diana: Yeah I had a few hours at work while they were watching TV today!! And I liked it! Interesting plot, complex characters, easy to follow, gives you something real to chew on. But honestly I feel like (First novel) was more fucked up. I really like that this story had more of a resolution, although still open.

Damien: ❤️ It's so funny that my favorite part to write is the ending and people always think they end too fast, hahaha. Usually I get the same response to (Second novel), so I'm glad you liked it! I never want to wrap things up completely... the reader should do that themselves. Let me know if there's anything else that stood out as good or bad! And I want to hear more detailed thoughts in person or on the phone sometime : )

Damien: You're flying through these... if you read (Fifth novel) next, know it's my weakest book!

Damien: Also, I need 2016 slang for "crazy" other than "whack." No rush ; )

Diana: Wild. Also whack is a verb, wack is an adjective.

Damien: I literally just did a find-and-replace to change them from wack to whack. Apparently I knew the right spelling and forgot, ha

Damien: And thanks! : D

Damien: Hmm... what about a word with a darker connotation? Does one exist? Wild seems like fun crazy.

Diana: I do have more thoughts that we'll discuss irl :) and I probably will read (Fifth novel) next. I'm gonna save the (Fourth and longest novel) for when I'm gone. Idk if there is slang for that. People would probably just say fucked up. People said things were problematic. Or sus (as in suspicious).

Damien: 🌵 The table is still bad after the third coat and I'm supposed to deliver tomorrow at 1. More coats won't fix it... I either give them a messed-up top or I build a completely new table. I'm stressing

Diana: 💖🌠🌺💪💕🌟🌻❤✌🍒💓😘💫🍀💝

Damien: ❤️

Diana: I'm sorry about the table, Damien. What do you think you'll do?

Damien: Thanks, hon... it's just frustrating. Honestly, I think I'm just gonna risk it. If they say something, I'll apologize, start from scratch, and sell this one for a reduced price. It's likely they won't think it's a problem, idk... I'm just going to be anxious until 2 tomorrow. Sorry for being a downer tonight! Thanks for being sweet.

Damien: Just took a couple Benadryl. If I crash, I hope you're having a super amazing radical night 🦎🌺

Diana: That makes sense! I'm sure it will all work out. I'll be sending good energy out into the universe for you haha I just got back from a night with friends. Pretty radical. If you've already crashed, I hope you're sleeping so well and have sweet dreams.

Damien: Still mostly here : ) Did you have a good time?

Diana: Yep :) Totally killed everyone in Dutch Blitz. Watched the movie Warrior. Have you seen it?

Damien: Damn... I need to learn that game now if you're that good. After seeing you play Heads Up the other night... I'm pretty sure we'd make a damn good team. My #1 relationship goal Hmm... I don't think so! Lemme look it up...

Damien: Nope!

Diana: Haha you should, it's fun. Give me some competition!! And I think we would be good teammates too. Yeah it's a dramatic fighting movie, so everybody was really surprised that it was lightearted, innocent [redacted] favorite haha

Damien: There's a game for the Switch where you have to work together to solve puzzles. I bet we'd be good at it. But I will gladly take you down in non-team games : ) I've heard of it and like Tom Hardy, but I've never seen it! And that's funny that she loves it 😂

Diana: Sounds fun! Teamwork! Puzzles! Neat-o! We should play more games. I wanna see your skillz :) Haha yeah. Too bad you havent seen it, there are some thoughts I had during it that I wanted to talk to you about.

Damien: Yes more games. Are there any cool phone games for long distance? Well damn... that makes me really want to see it now. You can still explain things!

Diana: I'm sure there are lots! Words with Friends is one people talk about haha It's not life-changing or anything. I just remember watching it and thinking I wanted to talk with you during certain points. Can't even really remember specific things. Maybe I just wanted to talk you period :)

Damien: Well let's find games we can play together before you leave. I like that you find things to talk about during movies. So very much! And I like that you like talking to me about them : ) A few messages from you and my night is already so much better... thank you.

Diana: Okay good idea. You're so smart. And fun to talk to about movies. I'm glad I can improve things. What else can I do?? :)

Damien: The only other thing you can do is to make sure you text me 45 minutes after you take your pill. That always makes me so happy : ) Oh! Will I see you before the double date?

Diana: Well we are approaching that! If you would like to, then yes of course :)

Damien: Good timing. Me too. I would always like to. When were you thinking?

Diana: I don't know. Maybe I can come see you tomorrow night. Or maybe just sometime before 6 pm (that's when mom wants the double date to happen).

Damien: Don't come if you could get in trouble. If you're sure it's okay, definitely : ) I can always head that way too, remember! And 6 works for me. I really really hope it goes well...

Diana: Great! I think it will :) I feel good about it.

Damien: I think it'll be great. I would have total confidence if the stakes weren't so damn high.

Diana: Yeah the stakes are So High. If there's even one hitch, the Demon of Social Discord will spit on you and the Angel of Parental Disapproval will slice your head clean off where you stand.

Damien: Psh. I can handle any of that. But the stakes are having a relationship with your family that lets me have a healthy relationship with you. Way bigger than losing a head.

Diana: Haha you're wonderful and they will see that. I'm not worried about the impression you'll make on them.

Diana: Not at all

Damien: ❤️ I'm excited to know your mom.

Diana: She's a Character™ haha. I really appreciate how eager and kind and enthusiastic you are about this & everything else

Diana: I feel less weird about things with you. You're just easy :)

Damien: I'm enthusiastic about us, and that includes everything that comes with it. I'm so glad. I don't want to be draining for you in any way.

Diana: You're so good. You're a breath of fresh mountain air. Hey I want you to see the mountains in Utah

Damien: We're both good. And I would fucking love that. I loved the mountains in LA so much. I miss the hikes. Do you have favorite trails?

Diana: I don't think so. I want to go with you on all the cool hikes. Let's go up really high and party

Diana: 🏔💕🏞🎊

Damien: Yes yes yes. Maybe I can finally use my damn hammock. I will go as high as possible with you!

Diana: Okay we will :) So high. Everything is a party with you. You're so fun

Damien: We will bring the speaker but only play it when people aren't around so we're not assholes. And fruit and cheese for a picnic. Already excited.

Diana: Wow that sounds like the perfect time!!!

Damien: : ) Can't wait

Diana: Are you watching Malcolm in the Middle before you sleep ?

Damien: You know me 😂 What are you doin'? Am I destroying your phone Netflix time with notifications?

Diana: Yay I love being right. No more Netflix, I'm just listening to music. V sleepy

Damien: Go to sleep, hon. You made my night so much better. Someday you will be able to tell me when you're sad and I will return the favor.

Diana: Okay good idea. I'm glad. I want to make all your nights better. You're so lovely. Good night, sleep tight 🌜🌟 I'll be dreaming of you

Damien: Good night, sweetheart. I'm excited to see you ❤️❤️

Chapter 23: "Peace, Just By Existing"

Aug 10, 2018

August 10, 2018

Damien: Morning, sunshine! It's a beautiful day today : ) I hope you wake/woke up happy and refreshed.

Damien: I put the table on the truck and underestimated the heat and poly dryness... and came out to leave and found a bubble coming from one of the knots 😔 I refunded $50 and apologized... I hate this.

Diana: Oh no! :( I'm sorry, that's not spicy or bitchin'. 💕💕

Damien: I'll be fine! Gonna make myself write and not think about it. Do I still get to see you tonight? : )

Diana: I know you will :) Write it up!! Wooo!! Party with words! Yes, we get to see each other tonight!

Damien: That cancels out all the sad : ) Bring (Damien's third book) and maybe a suit just in case.

Diana: Okay will do! 👍

Damien: What time frame you thinkin' tonight?

Diana: Be there around 7!

Damien: Perfect. Have you been craving anything specific I should buy at the store? Cake? Fruit? Love Potions?

Diana: Fruit cake love potion!!!!

Damien: Don't joke, 'cause I'll find one.

Damien: I take that back. I'm too tired to find one.

Diana: You'd be unsuccessful anyway. Fruit cake love potions were recalled back in '09. Too potent

Diana: Here :)

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We had cake in bed at 10 PM, then met a cat Diana named "Avacado" at 1 AM:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: We have two random pictures from Diana's phone from the next morning... possibly to remember how much fun we had?

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: According to our notes, Diana left Damien's at 1 PM the next day, and Damien would meet her family and friends at her house only a few hours later!

August 11, 2018

Damien: Diana, what do I wear?! 😫

Damien: Also, planning to leave in 30. Let me know if you want more time! And send address : )

Diana: No stress. [redacted] will be wearing his work uniform. Just put on shorts and not-ratty t-shirt. Maybe one of the grey shorts bc I've never seen you ear them and your green shirt. Whatever! :) Perfect! The address is [redacted]

Damien: You made a specific, polite, and insanely helpful decision. May the Seven Gods smile upon you until your final day. I'll let you know when I leave!

Diana: I'm glad! :) Okie dokie!!

Damien: My green shirt is dirty and none of my other shirts go with my grey shorts 😔

Diana: That's alright! Pick something else you like :)

Damien: ❤️ Finally leaving! 4:18. Is this your house? What am I walking into? haha

Diana: Cool cool. It's an apartment complex, although not planning to be there. I was thinking that we (as in us & W[redacted]) could go on a nature walk in a little reserve that's close by

Damien: Ah, okay cool!!!

Damien: 5 mins!

Diana: You're so punctual

Damien: Where u at

Diana: Dead

Diana: Do you see my car? I'm in the trunk

Damien: Damnit not again

Damien: Why does this always happen

Diana: For fun

Damien: I'm sitting in my truck until you give me instructions, lol

Diana: Perfect

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: The dinner with Diana's family went well, and afterward, Damien finally got to meet her best friend "K."

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: Spotify always knows https://open.spotify.com/track/0KKist1jJYO17nOqtO1sb2?si=J-bu6yUCRY6j-ubIyRc1FA

Damien shared a link: Kick Drum Heart (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Drive safe! Text me when you're home! 💕

Damien: Home! Still awake?

Diana: Yay! Yep.

Damien: 🌺 Thank you for telling me things that are hard to say 💛 Thank you for introducing me to your family 🐉 I'm excited about tomorrow🦎 I'm excited about Monday 🌻 I love you ❤️

August 12, 2018

Diana: So I had this message typed out last night and never sent: I had so much fun with you today. You are so thoughtful and interesting and wonderful!! I am excited too. I'm just happy to be with you 💕

Damien: ❤️❤️❤️

Damien: Hmm.. where's the church? lol

Damien: Uh oh, wrong address or something... I'm 5 away now!

Damien: Here!

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: Home! I would love to see you tonight, but if you're exhausted, want to see W[redacted], or need a break from me, no worries 💛 Otherwise we can cuddle and watch funny things. I had so much fun with you this afternoon. It was so nice to be casual and hang out with family. Also, your sister is an absolutely wonderful human and I will play games with her anytime.

Diana: I would love to as well, but I don't think I can make that happen :( I'm really glad that you came today, thank you. I love spending time with you. You totally crushed Wizard :)

Damien: No problem at all, hon. I've been very lucky to see you as much as I have. Thank you for putting in so much effort to hang out before you leave. Wizard was fun. I want to play all the games with you.

Diana: Haha we will play All The Games!! I asked [redacted] & my mom for feedback. They said they didn't expect me to be with a quiet introvert but can see that I'm happy with you, [redacted] said you seemed shy and didn't talk much but she liked that you were eager to help and play games, and Mom said that she appreciates that you are kind and treat me well & that it's very apparent that I like you. They also said you are handsome and the girls who are over told me you're a "real looker" and "nice job".

Damien: Hahaha awww... I try not to be quiet, but I'm bad at it sometimes. It's not really shyness... I'm not uncomfortable or anything... just don't always know what to say. I'm glad it was positive overall, though. I hope I can get to know them more, and to get to know you more through them. I know how absolutely stupid this sounds, but I legitimately miss you right now.

Diana: I never thought you were shy. I think they're just used to loud people, and [redacted] is an extrovert herself so there's that. You were kind and engaged :) I know that they want to get to know you more too. I honestly miss you too.

Damien: Busy a week from tonight? I'll be home around 8 hopefully... otherwise I'll make myself flexible until you're free 🌻

Damien: We don't need to plan a week early, lol... just know you're invited the night I get back if you're not busy. It is so hot in the shop 😫

Diana: Let's plan a week early! I'll see you the night you get back :) Uh oh spaghetti-o. 🎵 It's getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes! 🎵

Damien: : ) : ) 🎵 I am. Getting so hot. 🎵

Diana: 🎵I wanna take my clothes off!!! 🎵

Damien: 😈 I will give you $1000 and 18 points for a picture of you in your Coke shirt and underwear before you leave. Also, just pictures of us... as cheesy as that is.

Damien: AND I kept Maevey in my room instead of the shop the whole time I was gone today, and still no accidents! Maybe I can finally start to keep her in the house again... at least a little at a time : )

Diana: Wow money AND points?? Expect that in 2-15 business days. Oh that reminds me! Here. Go Maevey!! She is a Good Girl™!!

Damien: Thank you thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

Diana: You're so sweet. I can't think of any other would for it! I've been trying! I'm thankful you want to be in my life and I'm so glad to have you.

Diana: This is what cameras were made for

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Thought that was me for a hot sec 😂 My camera looked almost like that too

Diana: It is you. Alternate dimension #3852.

Damien: Two days ago from a friend. I'm everywhere.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: The smoothest fucking coat of polyurethane I've ever created.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: #beagoodexample

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: 1) You need to track down all these doppelganger and have a party or something. 2) She looks LOVELY!!!! Good job! The smoothest table this side of the Mississippi. 3) Cool!! Somebody was paying attention :) 🕯

Diana: 4) So like an hour ago, [redacted] bursts in the house and drags me outside like "Diana Diana FOLLOW ME AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS". He just wanted to show me the sunset. He told me he was racing the sun home ("and that bitch was dropping fast") so he could make it in time. Check it out!!

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Awww super pretty!!! I totally missed it!

Diana: It's more than super pretty. It's Super Pretty™.

Damien: Diana I am So Sleepy™. Come cluddle

Diana: Here I come 🚗🚂🚃🚜🚲🚤🛩🚀🚁

Damien: I'll get another cake. omg I said cluddle

Diana: Oh well if there's a cake involved I'll be there in 47 minutes

Damien: Nooooo jokes

Diana: *Oh well if there's a cake involved that makes me wish I could come even more

Damien: ❤️ What time are you thinkin' tomorrow?

Damien: I don't need an exact time... just ballpark : )

Diana: You don't mind coming back here for the third day in a row?

Damien: Diana... if I got to spend autumn and winter with you, I'd take things slow. But for the next couple weeks, if you're not spending time with family, time with friends, or time for yourself, I'd love to be with you. I don't care how far I have to drive.

Diana: Okie dokie :) They said meet at a place called [redacted] at 2 pm. Will that work?

Damien: Yep. Want me to meet you there or pick you up somewhere?

Diana: I want you to meet me halfway to hell in 17 minutes so we can Fuckin' Party™

Damien: I'll be there

Diana: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👍👍👌!!!

Diana: But actually please pick me up so we can spend more time together

Damien: I'm exhausted, but if you wanna party, I'm ready to go 🐲🔥 Just say when and where.

Diana: Haha rest up, we will party later. Tomorrow, in fact. Whenever and the trash can on the corner of 76th and Wilson. Just kidding. Probably at my home.

Damien: I'm actually hanging out with my aunt and uncle who I haven't seen in a couple years. Totally random... heading back home to crash in a few, ha

Diana: Hey that's awesome!! Enjoy those last few!! :)

Damien: They're just got in to town and are going to bed. Just thought I'd see them for a few. Heading home now. You have 46 points so far. This one is worth 5: If you could give one of your siblings a-hundred-million dollars that they can’t share with other siblings, who would it be?

Author's Note: This was part of Damien's list of questions to get to know Diana better. You can see the whole list in Chapter 14!

Diana: That's fun and nice :) Only 46? I could over think this but I'm gonna go with my instinct. I would say [redacted], she is the least materialistic and selfish of the three. I feel like she would do a greater amount of good with the money.

Diana: That's a super interesting question. Good job

Damien: You've been doing all easy questions so far. Now 51 : )

Diana: Wooo 51!! Moving up.

Damien: I'm going to crawl in bed and let you relax. Thank you for being amazing. I have run out of words for how much I like getting to know you. I'm trying to reach 20% before Utah ❤️ Enjoy your alone time, sweetheart.

Diana: Thank you, Damien. You're wonderful. 💕

Diana: Well that lasted exactly one hour

Damien: : (

Diana: Haha weren't you soo sleepy at 9:18 pm?

Damien: in bed... so so much sleepy now

Diana: Bedtime For Damien

Damien: good night 🌙 say nice things with pills pls xoxox

Diana: Hope you're having sweet dreams even though I know you said you don't dream. My pills are kicking in now...time to tell you things I wouldn't normally say :) I love your smile, it's so soft and bright. You taste like warmth. Can't describe it any other way. Sometimes your voice gets stuck in my head like a song. It's a Bop. I really like how sometimes you'll get very excited about what we're talking about and you suddenly become very animated & loud. I am just glad to know you, you have brought me peace just by existing. See you soon 🌟

Chapter 24: The Cactus Signal

Aug 13, 2018

August 13, 2018

Author's Note: Damien was leaving for Arkansas (again!) in two days and this was the last time we could hang out beforehand, so we made plans to spend the day together. We were supposed to meet at 1:30 to hang out with Diana's friends at 2... but Diana slept in...

Damien: I hope you're getting some sleep : ) I have a few things to finish up, then let me know when you want me to head over!

Damien: I'm all clean and smooth and finished with work. I can leave anytime 🌻

Damien: Hmm... we're meeting them at 2 and I need to pick you up first... so I'm going to head out and hope you wake up/respond before I get there : )

Diana: Woke up a few minutes ago... They're trying to work out something with their car? They want to push it back to 5

Damien: Well shit, haha. Should I turn around?

Diana: Can't believe I slept past noon

Damien: You needed it!

Diana: I'm sorry! You can still come if you want to but we'll have to kill time for a few hours

Damien: What do YOU want? I'm 38 minutes away, haha

Damien: Okay, I'm just coming, lol. Hope that's okay! Let me know if you want me to hang out somewhere for a bit!

Diana: I'm sorry I'm not my best self yet. But yes that's okay. We'll find something medium salsa spicy to do

Damien: Haha okay hon, I'll let you know when I'm close 🌻

Damien: 5!

Diana: 👍

Damien: Heeere. What do I do? : D

Author's Note: We killed time letterboxing in the woods before meeting Diana's friends for frozen yogurt...

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: ...then we went to the mall to look for shorts for Damien and... accidentally broke a mannequin? 😂

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: At night, Damien drove Diana back to her house. We stayed in the truck talking and kissing (and a bit more...) until 2 AM. Here's Damien's entry in his intimacy list:

Author's Note: [image]

Author's Note: This was the last date Diana tracked in her notebook:

Author's Note: [image]

Diana: Drive safe and then sleep well, wonderful man 💕🌟

Damien: ❤️❤️❤️

Damien: thank you for helping me pick out shorts. i will get shirts soon too. fyi: telling me you'll always have ten minutes to talk if i call was the sweetest thing i've ever heard. you are the best girlfriend. good night, diana.

August 14, 2018

Author's Note: Damien's last day to pack before seeing friends in Arkansas.

Diana: Good morning!!! Happy Tuesday!!! ☀️

Damien: Good morning, beautiful. I hope you feel more alive than I do today!

Diana: 11:11 make a wish!!

Diana: I'm sure you'll feel more alive as they day goes on. Have some alive vibes 🏋💫🍃🌋🌪⚡🔥

Damien: Damn, missed my wish! That's okay, I've got everything I need.

Damien: Would you care if I sent the mannequin vid to W(Diana's BFF)? It's every kind of amazing.

Diana: Haha no I don't care I show him everything

Diana: https://youtu.be/eKBbUdfvwrU

Diana shared a link: I'm Mr. Meeseeks (Rick and Morty remix song) (youtu.be)

Diana: This is the song I was talking about

Diana: https://youtu.be/hkY-1mGxlm0

Diana shared a link: FIDLAR - Are You High? (ft. The 90s) [Official Music Video] (youtu.be)

Diana: New fidlar song that I like

Diana: https://youtu.be/uv_1AKKKJnk

Diana shared a link: twenty one pilots - Levitate (Official Video) (youtu.be)

Diana: That is for sure my favorite of the 3 songs twenty one pilots has released

Author's Note: (A few years later, we would accidentally see Twenty-One Pilots in Madrid!)

Damien: You are my source for everything amazing. I'll listen to Levitate in a sec on Spotify and the others when I'm back! More vibes pls 🌻🌻😫🌻

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Also, yay!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Good luck and have fun!! 🎱🚚🌊😘💪🍍🌌🎆🎺🎺💰 Wow nice barn door!!!

Damien: Uhggggg the guy had a broken arm and had to help me move it in... He didn't say anything about the top but "didn't like the position of the screws" in the legs, because they are visible. I explained that was part of the look everyone likes and that it makes it easier to take the legs off if necessary. He just shrugged and said okay. Nobody ever says bad things. Why this table 😫 Okay. I'm done whining and trying to think about last night instead. (It was such a good night.)

Diana: Well that's not very spicy. I saw the table and she was Beautiful and Functional, so that guy was just lame. It was a really good night. Thank you for spending that time with me :) You're so fun.

Damien: Okay, the songs you sent! This stupid song will now be in my head for the next six months. Have you ever seen the episode? I like the Fidlar song! Why isn't it on Spotify?? I think I still like Nico and the Niners better : / I'll keep listening and let you know. I'm definitely worried that this album isn't going to be anywhere as good as the last three... but the expectations were definitely through the roof and that's never good. It's weird... I feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before, more confident in my future... but it still floors me that you would go home after spending the day with me, take your pill, come back out, and spend another two hours cuddling and talking in the truck. I keep waiting for you to get bored. Instead, you keep finding new ways to show me you like me!

Diana: Nope, I haven't seen any of Rick and Morty. It's a great song!! A few of their good songs aren't on spotify and idk why :( Levitate is more hip hop, focusing on his flow, the beat, and the bass, which I prefer. Nico and the Niners is a more melodic and emotional song. I definitely don't think it will be as compelling and interesting as previous albums, but the concept is cool and cohesive. Haha snazzy to the max™! I'm so happy that you feel that way! I will keep trying to add on to that as much I can :)

Damien: I definitely like the cohesiveness... I think Blurryface did it well too, and it looks like they're pushing it farther this time so I'm excited. And I don't hate when bands reinvent themselves... it's necessary... I just don't want them to lose their boldness or inventiveness, and I don't hear either in these songs. You do everything right 🦎 Hanging out with [redacted] tonight?

Diana: I agree with you. But not every album can be a banger, eventually one has to be blander than the rest. We'll have to wait for the whole album to see if they might maintain some of that boldness. Fingers crossed! Thanks, I try. Hopefully! Right now I'm home alone (for the first time in months?! I keep looking around the corners for a family member that's been hiding). But I have to spend this valuable time packing instead of partying in the solitude.

Damien: Haha, yes one has to be blander, which is what I've been worried about since Blurryface 😂 But I'm still hopeful for the rest of the songs! Awww packing suuucks... but at least you'll finally have your own space again! When I visit, will I be able to stay with you, or would I need a hotel?

Diana: Even if it's blander, new music will give us another things to add to the list of Things To Discuss! Haha not really, it's a shared room with [redacted] :) In BYU Mormonland there are rules against that. You can't even come in my bedroom 🙄 But you can stay with [redacted] in the area, they have a third floor living space for guests/renters/AirBnb people.

Damien: Hahaha I figured those were the rules 😂 Ohhh that's awesome! I'll need to figure out a rental or something... you won't have a car, right? The lady just messaged and said she got home and loves the table. Whew. Stupid husband!

Diana: No, probably not. See! I told you that guy was just lame!!

Damien: Hmm, $188 round trip isn't too bad!

Diana: 🌵

Author's Note: We completely forgot about this until reading this chapter. Diana had a difficult time talking about frustration or anger, so we came up with a sign she could send (🌵) and Damien would know to respond with a nice message while she processed things. This must have been the first time she used it.

Damien: ❤️ I love you so much. Call or text if you need to talk.

Damien: You are the strongest person I've ever met... and I mean that sincerely. You are a 🐉

Diana: Thank you, Damien 💕 You're the shiniest apple on the whole apple tree. The sweetest cherry in the whole pie. The sturdiest tree in the whole forest.

Damien: ❤️❤️❤️ Were you able to hang with friends?

Diana: Yes :) Just got home. I need to work on my Jenga skillz

Damien: Aww good! Glad you could see her again before she leaves : ) And ohhh I'm glad there's a game you're bad at! We'll play that sometime too.

Diana: I'm not bad at it...I'm just regular at it. We will play! Practice makes perfect

Damien: Gonna call me on my drive tomorrow? I'd like it so very much : ) I have a sorta funny story if you do.

Damien: omg I did this at your church on Sunday.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: A sorta funny story?! Haha now I have to call you! What time are you leaving tomorrow?

Damien: If you have time! Because I'll be bored and missing you. Idk... as early as possible so I can play D&D with [redacted] and his soon-to-be wife! Probably between 7 and 8.

Diana: Okay I can call you when I wake up or when I get out of work :) Wooow you're gonna party hardcore!! 🎉 That's cool and fun!

Damien: Gotta drop off this dog. If you crash before I'm home, know that I like you lots and I'm insanely grateful for the cactus tonight. I know it's silly, but it makes me feel closer to you, even if there's nothing I can do to make things better.

Diana: I like you a lot too. Thank you for being somebody I can send a cactus to haha

Damien: Uhgggg... check engine light is on 😫

Diana: Uh oh spaghetti-o!!

Damien: Home! Sleepin' yet?

Damien: Good night, sweetheart. Thanks for being a wonderful girlfriend.

Chapter 25: Becoming a Goddess

Aug 15, 2018

August 15, 2018

Author's Note: Damien leaves home for five days to go to a friend's wedding in Arkansas.

Damien: Good morning! Stopped for gas. If you have any new or favorite songs on Spotify, please send! Also, I think WAY too much on these drives, so I have a list that will give us so much to talk about, haha. Lots of self-improvement stuff, so that's good! Also, I'm wearing my new green shorts and they're SUPER comfy for driving.

Diana: Nothing new. I've just been listening to Nicki Minaj for dayz. But I'll send you some old songs I like :) Oooh spicy & exciting!! I LOVE self improvement. Hot!!!!! I'm so glad 💚

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3p3yxX1ebYVsjfWUzGbSiD?si=Ttj8V_PASJmSxhUdkYbAFA

Diana shared a link: For Damien #3 (open.spotify.com)

Damien: You are THE BEST. I feel like I have a lot more to say about this playlist than the others... maybe because there's literally more to talk about, or maybe because I'm hyper-focused, haha.

Damien: Also my AC fan stopped again 😫 I'm getting lunch and hoping it works again after the truck cools down. Hope you're having a lovely day with the kiddos! Remember all the cool shit to tell me later!

Author's Note: We can only assume we talked on the phone here... because we have no other ideas why Damien would say, "Look at the mountains!" and send a picture without any mountains... or why Diana would send "Eenie Meenie" by Justin Bieber 😂

Damien: Look at the mountains!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/75vEuMA15pb8JmgrGugHEs?si=-fMgUNH5TgWNCibOKBLRXQ

Diana shared a link: Eenie Meenie (open.spotify.com)

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/5vlEg2fT4cFWAqU5QptIpQ?si=2OIQN6ijQoqM1pepzclmmQ

Diana shared a link: Replay (open.spotify.com)

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/track/2ZYBwkmtYhgUj1A7teYAZ7?si=zGidxjkpRfmu5HeJZpbcqw

Diana shared a link: Suit And Jacket (open.spotify.com)

Damien: You are wonderful.

Damien: Made it! Hope you're packing and/or getting to know [redacted]!

Diana: I did those things a little bit haha. Glad you made it! 😁 How's it going?

Damien: Haha just a little?? Diana Jane, get packed! It's going well : ) Already got ice cream and spent a couple hours in the darkroom! Am I allowed to post a picture of us on Instagram? I probably shouldn't tag you 'cause you'd get about a half-dozen stalkers... but I love this pic:

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: I knooow I'm trying! It's so haaard! Cool! Spicy! That's so fun :) What kind of ice cream did you get? Blood flavor? Or something boring? Haha yes you're Allowed™ to do that. Thanks for asking. Yeah that picture is cool and fresh

Damien: You can do it! Pack!! Load!!! Believe!!!! Squid ink flavor.

Diana: This Is The Worst Day Of My Life, Damien. Ooh delicious. I hear squid ink is thw new chocolate.

Diana: And thw is thw new the

Damien: Is it really a bad day? Or is this like thw time you couldn't think of a song to play and said, "This is thw worst day ever, Damien"?

Diana: You're so quick :)

Damien: : P

Diana: Check out this book from when I was in 7th grade

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: 1. Omg that is adorable. Did you come up with the title?? I want to read it! 2. Guuurl paint ur nails

Diana: 1. Haha no I've been a Master Plagiarizer since I was 12. 2. SHUT UP

Damien: jk i ❤️ ur nails What percent packed are you?

Diana: Hmm probably somewhere betweeb 46% and 64%

Diana: Actually I think I just have to pack two more boxes and then I'm Good To Go!

Damien: Woohoo! I think betweeb is a bagillion times hotter than thw.

Diana: Haha I didn't even catch that. I Love Being An Accurate Typer

Damien: I'm fallin' asleep... I miss you. I know you can't text much with W[redacted], but know I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. I really hope I can bring you here someday.

Author's Note: We've been to Arkansas together several times since then : )

Diana: You'll be in my thoughts and dreams :) My days and nights are so much sweeter when you enter my mind. Good night, sleep tight. And have so much fun tomorrow!! 🌜💕🌠

August 16, 2018

Damien: I don't know if it's because of your text or not, but I dreamt about you all night ❤️

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Wow three of my favorite things! Skyrim, prayer, and Alexa memes! 👌

Diana: Check out this Sick Scratch I got from moving my stuff. I think it makes me look cooler

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Damn, that's a good one! How was moving??

Diana: It was fine! Not as much stuff as I thought actually. "Know how you find your car easily? Bc it's broken" -helpful six year old How's your morning?

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I was just sending you a pic of my beautiful lunch! We need Zaxby's in [redacted] 😫 Hahahaha six-year-olds are so observant 😂 My morning is boring. Waiting for M[redacted] to get off work at 1, then maybe a photoshoot, then hanging with the men at 6!

Diana: Oooh she's fiiiine. Enjoy that!! I know. He Changed My Life. Then the 10 year old felt bad for me and tried to explain that having a broken car is easier to spot than a Lambo, so mine is actually better 😂 So your afternoon/evening will be Poppin'™!!!

Damien: Omg I love Kid Logic. He was being so sweet! SO Poppin'! I'm gonna send you pictures while playing the insanely nerdy game. I want at least one pic of you and W[redacted], even if it's through Instagram! And find a Bitchin' Camping Spot too : D

Damien: Side thought: fuck distance more than time. He's a jerk.

Diana: Awesome!! I love getting pictures! Have a blast nerding it up!! Okie dokie I will do both things :) Yeah what's distance's problem? Why he gotta be Like That

Damien: I think he and Time team up to try and ruin friendships. I say Heck 'em both! After we take over the world, our first gift to ourselves will be an airplane, okay? That way W[redacted], M[redacted], R[redacted], and our families will never be more than a couple hours away. And when we can see them whenever we want, Time can't be such a dick either.

Diana: Good idea! That will show Distance! You're so smart. But I think even with our own plane, Time could find a way to be a dick anyway. He is Too Powerful

Damien: It doesn't matter how powerful time is, you will conquer him. You will be among the first to receive the treatment that ends aging. You'll live to see a technological golden age where you'll grow to transcend distance, space, and time to become a goddess. I just ask that you use your powers to find me in an alternate universe, pretend to be a normal woman, and let me experience a small fraction of your benevolence. Sometimes I think that's already what you're doing.

Diana: Command over time is already possible without technology. All we need is to access the untapped potential that exists within our brain's capacity to perceive. Pain, pleasure, emotion, time, sensations...all can be controlled if we could simply find the discipline and self-awareness to do so. But the power that we could have is too much to handle until we have the wisdom necessary to understand the consequences of its use. And that's what human life is all about. Time can be a bitch all she wants and I'll complain about it but I know she's neccessary for now. I'm not ready for her to behave any other way. We're not done cooking yet. The oven is only just being preheated

Diana: Also I learned that boat shirts are for women too

Damien: Well let's gain Wisdom™ and power over Time. Let's crank that oven to 11, finish this boring preheating phase, and become Creators of Worlds 🐲❤️🐲 What's a boat shirt.

Diana: Sounds HOT!!! But do you know how ovens work? It's a shirt with boats on it!!!!!!

Damien: OH. I thought it was a shirt you wear on a boat. Are you wearing one??

Diana: Hahaha no. I just saw a woman rocking one.

Damien: Look at this MASSIVE magnolia tree 😍 (not in bloom, sadly)

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Omg that's so cute and amazing. When do magnolia trees bloom?

Diana: Ridley says hi. He's very soft & sweet but he has anxiety. (Remember when I told you about the dog running away? It was him)

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Magnolias bloom in early spring and it's glorious. OH RIDLEY YOU BEAUTIFUL PUP. Please give him hugs and at least one tongue-kiss from me. He looks like a scrappy fella. He just wants to explore the whole entire world, and that can be nerve-wracking sometimes.

Damien: My home for the next few days. Ho. Ly. Shit.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: I know! Ridley is gorgeous and I LOVE him. That house is beautiful!! Whose is it? Is that a headless man peeing into the pond? 😂

Damien: It's an Airbnb that [redacted] rented for us. He got rich over the last couple years, hahaha

Diana: That's so awesome and fun. It will be party central. Haha make sure to get a selfie with the urinating statue!

Damien: My night is a 9.4. Storm's coming. Talkin' philosophy about the difference between objective and subjective truth. So many nerds. Four of the six of us speak Japanese. I'm not one of them. I miss you but I hope you're having SO much fun. I'm pretending to like beer 🤢 Tell W[redacted] I love him. You owe me a picture.

Diana: I'm so glad you're having such a fun and interesting time!!!! Live it up! Make memories! Learn some Japanese! :) W[redacted] loves you too. Haha I will give you a pic later. We just got together an hour ago. 😘💕🎉

Damien: I'm the Relic.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Good luck, Relic!! Looks spoooky. Is that hummus?

Damien: I lost. And this is my bed after we play poker. And that IS hummas how did you know?!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh no I'm sorry you lost. Make sure to win at poker to make up for it! 👍 Mm looks comfy haha. And I know everything. Here's W[redacted] & me on our ritualistic night walk. Fist fought a lamppost. Stole a man's soul when he asked for directions. Ate a sidewalk. Sexy stuff

Diana sent a photo.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: i love you both so much and your friendship!!!! you are so pretty. I bought Tootsie Rolls

Diana: You're cute and sweet :) Tootsie rolls are delicious

Damien: did you know i have a flag??? whaaaaaaat i don't need all that!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: I did know that! Demisexual pride!! Haha I guess somebody needs it! Those are the asexual colors too. I really resent their color choices haha. Oh well If you're asleep, I hope you're having dreams sweeter than the cakes we've bought 💤🍰

Damien: love you diana. good night

Diana: Good night & sleep tight, lovely man ⭐🌛💕

August 17, 2018

Damien: so sick. come save me...

Damien: Not sick anymore! I hope you have another great day in P(Diana's home town) 🌺

Diana: I woke up exactly 9 minutes ago. I'm sorry you were sick! :( Have another grrrrrrreat day in Arkansas. 🐯

Damien: !!! Can we go?!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Hell yeah! Pixar = party! Haha you texted me right as I was thinking about you!

Damien: Oh yeah? What were you thinkin'?

Diana: I was thinking "Hey remember that one guy? He was a real hoot"

Damien: I AM a hoot! Having a bitchin' morning so far?

Diana: Indeed you are. And yeah! We're about to head out on bike ride through the town just like The Old Dayz 🚲 How bitchin' is your morning? :)

Damien: Aww that sounds nice : ) [redacted] and I watched a weird Russian movie and now we're making sausages and eggs. Then rehearsal dinner tonight. I have so many stories.

Diana: Weird Russian movie AND breakfast food?!?! That's amazing. Don't go too crazy haha Tell me one! :)

Damien: Hmmm... I won at poker! But it was only three of us because everybody else fell asleep. And since there were only three, there was no money involved. But we'll play agun tonight and I'll be rich : ) Tell me something about your night!

Damien: Remind me to tell you the dolphin story 🐬

Diana: Hey good job!!! 👏🏆 Make that ca$h monayyy :) I'm excited to hear the dolphin story haha Hm. I don't really know, mostly we just walked & talked about life. We had such a Good Time but I don't know if anything actually notable happened. We got a small bag of BBQ chips and that wasn't enough so we went back for a bigger bag of BBQ chips?? Haha it was spicy🔥

Diana: Accidentally went to a strip club

Damien: Aww well walking and talking is what you're best at! I'm glad you had fun and had all the BBQ chips! Whoa. I've never been to one. Was it topless or full nude? Was it everything you hoped and dreamed?? I'm so sleepy. Come cuddle and make me skip the rehearsal please.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: Okay. I need to ask this via text or I'm going to get all loud and animated in person. Why, Diana, does God care if two people have sex before they're married? Why does he care that two people kiss before they're engaged? That may not be biblical, but that's clearly the message he's sending out because I know wayyyy too many people who do both those things. If I were God, I would tell people to spread love in any way that they can. I would write out explicit rules for respect. I would write clear verses encouraging as much kissing and cuddling and smelling and touching and licking and hugging and love-making as possible before ever saying words like "forever." 50% of the amount I know about our compatibility comes from kissing and touching you. Facts and basic interactions simply can't indicate these things. Why would any deity ever restrict beauty?? Love people! Show it! Life is short! Be happy! Be responsible! Okay, I'm done. And you don't have to answer that now, hahahaha 🌺❤️🌻

Damien: There's a young, good-looking married couple at the rehearsal dinner. The guy is deaf and his wife is his translator. She is so charismatic when helping him talk to others. She keeps touching him to show she's there and communicating with her smile, and he looks so appreciative of her. It is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Okay, I'll stop bombarding you with my observations and blasphemy 😂 I hope you're having a good evening! 🌻

Diana: I'll respond fully in a bit, but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and I hope you're having a Super Fun Spicy Hot night :)

Damien: You just keep having fun. I'm thinking about you too ❤️ (Remind: Romania and boxing.)

Diana: 1) It was dark. Topless. They were playing country music, so we only passed through on the way to our true destination: the boutique. So not everything I hoped and dreamed. Maybe one day I will return. 2) hahaha I love religious memes and I love yeet 3) Hahaha your rant is so funny & interesting to me. 4) I love that. I love people in love. I love kindness and trust and communication and people who smile and people who notice these types of things. Thank you for sharing you observations and blasphemy haha

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: I love everything you just typed, especially #4. Playing nerdy game again. Noooooo alcohol tonight, haha. I will respond fully in a bit. Still text anytime! I'll just respond to longer things later : ) And you. are. hot. 😍🔥

Diana: Haha neat-o! Have tons of nerdy game fun!!! :)Try to win this time haha Thank you 😘

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I'm the locust. I eat planets. I am so excited for Sunday night it's ridiculous.

Damien: Remind me to tell you about these cards too. From last night.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 11:11 ❤️

Diana: Omg that's hot. Please make sure to eat Jupiter, that guys was being a real dick last Thursday. Yeah I'm excited too :) Can't wait to remind you of all the things. Omg did you make a wish???

Damien: I ate TWO of them! Both belonged to [redacted]. I feel a little bad, but not really. I wished that you have an amazing night with W[redacted] because I'm a romantic and unimaginative.

Damien: I won!

Damien: I have a bed now. I L-word you lots tonight. Good night, Diana Jane.

Diana: Thank you for your wish. You're the sweetest and best. And nice job winning 😁👍 Good night, Damien!! Sleep well. Dreams of the spoils of your victory. 💕

Damien: (dreams of my gf who will help me take over planets irl, xoxox)

Diana: You're so spicy hot I want to buy you all the flowers they have at [redacted] except the orange ones of course. Alright it's bedtime for me I hope you're sleeping So Soundly bye 👋🌟💙

August 18, 2018

Damien: Good morning, sunshine! I feel so much better today. I think waking up to even more nice things helped : ) I don't think I've ever gotten a blue heart before? Gotta be at church at 10 (my time). The wedding is at 1. When are you heading to Misty?

Damien: I found two of my favorite emojis irl for you.

Damien sent a photo.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Good morning ☀️ I'm glad you feel better. I'm excited for you all today!! Good wedding vibes!! 👫💞💏💍💒🎉 No you haven't but I just sent it bc I had already just sent you a 💕 so I picked a random color haha Those pictures are BeAuTiFuL!!!!

Damien: Y'all* Thanks for the emojis! I'm so excited for [redacted]. I have so many stories, haha. Maybe talk on the phone if you're free tomorrow? Otherwise I'll tell you everything at night : ) I'm hanging out with my new friend. I love this so much.

Damien: I'm atoning at the temple 🐑 🔫

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: 😬

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Wooooooo [redacted] & [redacted]!!!!! Yes, we can talk after church :) Yay for new friends! Those poor sheep. Don't sacrifice them, Damien! That's no longer God's Way. You look snazzy!! 👔👌👌😘

Damien: I'm pretty cynical about all the pomp and circumstance. But [redacted]. It was so lovely and I had to fight to hold back tears. I'm so fucking happy for them.

Diana: That's adorably amazing!! I love that and I love how much you feel and care despite your cynicism :)

Damien: I've gotten good at separating authenticity from bull shit. The rest of the wedding is fake... a random culmination of bizarre traditions that have almost zero meaning. But in the middle of it is a moment where two people actually say what they're feeling... and I latch onto that, ignore the rest, and feel overwhelmingly happy for them. I wish you were here to be a wallflower with me.

Diana: Weddings be like that. I am SO good at being a wallflower. Give M[redacted] & T[redacted] a crisp greeting from me. W[redacted] & I are kayaking!

Damien: Ohhh have so so so much fun!!!!

Diana: I was planning to have no fun but since you said something. There are geese in our way right now. If I don't respond it's because they ate me

Damien: 20 points per goose you paddle!

Diana: No Thank You

Diana: I Prefer My Life

Damien: No garter, but I caught the boutonniere! 😬😂😘

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Oh nice, that's not nothing!!! 👍 Haha you're so pretty :)

Diana: Here is a picture 📸🌊🚣

Diana sent a photo.

Diana: New bracelet

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Omg I'm so jealous! You're partaking in my only hobby without me! 😂 You're so damn cute. SO. DAMN. CUTE. DIANA. It looks like you had fun : D And your bracelet is super funky! Is it made out of strap-on? I love the random penis on the floor

Damien: Livin' My Best Life

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha let's find you more hobbies! And thank you ❤️😚 And it was really fun. Saw a turtle and a crane and a lot of fish and geese and frogs!! No, it's made out of a broken condom! It's flapping in the breeze :) really adds to the Aesthetic. Ooooh looking like a Good Time™. Coke and dry cereal?? What more could you ask for?! Whatcha listening to?

Damien: Ohhh sounds like you became one with nature for the day 🌺🦎🦋🌻🐑 A broken condom?? 😂😂 That style is about to be so in. You are a Trend Setter. Sigur Rós, The XX... everything from my fly girlfriend.

Diana: I totally did!!! 😁 I know right?? Thank you for acknowledging that. Wow sexy spicy. She has amazing taste.

Damien: There's a new Death Cab album. I only listened to a couple songs, but it was pleasantly chill. Let's listen and make out tomorrow.

Diana: Alright. It's on the To Do List. Check out this donut (the pose is for a meme that we're gonna make later).

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Send the meme when it's done, please!

Damien: Last Cosmic game until next time I'm here. T[redacted] and M[redacted] came tonight, so I can kick their asses too! At poker too, I hope.

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Super fun! Good luck!!!! ✨ Haha house of Butt.

Damien: Still partyin' in (Diana's home town)?

Diana: Nope! I wish :/ Misty sends her love.

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Ohhh I wish I was there! Does W[redacted] get to hang out with you tonight? Tell Misty she's the best girl.

Diana: It's weird to be here without you now haha. Misty say she knows that. She's not humble but she's honest! 🐶 W[redacted]'s not with me :( And I see you tomorrow!!

Damien: I know! I am way too excited.

Diana: Woooo! It's gonna be Party Time!!! :)

Diana: I'm sleepy. Let's get some pie

Damien: I'm playing poker : ( We will get SO much pie tomorrow! I love when you're sleepy.

Damien: If you fall asleep on me, know I love you.

Diana: Okay good idea. Turn that poker frown upside down and enjoy some good old fashioned enterainment :) I love that you're having fun with your friends and that you made that trip to see them and that you guys played a nerdy game and that you seem so invested in your friendships. You're so precious to me bc of that

Damien: You are so sweet. I love that we both have good friends. I wish they lived closer so we could get to know each other's friends more. I love that I could meet W[redacted] though and you could meet T[redacted] and M[redacted].

Diana: Me too, Damien. I agree so hard

Diana: They're so cool I want to buy all their candles and turn them into candle millionaires

Damien: You're so good to everybody.

Diana: Thank you people just deserve it though

Damien: We all deserve happiness in our endeavors.

Diana: Yeah I want to make sure you specifically are happy in your endeavors

Damien: That's why we're good together. We both encourage each other in what we want to do. I want nothing more than for you to succeed... whatever that means for you.

Damien: You could change a thousand times, or stick with your current passion forever. I'll have your back ❤️

Diana: Thank you Damien 💕 I love success and support it's really Hot

Diana: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Damien: Agreed ❤️❤️

Damien: I'm winning us date money btw 🌻

Diana: Woooo yay go damien I'm on your team cheering for you !!

Damien: Mad stacks, yo ; ) Tomorrow is too far away...

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Mad stacks: sexy spicy Time: not sexy spicy

Diana: You're amazing. Sleep is amazing I need some good night!! Amazing night. 🌃 Excited 💕

Damien: Good night, beautiful. I hope you have the sweetest of dreams and wake up happy ❤️ (PS your boyfriend is kicking everyone's ass)

Damien sent a photo.

Damien: I cashed out when I $20 ahead! So let's buy all the pies to celebrate. Thank you for being the sweetest, kindest, and easiest to love woman on the planet. I hope church is amazing. Call anytime.

August 19, 2018

Damien: Nobody on the roads this Sunday morning; I'm driving 90 at the sunrise, windows open, Yellow Card blaring, speeding away from friends, but closer to you 🌺

Diana: That sounds lovely. So poetic. Yellowcard is the Right Choice, that violin always gets me hype! I'm still sleepy...but church is cool 👍 Expect a call from me in about 3 hours :)

Damien: I'm excited to talk : ) But don't rush! Spend time with your family for as long as you need to! I hope the kiddos are being good for you! <3

Damien: The closest Damien Rice gets to a real bop. https://open.spotify.com/track/4CVP2pvqUxH9tExsHJnzV9?si=5zXgnAhGTP-dVGZclPsoFg

Damien shared a link: Coconut Skins (open.spotify.com)

Damien: GPS says 7:37 and I'm not planning any more stops! Still thinking 7:45-8?

Diana: Cool! I'd say 8-8:30

Damien: 🌺

Diana: On my way!

Damien: Woohoo! I'm getting in the shower so I'm not completely disgusting!

Diana: Hot

Diana: Guess who's here (it's me)

Damien: Come in! No B[redacted] or pup!

Diana: Okay but I have to finish this song

Damien: .

Author's Note: Damien's intimacy list (which he still hadn't written yet) details the two sweetest and sexiest moments of the night:

Author's Note: [image]

Damien: Text when you're home safe ❤️

Diana: Home safe!! 💙

Diana: Hey thank you for being so open and caring. I really appreciate that we can have candid & comprehensive conversations about potentially sensitive topics. And I really love how kindly you've reacted to each new piece of information. I keep falling asleep for a second trying to type this message... I am so happy to be around you. I want to give you anything in this world that you could possibly want. Take a nice nap & sleep well, Damien 💕

Damien: right now i have everything i could possibly want ❤️ thank you for the sweet message. i'm asleep too.

Chapter 26: "In the Eyes of Heavenly Father"

Aug 20, 2018

August 20, 2018

Author's Note: Diana fell asleep thanking Damien for being open and caring, and willing to talk deeply about sensitive topics...

Damien: I'm awaaaake... heading to Mom's to help move boxes and get my dog, then gotta build that step... then another music video in [redacted]! Candid and sensitive conversations are important, and not so hard once you trust each other! I'm going to keep working on being a person you can trust so talking becomes easier and easier. It's important to figure these things out now if we're going to have a long-distance relationship, and I think we're doing a pretty damn good job... especially after last night 🌺 I hope you're getting some sleep!

Damien: Also, no B(Damien's roommate) for the next few days. Woohoo!

Diana: I slept for a solid 8 hours, woke up went you sent that last text! It's weird that it's 4 pm. Time isn't real. Sounds like you have a pretty busy & productive day! Have fun! 👍 It might not seem like it, but this is the easiest it's been for me to get close with someone. I really appreciate all your efforts and just who you are as a person. Bye B[redacted]!

Damien: Damn! You must have been completely exhausted. I'm SO glad you got caught up! Now the trick will be falling asleep tonight. That's another reason timing has been key for us. If I hadn't gone through the specific trials I went through over the last decade, I wouldn't have had the unique perspective that seems to make us work so well together. Our lists of questions, day-long conversations, and patient sexual exploration are some of my favorite aspects of our relationship. Luckily, it seems to match well with what you need in a partner.

Diana: Yay for timing and unique perspective and favorite aspects!! Still not convinced this isn't some elaborate conspiracy by the universe

Damien: Heading to the video shoot! Apparently the guy we're filming is getting big: [redacted]

Diana: They play bluegrass! That's snazzy, I'm listening to these songs are they are totally Bops™!

Diana: *and

Damien: Yeah, I'm listening too! LOVE it. Can't wait to be four inches from their faces while they're boppin'.

Diana: He's so fun and fast!! You will have a funky fresh time.

Diana: Look at this meme

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: You have no idea how much I love that meme ❤️

Damien: The pot smell is making my eyes water 😂

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: It's a Quality Meme. Enjoy the smell of somebody blazin' 👌 Ooh pretty instruments!!

Diana: Hey did you like my lip gloss haha

Damien: They were amazing : ) My fucking back seized up in the middle and I couldn't hold the camera upright 😫 I never have back problems! It hurt up and down my spine too and I kept thinking of you. Lip gloss from last night? Was it new??

Diana: Omg oh shit that's Not Hot! Is it all good now? Drink lots of water!! Haha no you liked my picture on Instagram an hour ago and the hashtag was #lipglosspoppin

Author's Note: The Instagram pic:

Author's Note: [image]

Diana: I'm trying to reorganize all my millions of Spotify playlists...there's so many songs I don't listen to anymore that go hard

Diana: I think you will like this one https://open.spotify.com/track/5bsSU3gNuQTZmOcsWV6IxX?si=U1wADF-YRHeZLW0pyzInVQ

Diana shared a link: White Daisy Passing (open.spotify.com)

Diana: This one is nice too! You don't need to listen anytime soon but here you go https://open.spotify.com/track/1xT7BgMUViPxdkF8YTQNJN?si=-PcWbYloQim5tprq00BdMw

Diana shared a link: Elation (open.spotify.com)

Damien: I was bored before the show and stalking your Instagram! Holy shit you look good in that pic. My back is fine now that I'm not holding a camera... but body is sore in general. Probably from sleeping on couches between 13-hour drives. Ohhhh keep sending good ones! Or make me another playlist : ) I love when you do that. Makes me feel close to you. (I know I'm a nerd about pointing that out all the time, but it'll be important to remember what works when you leave in a couple weeks...) I liked the first one very much! I'm heading to the shop and I'll check out the second!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Haha thank you. I took a potion to enhance my looks that day. Yep that will do you a straining. Do some stretches! Go to bed early! Hahaha I love the God creation memes! Alright here is a playlist for you, from songs I rediscovered in the depths of my old playlists ❤️ It's in no particular order.

Diana: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/74aKU6R2b8xZO8rmi4CMr3?si=LBhvZOHiRuqh7QbYgmh9pw

Diana shared a link: For Damien #4 (open.spotify.com)

Diana: Isn't this what you were talking about in the mall the other day? I love that Instagram spies on us all day

Diana sent a photo.

Damien: Woohoo for the playlist! You're the best. I'll listen and tell you what I think : ) Hahahaha yes! I want to be them pls! And I'll go to bed as soon as I come to a stopping point on this dumb stool so I don't have to work tomorrow!

Damien sent a photo.

Diana: Awesome! It was fun to put together! I love music! Haha you are Them. Um *cool stool :) [redacted] wants me to get breakfast & meet her mission friend, so I'll make it to you around/after noon.

Damien: That means I'm done in the shop tonight! Anything fun you wanna do tomorrow? Any letterboxing around [redacted]? I was just thinking I should show you that book I made after my dad died... lots of old pictures of me, if you'd want to see them. More Adventure Time too!

Diana: There are 13 letterboxes in the [redacted] area, so we could do that :) And I definitely want to see the book!

Damien: Awesome. Already excited. Let me know if you have any other ideas! Or old pictures you can bring : ) My neck hurts so bad and it crunches when I move it : / I'm going to try the hot tub, I think...

Diana: I'm excited too! I always have so much fun with you. This time hopefully we find all the boxes we're supposed to haha Oh no! That's yikes. I hope the hot tub helps!! ⭐💓

Diana: https://youtu.be/gSwyMP8aBDM

Diana shared a link: Roy Purdy- REMIX (21 SAVAGE FT. NICKLEBACK) (youtu.be)

Diana: This is what I was laughing so hard at last night

Damien: I'm in the hot tub. The crickets are gossiping so hard right now. You wouldn't believe what Mrs. Squeekybottom thinks about Jeff. No 'squitos tho.

Damien: Also, I want to kiss you in here.

Diana: Mrs. Squeekybottom needs to mind her damn beeswax 😂

Diana: 😚💕

Diana: 11:11 🌠

Damien: What was your wish?